Curious about a conversation I had today

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I had a very interesting talk with someone today and I am not really sure how I feel about it. The person is a teacher and I met them (I will use the incorrect grammatical them rather than he or she) but anyway I met them at a grocery store and they overheard me talking to someone else about diet and overheard me tell me tell the other person that I was Aspergian. So they asked me if diet helped me with that because they occasionally have Aspergian students in their class. So we talked for a bit and as we talked the person told me that they were really into research and that through research and trying to find the cause of Autism they were hoping that they could find a way to prevent Autism. Well that is all well and good and worth what it's worth. But as I talked to this person and asked them if they knew anything about the Spectrum and what it was like to be on it, they responded as if they had no idea what this "Spectrum" was. So I asked about if they understand certain things that their Aspergian students face like for example they said that one student will only eat one type of food and if the student could eat healthier then the student would not struggle so much. And yes, this is true but I told them maybe there is a sensory reason why the student will only eat this type of food and if they are going to have students in their class, even if it's only one every now and then then they should probably learn about Autism and what it is like to be Autistic. Well, the person responded by saying, that is what the IEP is for and the student's personal aide, or whatever that person is called, and if there is an issue, that person just has to deal with it or they just put the student in a quiet place and let the student calm himself down. And when the person told me now much they would like to see a cure or a way to prevent Autism, I responded by asking if they had ever considered the fact that some of us might not want to be cured because we don't consider ourselves broken. But it seemed to me that this person was more interested in the research to solve the "problem" of Autism rather than finding out how Autistic people function and live and tick and what we think of ourselves and of all that research. It seemed that they were more interested in research on how to prevent or fix Autism than in relating to and reaching out to their Autistic students.

I don't really know how to feel about this conversation. I think it made me a little angry even though I am not sure how to identify what I feel exactly. I see the person's point but I don't know, it made me feel like we are just a problem project to be solved rather than human beings to be understood and respected. What do you guys think?

A lot of these brain-related conditions are considered a pathway to further understand the brain. As scientists studied what they believed to be the cause of Asperger's, the discovered parts of the brain that related to social reasoning, for instance.

If the research is effective, it is still worthwhile, even if the person involved has intents that you and I may not like. Of course, it's easy for me to say that because I wasn't involved in the conversation. If the guy came across as a real prick, I'd probably be on the forums complaining as well (and it sounds like he really did).

While it's hard to judge somebody based on a conversation, this guy maybe have had his own set of problems.

About not wanting to doing the the work the IEP does it may be a matter of a union contract saying they can't do that.

I would not expect most people who are not autistic to understand sensory of Executive Functioning.

I would be pretty angry at the person for not wanting autistics to be born in the first place. I would be angry at them for asking me about the topic and then apparently not wanting to learn about the spectrum, sensory issues, and about some autistics believing they are not broken.

It seems like a typical reaction by a person who is not schooled in autism. He needs to be encouraged to read up on it. Especially read first-person accounts, to supplement the research reading. I wouldn't be angry at the guy; I would just realize that there's a whole bunch of people out there who need to be educated.

Businezguy make a good point in that that autism research is "a pathway to further understand the brain." I don't believe that is being used, for the most part, to effect a "cure" for autism.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 05 Jun 2014, 9:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I feel as you described, a little angry. It kind of makes me feel as if I was a "lab rat" for these guys. Apart from the fact that their idea of autism seems to be based only on what they have read in books, not on actual experience, nor from listening to people, nor having autism themselves, they were talking to you as if it was not a part of you but just a problem they had to solve. But anyway if they were doing some research about it, how could they not know about the spectrum (right now I am thinking they are idiots, or they were lying, or both).

I know this will seem unrelated, but the conversation you described makes me feel a little bit like when I talked with my biological mother (I am adopted) a few years ago and she thought she should explain to me why she didn't get an abortion ... I was wondering why in the world she was telling me this, she gave me life and that's all that matters, it sounded like she was making excuses for not getting an abortion, it was so weird, as if she was talking to another person about me, but it was me she was talking to. I don't know if you will understand what I mean, its not exactly the same, but I get a somewhat similar feeling from your conversation.

Autism has become a topic of greater interest to the public of late. With that comes all kinds of new people entering our world, and most with very little idea of what it is, yet big ideas on how to fix it. Watch especially for those looking to make a buck out of it.

At this point I only take those with specific degrees and training in the field seriously, when it comes to ideas for treatments, training and such.

Yeah, I have been thinking more about the conversation. I don't think the person is a prick even though they might on the surface say pricky sounding things. And I have only had one conversation with the person so I don't know them at all really. I even think the person is extremely well intended. I guess what I think I feel, and it's hard for me to know what I feel and to express it sometimes, but I think this conversation reminded me of other conversations where I felt that the people had really strong desires to "cure" or "fix" me or "make me want to be more like them" before or even instead of just taking the time to get to know me and to appreciate who I am as a person with Asperger's. I don't mind that people research and want to find ways to help or even ways that could prevent Autism or whatever, but when you are in the presence of an Autist or if you have some in your class, I think it's more important to get to know them as people and put your desire to cure them or prevent their issues second. I am not saying that you should not support research because research is good and anything good and helpful that can come from it is also good, But if you are talking to me and asking me a question about what could help someone with Asperger's but you show no interest in getting to know anything about it or about us, that does not sit well with me. It makes me wonder why you want to help. Is it for our benefit or for yours?

So I am still not sure how I really feel. But maybe that's the Alexithimea in me as well. I don't know, the person had some concern but they also compared having Autism to having Cancer in the sense of wanting to find a "cure". I see those two conditions very differently. I guess I just wish the person had shown a little more interest in learning about Autism first rather than just trying to find a solution for a "problem" they know nothing about.

Maybe I felt hurt more than angry. I think I did feel hurt because I felt like they cared nothing about me as an individual but only cared about the research to "cure" me. I am really glad that I never had to have this person as a teacher. I know I might have done poorly in their class. If I had done well it would have been because of my interest in the actual subject this person was teaching but if I had not been personally interested in the subject I would have barely passed or even failed the class because of the vibe the teacher was giving off.

That conversation would make me very uncomfortable. I'm sure there would definitely be people on the spectrum that would want to be cured, but when one really thinks about it, a cure would essentially be wiping out everything that makes a you, you. That's a scary notion. And how exactly would autism be prevented? Genetic screenings done prenatally so pregnancies could be terminated? How does science prevent something that is so far thought of as neurological wiring differences?

skibum wrote "I guess what I think I feel, and it's hard for me to know what I feel and to express it sometimes, but I think this conversation reminded me of other conversations where I felt that the people had really strong desires to "cure" or "fix" me or "make me want to be more like them" before or even instead of just taking the time to get to know me and to appreciate who I am as a person with Asperger's."

This is why I hate ignorant people. That's like someone saying there needs to be "cure" for being black or gay. I wish people could just except people rather than trying to make them conform to their narrow view of world.

Last edited by aspie_comic_nerd on 05 Jun 2014, 11:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I told the person, we are not sick it's just our neurology is different. And they responded by asking what causes the neurology because we need to find out what causes it. So I asked in return, "What causes your neurology?" They never answered my question but only insisted further that the cause of Autistic neurology should be found out so that we can find a way to prevent it or fix it.

I think uncomfortable is a great way to describe what I was feeling. I felt like there was something wrong with me, not different but wrong, something that needed to be eradicated like Polio or the plague.

It's ineffective and feels weird to be angry with someone over what sounds like the preparation he or she received in school. It sounds like the person may have been interested in another point of view that was new to them.

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but reminds me of hearing a graduate student in teaching reading, who was a fully certified teacher already out in the world teaching general ed, explain they aren't really taught about dyslexia. She was almost done with her advanced degree she'd gone back for. And she told me she'd never met a student who had dyslexia either. Just so taken aback that a world as one thinks one knows it is not even there for other people who aren't bad just ignorant. It feels wrong to be angry with the non jerky individual, and dissatisfying to be angry with a collective.

Waterfalls, I have read this post several times but I don't understand what you are saying, sorry. Can you say it a little differently? I really do want to understand what you mean. Thanks.

This part I understand and yeah, it's not really fair to be angry at someone for that reason. But I think I felt what I felt because the person was talking directly to me and giving me their opinion about what they would like for me and people like me without knowing anything at all about me or even trying to understand the perspective of me, the person with Autism. I am fine with people having a passion to cure Autism and to research what causes it or whatever but if you are talking to me about it directly and telling me how much you study research to fix or eradicate the future of those being like me, and you show no interest in getting to know me or getting to know what it is like from my perspective, then that makes me very uncomfortable.

Waterfalls, imagine this person, a complete stranger that you are meeting for the first time who initiated a conversation with you after overhearing you talk to someone else, having this conversation with you in front of your Autistic teen or even with your child directly. I think you might feel uncomfortable about it too.

Really, the only thing you could do is educate the guy. You know what they say, opinions are like ****--everybody's got one. That would be my stance. The guy hasn't had much contact with actual autistic people--he will invariably lack knowledge of autism.

Anger is rarely productive, in my opinion. What's really productive is to offer the guy knowledge, which he could pass on to other people.

Frankly, I don't believe the "one cause" of autism will be found; there are so many causes--related both to nature and to nurture.

What the general society has to do is to allow the autistic person to carve his/her niche in life without feeling discriminated against.

Doctors are famous for this. They get lost in the technical detail that they have learned and forget the human in front of them.

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/med ... n_training
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/2 ... blogs&_r=0
http://www.medschool.vcu.edu/stories/bedside.html

The teacher sounds like a number of people I've met:

Out to save the world, not interested in listening past 10 seconds to what others might have to say, feeling good because they just know they're saving the world.

No wonder I still bang my head against the wall as a grown adult.