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JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 8:55 pm

I might be getting a full time job soon, and I've realized that I'm still not ready to live on my own. I can't cook on an oven or drive (I have a learners permit, but I still don't drive regularly). And I've never tried to talk to a girl yet, and I'm 22. So, I'd like some advice from some of you during this transition, what do you think I should focus on first or in what order do in need to learn and develop life skills, cause at this point it all seems like too much right now.



belikeh2o
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30 May 2014, 8:59 pm

Use your amazing powers.. Hunt down the knowledge, devour it, apply it. Do this with your amazing drive and focus. If living on your own interests you very much there's nothing that will stop you. Use the positive qualities of the syndrome in your favor.


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kraftiekortie
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30 May 2014, 9:00 pm

What sort of job are you getting? Will you be able to get to your job with public transportation? If so, I would hold off on the driving until you've been doing your job a little while.

At this point, I would concentrate on doing the job well over anything else, including the ladies.

Where are you located?

If you enjoy trivia, you could go into a sports bar, and enter a trivia contest. You could order cokes, rather than alcoholic drinks (that's what I do!) That's a great way to meet people without having to be a great social butterfly. If you're good at trivia, you would win prizes, and win recognition as well.

Or you could join a club which deals with what you are interested in.

Have you completed college/university?



JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 9:02 pm

That makes sense, and I've been trying to learn, but it's all so overwhelming and I'm not sure If I'm focusing on some things when I should be focusing on others.



JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 9:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
What sort of job are you getting? Will you be able to get to your job with public transportation? If so, I would hold off on the driving until you've been doing your job a little while.

At this point, I would concentrate on doing the job well over anything else, including the ladies.

Where are you located?

If you enjoy trivia, you could go into a sports bar, and enter a trivia contest. You could order cokes, rather than alcoholic drinks (that's what I do!) That's a great way to meet people without having to be a great social butterfly. If you're good at trivia, you would win prizes, and win recognition as well.

Or you could join a club which deals with what you are interested in.

Have you completed college/university?

I probably should have put this in, yes, I completed college last year with an AAS in Computer Analyst, and the job is as Web Programmer for the company that owns the local newspaper. I also attend a weekly game group where we play a D&D style role-playing game.



belikeh2o
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30 May 2014, 9:11 pm

JacktardedJake wrote:
That makes sense, and I've been trying to learn, but it's all so overwhelming and I'm not sure If I'm focusing on some things when I should be focusing on others.


That's the biggest obstacle to overcome when you set on a path to do what YOU WANT. You can do it. Start with food and work first. Watch youtube videos on picking up girls and fail, fail, fail. But, you'll eventually get it all right.


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kraftiekortie
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30 May 2014, 9:13 pm

Now you can educate me LOL....What's D & D role-playing?

You'll probably make friends at work. Including fellow programmers, I suppose. You could find commonalities in these people; people can find commonalities in you. This is how you will succeed socially.

It's good that your employer thought enough about you to make you their programmer with an AAS degree. I guess you were able to show them your knowledge!

All you have to do now is do your job to the best of your ability, be reasonably friendly to your fellow co-workers, and don't talk too much about your "special interest." Listen (without letting them know you're listening) to what they're talking about.



JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 9:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Now you can educate me LOL....What's D & D role-playing?

You'll probably make friends at work. Including fellow programmers, I suppose. You could find commonalities in these people; people can find commonalities in you. This is how you will succeed socially.

It's good that your employer thought enough about you to make you their programmer with an AAS degree. I guess you were able to show them your knowledge!

All you have to do now is do your job to the best of your ability, be reasonably friendly to your fellow co-workers, and don't talk too much about your "special interest." Listen (without letting them know you're listening) to what they're talking about.

D&D = Dungeons & Dragons, where a Dungeon Master or DM leads the other players in a story. Each character has stats and dice are used during combat. We're playing one based on DC superheroes, I'm Green Arrow in the game.

Thanks for the advice.



kraftiekortie
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30 May 2014, 9:25 pm

It would be great if one of your co-workers was also into Dungeons and Dragons.

Always remember to answer someone if they say "Good Morning," by (at least) saying "Good Morning." LOL....I wish I were there with you so I could gauze the situation better.

If a person shakes your hand, shake it firmly, but not too firmly. Don't be put off if a guy pats you on the back. The worse thing you could do is to seem standoffish. Are you into sports at all?



JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 9:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It would be great if one of your co-workers was also into Dungeons and Dragons.

Always remember to answer someone if they say "Good Morning," by (at least) saying "Good Morning." LOL....I wish I were there with you so I could gauze the situation better.

If a person shakes your hand, shake it firmly, but not too firmly. Don't be put off if a guy pats you on the back. The worse thing you could do is to seem standoffish. Are you into sports at all?

I know already about hand shaking and saying good morning, but thanks anyway. Actually, a big problem I've been having recently is that I'm trying to be get more interesting hobbies. You see, I spend most of my time looking up economics blogs, and when people ask me what I spend my free time on, I tell them that I go on the internet, but not specifically what I do on there as I'm too embarrassed to say I look that up.



kraftiekortie
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30 May 2014, 9:56 pm

I think people find economics interesting, especially when it applies to them.

It's better to talk about theories as the pertain to their realities, and your reality, rather than just the theories themselves.



JacktardedJake
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30 May 2014, 10:09 pm

Thanks a lot everyone. I'll try to apply is in the coming days.



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31 May 2014, 5:41 am

Just for now, put aside worrying about the driving, cooking, or even talking to girls. You main focus right now is that you landed a job. Put your energies into simply doing the best work you can at your job, and being a good and useful worker in the position you've been given.

As others have said, be friendly and polite with co-workers; return a greeting with a similar greeting. Try to smile while greeting someone, or nod a greeting. At first I would recommend that in any conversational moments, let others do the talking and listen to the conversations rather than dive in and take part -- this will allow you to start to get to know your new co-workers, and to gauge what kind of person each of them is.

Then gradually you can start responding or speaking up in those moments where chit chat is happening, on breaks or wherever.

If there are female co-workers, just think of them as no different from the men -- ie, just people -- and don't get flustered wondering if one of them might be potential dating material. Right now that's something to worry about much later -- your main focus is to be just being a good worker and getting along with the new people around you even if it's just as a quiet observer at first, socially speaking. Don't think beyond that right now.

For food at home in your own place, wait until you've adjusted to your new work situation and feel you've settled into that, before you tackle other projects such as learning to cook better for yourself, or learning how to start meeting girls.

The reason for this is that too many new projects of self improvement or life changes can be too overwhelming -- even for NTs -- so on the spectrum it can feel even worse. The key to anything is not to "bite off more than you can chew." Whenever I can in my life, I try to only have ONE new thing to tackle at a time, rather than several new challenges. It's overwhelming when every moment of you day seems to be packed with yet another activity that is a new challenge and learning curve rather than something familiar.

Keep it simple for now and take one thing at a time, even if it means eating microwave meals, a lot of fruit, or a lot of sandwiches for a short while.

.

.



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31 May 2014, 11:45 am

I just moved out on my own last month, I'm not working yet but luckily my parents are willing and able to support me. I can't drive either and relationships are probably the furthest thing my mind, if you can do it I'd definitely make a priority of getting your license. Hopefully you'll be with in walking distance of some things to do and shop. I made a point of picking out a place that was close to stuff.

Cooking is pretty easy and can be fun actually, cleaning the dishes and all the other prep is way harder. Start with one meal you can cook and start expanding from there, something like spaghetti or tacos are a slam dunk. Very hard to mess those up. I use to cook for my family almost every night(and boy are they missing me :P) but cooking for yourself is a little harder, I've cooked some meals over the last month but I want to eat a lil healthier but it's tough with the proportions + I only have like a dorm style mini fridge and two burners. I'm not going hungry tho.

Wish I could help you on the social stuff but I'm a work in progress to say the least on that as well. Good luck!



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31 May 2014, 7:48 pm

Boost your serotonin levels: eat turkey, cottage cheese, wild game, pork, avocado, cheese.
Turkey is the richest source, especially the darker meat.



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31 May 2014, 8:11 pm

Pretty much the same here, though I seem to be worst.

Just doing basic chores is about all I can muster.