Anxiety!! !! !! !!

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I'm not diagnosed but I would like to tell you my version. The thing is before I found out about this aspergers thing I wouldn't have known about how appropriate it was to make eye contact, just that it was awkward and uncomfortable. I realised if I did it for long enough I could loose
My train of thought whilst I was talking and forget what I was saying. At the time I didn't know about anything to do with this so it just made me hot and flustered. Now I realise it's easier to just not look people in the eye because my eyes flitter anyway as I'm looking for what it is I need to say and it helps me to concentrate. Now I seem to be anxious about my actions because I now know that it's unfaithful to not look somebody straight in the eyes and it's making me more anxious thinking that I'm making all this stuff up now in my own mind. So I guess my concern is is this an anxious thing or an aspie thing. Because also I've noticed that people from outside my click people I've never met before can constantly throw me off the conversation and it's like I'm trailing behind, sometimes they laugh and it takes me a few seconds to figure out what there laughing at. You must know the people I'm talking about like a sales pitch, I dunno anyway this can make me slightly anxious too ex specially if I have to make an impression. Any thoughts??? Many thanks.

could be an asperger thing, could be an anxiety thing. i'm like you, not sure if i have asperger's or not, but i've been diagnosed with GAD and i have troubles with eye contact. like you said, it's awkward and distracting and makes me really uncomfortable! eye contact feels so weirdly intimate and invasive to me.
i've learned to fake eye contact pretty well, though. instead of looking in someone's eyes, try to look between their eyes, or at their eyebrows or forehead. it's helped me a lot in uncomfortable situations.

Thank you for the reply, this makes sense I also do this to take strain off if eye contact is too piercing. I will look at the top of there nose and I can blur my vision a little as well. Peace.

Certainly what you are describing is Asperger's like symptoms. Doesn't mean you have it, as there's other criteria as well, but it certainly would fit into a diagnosis. I would recommend you start by taking one of the online tests to determine the likelihood of Asperger's or not. They only take about 15 minutes, and can help you determine if you should further pursue a diagnosis.

As far as eye contact goes, since I've strongly suspected I have Aspeger's, and took all the tests which indicate I likely do, I've been focusing on eye contact. Understanding *why* eye contact is so difficult or impossible for somebody with Asperger's is hard to pinpoint. I have a crazy theory that it might be an auditory issue, as opposed to visual. Folks with autism/Asperger's may not be able correctly ascertain who is talking, and need to look in a certain direction the person is talking to ensure it's that person speaking. So they might look at the mouth, or cock their head to the right so they get a better understanding of who is talking. Normally the brain would interpret who's talking for a person, but if my theory holds, somebody with Asperger's would be unable to tell.

I find that in a conversation with multiple people, I have trouble keeping up with *who* is speaking. I believe I probably *could* keep up with who is speaking in a conversation, but instinctually I know that in order to do so I would literally have to turn my head in various directions in order to keep up. Not only would this require a ton of brain power and concentration, I would be afraid I would look rather like a bird, darting my head here and there. Maybe one of these days I'll try out moving my head with the flow of direction to see if that improves my cognitive abilities for conversations.

With that said, the most common theory of why folks with Asperger's have trouble with eye contact is because they feel their eyes are a window to their thoughts and behaviors. In other words, they have an innate instinct that a person will be able to recognize they aren't "normal". Speaking for myself, Asperger's has brought me low self esteem and certainly a sense that I'm not "normal". So there could be a self esteem or even "paranoid" aspect to why folks don't make eye contact. I don't favor the paranoid theory so much.

For instance, if I were to put a dog in cell (for the record I love animals, this is an example), and every time I enter I beat the dog, more then likely it would eventually look the other way and go in the corner when I enter. I think folks with Asperger's have been socially beat for years, and lack of eye contact may be our way of waving the white flag socially and saying, "We give up, for God sakes!"

Welcome to WP!

For myself, it is some of each. I want to communicate well, and sometimes it is best for me to just close my eyes while speaking. Sometimes I do that in a bit of an animated way to let others know I am aware of what I am doing, and sometimes I even add a comment that I close my eyes while speaking to reduce sensory overload (blocking distraction) since I think in pictures. However, I watch myself a bit there to be sure I do not get carried away with that and ignore someone else so I can hear myself talk. As to anxiety, I occasionally remind myself other people have the same option I have had to find out about people like me and learn to accept each of us just as we are. Some are not interested, of course, but their loss is then at least as great as my own.

Starting with with what businezguy said and nice too meet you. I do tilt my head sometimes, and other noises in the background do distract my train of thought because it would likely be that I was thinking about the distraction and not what the person was saying, and I would receive whole sentences in a fragmented manor. Sometimes I over concentrate which makes me think more about trying to concentrate than what the person is saying. This could be anxiety from previous times I had tried to listen, sometimes I just don't get some concepts at all, and sometimes I'm caught of guard because I don't know where the person is coming from or what there trying to imply. It could be a distraction in my own mind that causes it and maybe even symptoms of ADD I'm not sure, but I can just as easily forget what I'm about to say or can't find the words which also makes me anxious and fearful because I don't want to say the wrong thing or just start rambling as I collect what I'm trying to say. It seems like a conundrum I just can't figure out which element of it started first or if I'm just giving myself a hard time. On the basis of online test it says I'm very likely an aspie but I'm still not sure until I find out professionally. That's me saying don't be so silly. And leejosepho, nice to meet you too. Very good comments. I also visualise events in pictures but speak in words and visualise words, this is a conundrum for me also as I thought everybody could relay there thoughts in pictures I couldn't think otherwise. Many thanks

I suppose I can just walk around life explaining to everyone how much of a anxious person I am and I suppose to the people who saw me on a day to day basis would think its true because they might not see an apparent reason. I think my anxiety stems from past experiences. I couldn't care less about what people thought except when it comes to my work and looking professional. On a happier note I can focus in on a conversation and just fly depending on how much I like the subject and the providing I do not have distractions in my mind or the environment. It's like a self meditation to get myself in the zone. Plus I'm in the wrong trade as I demonstrate better through doing than talking. Nice comments thank you.

And I don't know if anxiety is the right word for it but there's sort of a mixed feeling as to why I never bothered with body postures, eye contact, I never knew if I was being rude because a person wasn't interested, I sort of knew but it would make me anxious of why they wasn't interested. Not only that I've been told I am rude, selfish, arrogant all of that takes it's toll over the years I'm now in my mid twenties

And just for the record I like this comment, more so for the people that had not had some form of diagnosis, because I most definitely feel like I've been beaten up and lied too, and then I just wonder if I'm bordering delusional. I hate not being 100% positive about something and I get anxiety. Hence it might be wrong to say it but I don't believe in god or anything that keeps me obsessing about something that might not be true. I suppose I'm anxious if I'm right or not, and feeling no where at the moment. Can any one shed light on this confusement? Maybe a dx appointment but I'm anxious about that too

Anxiety is part of it. Eye contact does cause anxiety which is why we avoid it. There are lot f reasons why aspies don't do it. From what I have asked others about their reason for not doing it, they said it makes them anxious or uncomfortable, I say the same and I also think I have ears so why look? It feels like prickly branches when I see their pupils or feels like I am being invaded. I have seen others say on here it makes it harder for them to listen, it hurts their eyes. I have a hard time with forced eye contact or eye contact on demand but if I do it on my own, I have no problems with it. My reason for going around asking other aspies online was because I was in doubt of my own symptom thinking it was something else that is causing it like shyness so I asked them and they had similar reasons as me.

I also tilt my head to the right when listening to someone, as well as looking at a person`s lips when they speak to seem as if I am looking the person in the eye.