Important tip to aspies!

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If you make an effort to remember, when you're interacting with people, to keep yourself focused in the here and now, you'll notice your relationships improve. One of the main reasons we're so painfully tuned out on a permanent basis, is that NTs find this trait in us intolerable (the self-absorbed, oblivious focusing on something the here and now reminds us of, and a lengthy (or even short) narration of events that are totally unrelated to what's going on and therefore a waste of people's time).

All agreed. If someone's rambling on about one particular subject and then they ask "what do you think"? it's going to be kinda obvious if you're not paying attention. Then they get upset.

I'll give an example: 2 people are on the way to the bus stop when they both realize they don't have change for the fare and there's no kiosk around. One of them says: "Oh-oh, we're in trouble here." The other, instead of going into problem-solving mode and thus being meaningful, helpful company, answers: "It reminds me in 1963 I was in Thailand and didn't have money for a cab, so blah blah blah blah blah.......", leaving their companion not only to deal with the problem and find a solution all by themselves but also having this boring radio program on loudspeaker next to them all along. Then they never suggest going places with us anymore, and we don't know why.

So THAT'S why I have no friends!

Yes.

In a group setting one has to adopt the

"What's best for the group"-mentality.

Not the

"What's best for me"-mentality

that we tend to have. Like cats, AS people have alpha-brain waves. That is what causes the trouble. Our brains are not designed for group interaction.

Or have friends who learn to think in the same way.

For anyone interested in learning more about being in the present here and now than you thought even existed, I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's two books: The Power of Now, and, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.

They're both very good and do an excellent job of explaining what it is to be present in the here and now, as well as what all of the challenges are that we face in terms of being that way and how to consciously overcome them. I think everyone faces these same challenges, but autistics tend to have much more difficulty with these things as we're more likely to be distracted by thoughts and reactions than others.

I found them both to be incredibly helpful books. So, if you're interested in learning a lot more about this simple concept, pick 'em up and give 'em a read!

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