Am I alone on this planet?

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I have a date on Saturday for dinner and I don't really want to go as I am not sure I am attracted to the person but when I tried to decline they spammed me with texts and pulled on my heart strings as they have had a bad few years. They were nearly crying on the phone, I could hear their voice breaking as though they were trying not to burst into tears so I could not really decline. They seem to have taken a liking to me and wanted a chance. I'll give them that chance as I felt upset to hear them sound so upset but I am worried they will get attached and I won't and then I will be stuck in a not very good situation with someone who is going to persist in pursuing me when I have decided there is no connection there.

I have also been spammed by another who would like to get involved as well. I had no choice but to switch my phone off at one point between the two of them.

I am really tired. This behaviour from people is not really acceptable.

Yet another disaster when I try to be social. This is why I isolate and pull away from socialsing.


Also why does no one understand my frustration with being unable to find an intellectual peer who thinks broadly enough to understand things in a similar way to myself.

I know you don't care that I will spend my entire life (in the real world) in misery because I am stuck around emotionally unstable mentally deranged people but I do. If the world wants me to socialise...it needs to stop freaking me out then or stressing me out with out of control insane behaviour. Because I am going to continue to refuse unless I can find some rational people to spend time with.

I am quirky so I attract people with odd quirks that are non productive. MY quirks are productive and actually improve my functioning, they are not pointless. I am merely creative in regards to how I go about things and they are carefully constructed to get results without being dangerous or harmful or distressing to others (I do not like seeing living critters in pain be they human or animal, even if I do eat meat for nutritional reasons I still don't like animals being slaughtered inhumanely or raised in horrid conditions). they are NOT compulsive or impulsive, they are carefully constructed and planned or have been thought through beforehand. As my mum used to say there is a method to my madness. People just don't understand that madness or my method and keep mistaking it for a mental health issue.

So I talk to myself or rant to myself to ease my emotional upset and express myself...that is considered weird? But if I were to drink, do drugs, or partake in other behaviours that are destructive or damaging as a way of coping with my pain that would make me cool or socially acceptable? This is why I say the human race is mad. My behaviour is but harmless. theirs is not.

Even if I went for an assessment for aspergers it won't change anything as for me it's not just about learning new social skills. I am still going to be bored with the limited conversations littered by ignorance, lack of understanding and the human obsession with talking endlessly about themselves and their god damned f*****g ego to the expense of all else.

I mean come on, I don't mind sometimes but is that all that exists in their world? They don't care about anything else but themselves and their status? And people say I am the one who is self absorbed?

They are not into conservation? Human rights? The human treatment of animals? Science? Art? History? Anything but their own world?

I am talking about people in general, not on the spectrum. People with ASDs at least talk about their hobbies sometimes which is not the same as talking about themselves so kudos to them for that. You can often pick up something of interest from people on the spectrum and its why this is one of the only forum boards I actually take time to read. But people in a general are beyond obsessed with their social lives and social status and do nothing else but talk about themselves.

I don't like talking about myself actually...I like to learn and like to listen to others talking but only when they have something to teach me. Most people I meet don't. Too lost in their own selves and their social lives.

why can't I find an intellectual peer to enjoy spending time learning fascinating things with? In the real world, not online. I don't maintain online friends, I find being stuck at my computer all the time unhealthy, unless people want to talk in such a way that I can move around whilst chatting (I do not like sitting down all day my joints become stiff, I have a lot of energy and would rather be physically active...the internet is boring and limited in that way sitting there tied to my keyboard so I can't multitask or do anything else)


I hate being alone on this planet.

I keep attracting clingy people and that is too much for me...i need space and will run if someone clings to me.

Relationships wise is a disaster as I don't want to meet someone based on a set list of criteria or where they have decided I am a suitable life partner based on some traits they think I have. It doesn't work like that. It's usually a case of you meeting someone, finding you enjoy their company are attracted to them, spending time with them and letting the relationship develop naturally or slowly in its own time. Basically falling in love....relationships are not a business arrangement. I guess they can be but I am not looking for that. I was looking for bonding/connection. This is something that happens as you spend time with someone you find attractive. You can't just jump in talking about being life partners, that's like putting the cart before the horse and will scare people off.

I don't think Aspergers organisations can help with any of that. I have been looking at their site, they teach social skills. That won't change any of the above. It's just going to add more frustration where people keep telling me obvious things that I already understand or know and underestimate my intellectual ability and general intelligence. I am tired of society holding me back based on my age (such as at school...I struggled because the teaching pace and work difficulty was below my actual level of ability because it was based on my chronological age rather than my actual stage of development which was in advance of my same age peers) or based on some label a dr gave me (I am labelled as having anxiety and depression so it is assumed I need support with learning or that I will become stressed by learning or exams etc...um I enjoy exams, I can get A grades without revision, I love learning and enjoy new challenges, it excites me it does not stress me. People stress me, not studying and I don't need extra support with it. I learn faster than average not slower, I don't have any learning difficulties and I have my own natural process for learning which comes to naturally and is not forced so I don't need someone holding my hand and constantly patting me on the head telling me that I can do it..I already know I can do it, thank you.

I don't need support with everyday living so I won't benefit from that. I don't get things done because of my depression not because I can't do them. I know how to run a house, pay my bills etc. My depression is caused by my social situation. I can't cope with the clingly people I attract they are too much constantly wanting my attention and getting paranoid and spamming me when I am not able to answer them straight away. All spamming them will do is make them ignore you. I just turn my phone off to stop the bombardment. And I don't always know where to go to make friends or how to go about it (the part that makes me think there might be some aspergers) especially when it comes to finding an intellectual peer. Even at Uni my grade average was unusual and I was the only one in my classes getting A grades. The tutors did say people getting consistent A grades was rare but I didn't believe them at first. I was so disappointed that there weren't others there getting the same grades as me.

How is getting an Aspergers diagnosis going to help me?

It's not even going to help me get over and move on from all the abuse and bullying I have suffered.

It's not going to help me find an intellectual peer. Having aspergers is not the same as being intellectually advanced although they can be more intelligent than average and having aspergers does not ruling being intellectually advanced out.
I am still not going to find socialising fun as people don't do anything interesting and are only interested in their narrow world and the mundanity of their own lives. It's not as though they ever want to talk about anything else or learn anything not related to themselves. This does not mean I don't care about their welfare, I feel their pain and want to help when someone is hurt but this obsession with the self and the ego and their life their life what they said, what someone said to them at the expense of greater knowledge that could benefit the whole planet is annoying. I don't mind listening to them some of the time, but all of it?
They don't even want to do anything exciting...go climbing, horse riding, boating, kayaking, traveling, dancing, amateur dramatics, sight seeing, hiking riding roller coasters, visiting marine life centers and so on. So it's not like they are fun in that way either.

I am confused as I appear to have some aspergers. I shouldn't be having this much social difficulty if I didn't and I have some of the traits of it especially when it comes to intensity for my interests but I don't belong here or in aspergers groups anymore than I belong in the NT world.

I cannot enjoy being social. I want to, I want to find someone like me. But there is no one and I can't cope when I do attract people into my world. I'm too scared to try anymore. It has been this way for years now. I am only going attracted another mentally unstable person or someone who is too clingy for me to cope with or worse still someone who is abusive so I am giving up on socialising as I think I have had enough now and it's obvious that I am not going to get a break in that way. I realise people don't like me and they mock me and will find this funny as you think I am some horrible person who deserves what I am getting, but I don't. I have never hurt anyone even if I do have strong opinions people are not fond of. I have my own frustrations related to my levels of ability. Just because I am clever in some ways that does not mean I don't suffer or that that does not come with its own set of problems. Hell I failed at school because of it, despite my ability because the education system was not set up for people like me. It would have been better to put me in a class with students of equal ability instead of dumping me in general population with a teaching pace that was far too slow for me and far below what I was capable of, but they did not and it resulted in my being the class odd ball and not being accepted by my peers due to my differences. They did not understand my tendency to think outside of the box. So don't assume I have had it easy or that I am arrogant. I am frustrated as I am not able to find fulfillment and I live in a world that scorns me for my ability rather than one that wants to make use of it. I can only use my ability in my own personal world and cannot use it to help the planet as I originally wanted to because of people being intimidated by it (I have been told my ability is intimidating and was asked to contribute less to group work so as not to upset the other students...its one reason I can't work in groups. Not because I don't have group working skills as such but more because I can't get that group to understand me or because my skill level is much higher than theirs and it upsets them and makes them feel insecure).

PN I am not accepting any more social invites from anyone. Their behaviour is too much for me to handle. Can anyone recommend a professional who might understand my difficulties? My difficulty finding an intellectual peer, my difficulty coping with human behaviour, my developmental (advanced development and ability to learn) as a child and how that would affect my relationships, the abuse I went through and how that would affect me given my different neurology and so on?

I need help and I am not getting the help i need from anywhere. The cbt therapist does not understand and works with a belief system I don't share (all that worthlessness bollocks...no such thing as a worthless life and I am not interested in all that nonsense...stop being silly) and I don't think learning social skills with an aspergers group will ease my frustration.

Im stuck. There just seems to be no help for someone like me.

Sorry about my typos. I ate more sugar than I am used to eating yesterday (i had haagen dazs) and I am feeling somewhat hung over this morning. I am sure it will wear off later when I get back to my beloved paleo diet properly (80/20 thing where you throw in the occasional processed crap as a treat...might skip that in future, I feel like I have been drinking alcohol all night when I only had a tub of Ice cream).

Please read past my typographical errors.

What a nice word that is...typographical. And bombardment...I'd forgotten about that one until I just used it in my text.

Adds it alongside my other favourite word discombobulated.

Note to self:

Fantastic words but will my brain stop using the wrong ones please. Yes I know I upset you with all the sugar brain and now you are feeling glitchy this morning but I appologise for that. Try to behave and keep up. Thanks. I feel like I've had a labotomy. What do they put in Belgian chocolate haagen dazs?

Firstly; it is your right to tell people when their negativity has no place in your life or mind. Let them know when they incorrectly conclude you have nothing better to do than allay their inadequacies. Study something you really wanted to and let them KNOW they aren't prioritized over your reading. I had to just last week, it was bloody awful but I had to because a *former* friend tried to diminish the importance of one of the only cures I ever found for my own anxiety (spoilers, it's green) by manipulating me much the same way. Good fracking riddance. If I ever see him again I hope he runs, or he'll be hearing a lot of ugly truths I am %110 physically prepared for his potentially moronic reactions to.

I'm not sure I have too much more to expound upon but I'll leave Firefox open, I truly & utterly suck at sleeping anyway.

note: I'm a coder, and you're right that staring at glowing rectangles is an unhealthy decision. I didn't give computers screens . You're probably referring to occular headaches, which there's actually software to deal with! https://justgetflux.com/

I don't have any concrete solutions to offer because I don't live in the UK and I don't understand how their medical system works.

I don't know what the answer is for you. I am still trying to find the answers for myself. I would like to suggest that you are seeing things from a very limited perspective. The world is much bigger than the area you have grown accustomed to living in. Have you thought of traveling, taking a trip to a place you are interested in, perhaps conversing with someone there who shares a similar interest? I know, for me, I go to a large metropolitan area on a regular basis. It is helps me realize that where I live at is not the whole world and there are wonderful people out there. They just don't live nearby. It is like a break from the isolation I experience on a daily basis. I get to see "normal" people and prove to myself that they do exist. I hope one day to move to the city and I am taking steps to make those hopes a reality. Until then, wrongplanet seems to help some. At least I get to see other people who have similar problems.

You don't get to choose your friends. It just happens. You need to train the ones you have become more interesting.

First mistake.



I know it's not easy to, but you don't actually have to go. he/she sounds like a massive manipulator.



No to both of them.



These people don't know that you don't like them. Have you asked them to stop messaging you? Or that you aren't interested in dating them? Personally, If I were you I wouldn't give out my phone number so easily.
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Your best bet is to some how give them the brush off. I understand your frustration about not knowing whether there is anyone you can relate to, it sucks.

I don't agree.

You can't force people to be your friend, but you can choose not to be friends with people you don't like or relate to. Even if leaves you with no-one or 2 people.. that's better than a whole lot of people you don't actually like.

You can't expect people to be more interesting. You can try and get them to do things, but in the end you have to make a tough decision.

I love this. And it also holds true in the larger world. While we should try and persuade NT's to like us and have every right to demand they don't attack us we can't force them to like us.

If you want to find intellectual peers, then you should go to some places near universities, where there are many smart people who like to talk about intellectual topics, or you could go to university and pursue some difficult field of study like particle physics, nanotechnology, electrical engineering, astrobiology, computational neuroscience, there are many to choose from, and all the people around you will be intellectual peers, and most of them will be quirky too.