opinions of me

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most people don't seem to have a stong opinion of me in any fashion. in fact, many people describe me as being "nice" a word i have come to realize people use when they don't know me well enough to say anything else. there's nothing of paticular interest about me. i'm not known for anything, not even what i'm interested in (i don't talk much about my interests, nor do i have any paticularly strong interests. i couldn't even figure out what to major in in college bc i wasn't interested in anything). i'd rather listen than talk, always. my desire for friendship meant wanting to find people who would tolerate my presence and let me tag along w/o being too involved. my clothes are not stylish or flashy, just look ok, simple, so i def don't stand out in a crowd. i don't voice strong opinions or beliefs (i know what i believe and if someone wants to know, then i'll share). i mostly just like learning what other people think, i like taking in my surroundings. my mom used to describe me as taking in the whole world and one day i would give it all back (she said that when i was a baby). i never gave it back, i don't know how to give it back. i feel like a no one. like i don't even exist. sometimes i feel invisible too bc i am so unnoticeable that people will run straight into me and be shocked to find that someone is standing there. is anyone else like this? does anyone here even have an opionion of me? i doubt i have even said anything on here that stands out, just like nothing about me exists in RL. in hs i always wanted to be an "invisible eyeball." thing is, i always have been.

I am always having favorable opinions of me, especially by family and co-workers.

In high school, I was one of the guys everyone looked up to.

Tim

The thing that jumped out to me in what you wrote was the word listening. That is something alot of people can't do. Oh they go through the motions. But being able to read body language, I've found very few people are really listening. I had to learn it because I so often thought everybody thought the way I did, so I learned to tell if they were getting my drift or not. It is a beatiful trait and people that can really listen are huge givers. It is no small thing to give to the world.

postpaleo

There is a time to gather. Not standing out, listening, moving through the world, gathering. I did not understand my skills when they were forming, I did not know the adult I would become as a child, sometimes it seemed meaningless, many times I was questioned, what are you doing, what value does it have? I had no answer, but could not live any other life.

In time the pieces started to fit, they were all needed, and I still wonder at the magic of it all.

I don't know you enough to comment really, as I have not been on the forum all that long, but I think you say interesting things and you seem to have a lot of tolerance and patience, judging from some of your posts. I do not think you are invisible, though I can very much identify with that. I am always saying that I might as well not exist because I do not exist to anyone else... it is a feeling of being invisible all the time. I myself have been known to make great efforts in my past to make sure I was not invisible, but this always backfired and resulted in torrents of unpleasantness.

I think being an observer is a good thing and can bring a wisdom that those who talk all the time will not so easily find. However, observing also means you should be a good teacher, able to share what you observe with others...in this sense, you would be giving back the world.