Motivating my boyfriend to get a job!!

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Sailor_Mercury
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29 May 2014, 3:28 pm

My boyfriend is 22 years old and will soon be turning 23. He recently graduated college and is taking some time off before grad school. I've mentioned to him that he should start looking for jobs or at least an internship to get some experience. I have even gone through the trouble of finding about 10 open positions for him. However, the only interest he has right now is playing his PlayStation.
How can I get him motivated enough to look at the job postings and even apply?? I'm trying to help him all I can but I can't create a resume and apply for these jobs for him. Any thoughts??



Dr_Cheeba
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29 May 2014, 3:52 pm

Sailor_Mercury wrote:
My boyfriend is 22 years old and will soon be turning 23. He recently graduated college and is taking some time off before grad school. I've mentioned to him that he should start looking for jobs or at least an internship to get some experience. I have even gone through the trouble of finding about 10 open positions for him. However, the only interest he has right now is playing his PlayStation.
How can I get him motivated enough to look at the job postings and even apply?? I'm trying to help him all I can but I can't create a resume and apply for these jobs for him. Any thoughts??


Ultimatums work... You either put all your effort into getting a job or I'll be forced to leave you.


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Eccles_the_Mighty
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29 May 2014, 3:54 pm

1) Hide the controllers for the Playstation until he gets off his ass.

2) No job hunting - no sex :lol:

Lots of people have some time off after graduation including me but the idea here is to broaden the mind rather than waste time in front of a TV playing games. Your boyfriend therefore needs a large dose of reality.


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29 May 2014, 4:03 pm

Are you two living together and sharing expenses? Right now, he needs to be living alone, and responsible for all his own expenses. If he can't pay the electric bill, he won't be able to play with his play station, and will have to get a job to get it to work again. If he can't pay the rent he will either get a job, or have to move in with relatives, or be homeless. If you are living together and sharing expenses, you alone will be paying for everything because he is not bringing in any money. Are both your names on a lease? If so, tell the landlord that you will not be renewing together when it comes up for renewal, and then move out at that time without your boyfriend. If your name is not on a shared lease, move out right now. If only your name is on the lease, pack his stuff, kick him out, and change the locks. Just tell him he can come back when he mans up and gets a job, so he can help with the expenses. If you are not living together, tell him you won't be seeing him again, until he has a job, and don't back down from this.

All your helping won't put your boyfriend on the "employed" list. Only he can do that, and he will only do it when he is motivated enough to do so. All you can do at this point is stop enabling him financially if you have been sharing living expenses, or stop seeing him until he has a job, if you have not been sharing expenses. He won't take responsibility for his expenses, while someone else is paying. You should rethink your relationship. You deserve better than this deadbeat.



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29 May 2014, 4:21 pm

Sailor_Mercury wrote:
My boyfriend is 22 years old and will soon be turning 23. He recently graduated college and is taking some time off before grad school. I've mentioned to him that he should start looking for jobs or at least an internship to get some experience. I have even gone through the trouble of finding about 10 open positions for him. However, the only interest he has right now is playing his PlayStation.
How can I get him motivated enough to look at the job postings and even apply?? I'm trying to help him all I can but I can't create a resume and apply for these jobs for him. Any thoughts??


Taking time off after graduation is ok for a semester's worth.. a wind-down vacation of sorts. If it has been longer than that...If he's not even looking for a job OR grad school then he needs to be looked at in the eyes and told its time to grow up. You shouldn't have to babysit a man-child. Enabling these behaviors (if you two are living together and sharing expenses) only makes you his 2nd mom and I doubt that's what you want in a relationship.

Its harsh but if he's really bunkered down on a console game then he needs a swift kick in the butt or he'll stay there.



chris5000
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29 May 2014, 5:03 pm

it could be an executive functioning issue



kraftiekortie
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29 May 2014, 6:08 pm

I agree---the guy should get off his butt and get a job. Playing video games all day will scramble his brains.

Has he been accepted to any grad school yet?

Indeed, if one doesn't have internships on one's resume/CV, it's difficult to find entry-level positions in one's chosen field.



perpetual_padawan
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29 May 2014, 6:08 pm

Sailor_Mercury wrote:
My boyfriend is 22 years old and will soon be turning 23. He recently graduated college and is taking some time off before grad school. I've mentioned to him that he should start looking for jobs or at least an internship to get some experience. I have even gone through the trouble of finding about 10 open positions for him. However, the only interest he has right now is playing his PlayStation.
How can I get him motivated enough to look at the job postings and even apply?? I'm trying to help him all I can but I can't create a resume and apply for these jobs for him. Any thoughts??


Is your boyfriend on the spectrum and how long ago did he graduate? It took a tremendous amount of energy for me to get through school with thesis draftings and presentations. I know I needed a couple months to decompress and get my head together.


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Sailor_Mercury
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29 May 2014, 6:42 pm

We do not live together. But in the future I hope to be!!
His parents pay for everything.
He graduated this year. And I know maybe I am pushing too hard too fast. But I went through all the trouble in finding a few positions open.
I am just afraid he'll be left behind in such a competitive job field if he doesn't boaden his work experiences. He graduated college with honors and I am afraid he thinks that will be enough to impress employers.
He's even called this summer the "Summer of Sonya" (Sonya is what I call his PlayStation) because there are a number of games he wants to buy this summer.



Dantac
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29 May 2014, 6:47 pm

If he graduated this year... umm... I dont know if the universities there have the same schedule but where I am the universities had their grads just this month.

In any case... in my opinion...give him at least the one semester off (Summer?) then see what happens. If its been more than that then refer to my original post.



kraftiekortie
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29 May 2014, 7:16 pm

You sound like you really like this guy. And you sound like you're a pretty nice person.

I think it's healthy for a person to want to make his/her own money. He has to gradually find ways to not depend upon his parents so much--otherwise, it becomes unhealthy, and it's a habit that's increasingly more difficult to break as one gets older.

He might even "transfer" the dependency from his parents to you (this situation would be even more unhealthy!)

He can play his video games in his spare time.

What did he major in during Undergrad? What will he be going to graduate school for?



perpetual_padawan
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29 May 2014, 7:23 pm

Sailor_Mercury wrote:
We do not live together. But in the future I hope to be!!
His parents pay for everything.
He graduated this year. And I know maybe I am pushing too hard too fast. But I went through all the trouble in finding a few positions open.
I am just afraid he'll be left behind in such a competitive job field if he doesn't boaden his work experiences. He graduated college with honors and I am afraid he thinks that will be enough to impress employers.
He's even called this summer the "Summer of Sonya" (Sonya is what I call his PlayStation) because there are a number of games he wants to buy this summer.


Wow. Wasn't that just like a week or two ago? If he graduated with honors using the same dedication to perfection that I did, then maybe give him a month or two to gather himself, because I'm willing to bet he's emotionally/intellectually/physically drained.


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Sailor_Mercury
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29 May 2014, 7:40 pm

The thing is though he did not take a full course load. It look him five years to graduate.
I'm just trying to get some ideas for the summer. I just don't want September to roll around and he doesn't have anything lined up.



kraftiekortie
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29 May 2014, 7:44 pm

Playing video games is a hard habit to break. I had a Miss PacMan habit when I was in my early 20's. It didn't keep me from working--but it kept me from making friends.

The guy has to get out of the house, and view the world.



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29 May 2014, 7:53 pm

Sailor_Mercury wrote:
My boyfriend is 22 years old and will soon be turning 23. He recently graduated college and is taking some time off before grad school. I've mentioned to him that he should start looking for jobs or at least an internship to get some experience. I have even gone through the trouble of finding about 10 open positions for him. However, the only interest he has right now is playing his PlayStation.
How can I get him motivated enough to look at the job postings and even apply?? I'm trying to help him all I can but I can't create a resume and apply for these jobs for him. Any thoughts??


Man that reminds me of my first boyfriend I ever had except he didn't go to college and finish, he was 20 and was not motivated to work or find a new job. All he wanted to do was play his computer game and he said it just has him pass time and gives him something to do. I saw that was not true at all or else he wouldn't be so anxious to get back on it or to get home to play it again and he would be motivated.

I hate to say this but you can't really force him to get a job and I know from experience with my first relationship and even tough love didn't work which is why we are not still together. I did try to help him but he shot them all down and refused help. I also would not recommend the "change or I leave you" approach. He would just think you are doing that to threaten him than wanting things to improve. I told my ex I was thinking about breaking up with him because I was not happy how things are going and he acted all cool about it. I did break up with him when he missed my birthday and that was the last straw and he was hurt by the break up. He may have thought I was just threatening him and he saw I was actually serious. It also didn't work in my last relationship either so yeah telling your partner you will leave them or even thinking about it or feeling like doing it or even saying it as a rant will not work. Instead I would just say how you feel and what you would want improved and leave out the leaving them part.


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