Having a meltdown vs. anger in the heat of the moment?

Post Reply New Topic

I was just wondering, what's the difference between having a meltdown and getting mad or really annoyed by something and lashing out in the heat of the moment?

I am someone who has been told by my parents often that I have anger control problems. When I get really annoyed by something I raise my voice/yell and may sometimes throw something (small/lightweight) at something or someone or even put my hands on them (much less often now as in the past). In the past it used to even sometimes be larger things that could have broken, but over time as I simply got older and matured, my brain has started to take a moment before me throwing something to think about weather the item may brake or become damaged. One time I had picked up a small pillow off of our couch and just as I lifted my arm to throw it, my mom rushed over and took hold of my arm to stop me from throwing it. Several seconds later, I put down the pillow and calmed down. This only happens to my parents and at home, and never in public or someone else's home (I'm very shy around strangers)
Also, whenever I lash out/have an outburst, I'm fully aware of what is happening, it only lasts for some seconds and I can calm down afterwards on my own with very little effort

Is this a meltdown or is it just anger issues that some NTs have? My anger is most of the time directed at the person who did or said the thing that annoyed me.

Lashing out in anger is just that. You are angry at someone or something and because of that specific thing you react and lash out. It is very directed and very specific and it is something you decide to do. Also if you remove the source of what is making you angry you can stop being angry unless you are the kind of person who will hold a grudge. Sometimes we react so quickly when lashing out in anger, or if we have not been taught to be disciplined with channeling and controlling our anger that it can seem like a spontaneous involuntary response.

A meltdown is a neurological response. It happens when the brain is overwhelmed and needs to reboot. It does not have to stem from anger. Devilskisses started a a similar thread where she asked the same question but relating to sadness rather than anger. You might find great insight by the posts there as well. A meltdown can be triggered by too much sensory input. For me it happens when my brain is trying to process more than it can handle and it just kind of crashes like a computer might. I am not lashing out at someone or something, I am just overwhelmed. Other emotions like anger or sadness can be involved and can definitely contribute to a meltdown but in and of themselves they are not the cause. Even in my headbang meltdowns which for me happen because of frustration or anger, it's not because I am angry but because I am trying to process too much of stimuli coming in which is making me feel that way and I can't keep up with it. If it were coming in at a much slower rate, I could probably keep up with it and still be angry but be able to process it and either deal with it or choose to lash out in response if I wanted to. But what causes my meltdown is the inability to process the amount of information coming in that I have to decipher. If the source of the frustration is removed I will still headbang. I have to do it in order to help myself reset. And even in my crying meltdowns, even if the source of whatever set me over the edge is removed, the meltdown will still play itself out. Sometime a meltdown is the only way that I can reset.

I think you might just be really angry at someone who is really irritating.
I am glad you asked though. It's a very good thing to understand and many people don't know the difference. A lot of kids will get punished or disciplined for a meltdown because parents think they are having a temper tantrum or just lashing out of anger. That has happened to me and that is the worst thing you can do to someone. You don't want to discipline during a meltdown because they can't even process what is going on at the moment and that is why they are having it in the first place. It is never because they are being "bad" so if you punish them for it it just hurts them more.

But just like with DevilsKisses' question about meltdowns and sadness, this is a very important question so it was very good that you asked it.

Anger can be triggered by being insulted or wronged and nearly always has the component of feeling that one can (possibly) change things. ("fight")

If uninterrupted -meaning if someone doesn't grab or push or make performance demands- meltdowns are the "flight" or "freeze" (hiding in fetal position) and most any semblance of fighting is normally an effort to escape.

Targets imply that it's anger.