Being infantilized causes trauma

Post Reply New Topic

A lot of specialists, parents and teachers think it's a good idea to baby special needs kids. They probably think it's only a short-term nuisance that has no negative long-term effects. It may be necessary for the lower functioning ones. I don't think aspies, ADHDers and NLDers should be infantilized. I was babied when I was a kid and I hated it. I still live with the effects of being infantilized as a kid. I'm emotionally stunted, not confident in myself and shy. I'm constantly on guard making sure I "act my age" for fear of being infantilized. This has caused me to be extremely exhausted.

Yeah, it can cause lots of problems in later life because we don't have the social skills to act 'normally'. I wasn't wrapped in cotton wool but my parents were perfectly happy to leave me alone with my books rather than force me outside so that I could learn a little social interction.

My folks twisted me into a pretzel trying to make me into a normal kid, until my sister came along when I was 9, after that they pretty much let me go to my room and shut the door. Neither one made any discernible difference in my social skills as far as I can tell. I was a lot less stressed alone with my books, records and sketch pads.

Eh, honestly I wouldn't mind being pampered, that only means that people really love you. Also think that tough love, or any 'force flight' situations have a high likelyhood of backfiring, ultimately a person should decide when to be grown up in their own time, and when they've proven it by being self-sufficient, then they can have some respect as an adult... HOWEVER. there is a BIG part of a parent that wants to still see their off-spring as a child, so they might still treat you as such because they still see you as cute little toddler... absolutely nothing wrong with this and infact, I'd say that's one of the best places to be.

But to put it bluntly... It's much better to be loved to death than ignored with life, so I wouldn't be so upset. Just give it this sort of context and be grateful that there are people that can give you that much affection, there's an endless sea of people that would love to switch places with you, myself included.

I don't like the extreme of being babied, but I've also had a lot of experience of being pushed too hard without any consideration for the fact I struggled with a lot of things. So I think its good to acknowledge someones accomplishments and skills but also consider their difficulties and don't push too hard. I don't think it causes trauma though, just would probably hold them back some.

I think that is one extreme but the other end is just as damaging. Many parents have this idea that if they just throw their kid into the fray, they will ' grow out of it'. It's the kind of mentality where some people teach their kids to sort them by throwing them in a deep end of the pool and it sink or swim. But a lot of kids who have disorders will never ' grow out of it' because of the nature of the disorder. When the kid who has autism is forced to go outside and play, he just may not be equipped to learn social skills through experience and forcing the awkward kid into social situations with kids who are often will can be just as damaging as babying.

I think both extremes to show lazy parenting. Some parents just don't want to do any kind of critical thinking to recognize their child is an individual with unique needs. There requires unique parenting approach to help them grow to their potential. Cookie-cutter parents and specialists suck no matter what end the of extreme they are on.

why shoud those of us on the low functioning spectrum be infantalized?
we shoud be treated as adults when we are adults with exactly the same respect;people can adapt how they communicate with us without having to offensively treat us like we have the brains of children,we just have a limited mental capacity in comparison to HFAs,we dont need the pity and patronising that comes with infantalization.

exactly. why is something horrible or bad or undesirable and demeaning when done to aspies/hfa suddenly acceptable or necessary for LFA/classic autism folks? this is why mental age things are awful because they say 'oh they're a five year old' instead of saying 'they're an adult with an intellectual disability/communication issues'. completely denies the fact that LFA/ID adults are ADULTS.

These are the same arguments over and over again. oh special ed is awful horrible places for aspies.... but fine for LFA people. Same argu,ments I've seen for autism speaks, and 40 hours of therapy a week. Awful for aspies/hfa people! But those LFA people, fine for them.

I'm not low-functioning, but I'd have to agree with this. The severity of someone's autism doesn't mean they have to be treat as though they're perpetually a child, when they're actually disabled adults deserving just as much respect as the rest of us.

I was babied and given preferential treatment a lot when I was a kid, and as a result it really screwed me up when I reached my early teen years and people weren't so keen on treating me like a prince all of a sudden. It took me years to realize this, and even now I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm not some special person who deserves to be placed on a pedestal.

You know, reading this thread is a bit of a trip for me.

I wasn't infantalized, just the opposite, I was expected to figure things out myself, tough it out, play through the pain or whaever.
I was actually in all sorts of pain & discomfort all the time from muscle spasms (the whole right-most 1/8-1/4 of my body for the first 27 years of my life until I finally faced up to it and did something about it), flat feet (couldn't walk/stand for more than 10-15mins without substantial amounts of pain which would get worse&worse & move up my legs if I was on my feet for long periods of time, didn't realize that wasn't normal until I was 18, hiked 20 miles a day with an 80 pound pack over mountains as a boy scout), hypersensitivites (light, sound (misophonia), touch, taste, usually not smell 'cause I couldn't breathe through my nose: allergies), etc., but I learned really early on not to complain or I'd get yelled at and/or hit.

It was a cultural thing with both sides of my family, being tough, and they just figured I was being melodramatic & a whiner/complainer.

I'm not saying that I think being infantalized would be any better, really, but I could have used a little indulgence & understanding back then, instead of my parents treating me & my sister like little adults from a very young age, including being responsible for our own aches & pains and keeping them to ourselves so as not to bother everyone else.

There's something to be said for people being understanding of actual issues one might be having which require accommodations and not dismissing them out of hand as melodramatic attention seeking & exaggerating.
There's a happy medium between toughing it out all the time & dealing with one's various problems by facing them and doing one's best to mitigate them, even if one must inconveinience others by requesting they make accommodations, instead of just ignoring them so they don't bother anyone else but slowly drive one mad.

Who knows, I might not be as scrappy & tenacious as I am these days if it weren't for all the pain & difficulty I've dealt with.
Then again, I might be the high-achiever everyone expected me to be, instead of just sort of struggling along, still trying to support myself & get a career started at 35.

I was over protected as a child but then I was given the opposite treatment when I became an adult. I had absolutely no way to prepare for things and had several breakdowns my first week living on my own. Now people go easy on me because of the anxiety I suffer from now.

I think any extreme of being babied or expected to just make it in the world is just as bad.

I still feel like a pretty young kid though I'm 29 this year. I'm trying to make the best of it.

Yeah, this.

I mean, I don't fall into that category, but it does bother me to see people throwing people labeled as "low functioning" under the bus all the time. Like, just stop it. There's no reason to take a moment to add a comment like that. None.

Agreed

I've always been pushed to my limits in a good way by my family. And given as much independence as is safe for me. I imagine it's always been a somewhat difficult balancing act for them. because I am special needs and have needed to be taken care of like a baby or small kid in some ways or it would be neglect. But I've never been mollycoddled.

Second.