Asperger's and Connecting with People

Post Reply New Topic

I was diagnosed with a mild case of Asperger's in 2011 and it seems like I've always struggled with tact and connecting with people. I'm not sure if they are related but it seems like whenever I communicate, it seems like I have trouble connecting with people at times. I may say a joke and people would keep talking like I never said anything. I may bring something up and people in the conversation change the subject or keep the subject on the topic at hand. I may try and start conversations with people but many of them do not want to go any further than, "hey, how are you...(I'm good how about you"..."I'm doing good)". I want strong connections with others but I'm finding it hard to communicate with many people. Its like I have a hard time "communicating appropriately" and I feel like I am turning people off by how I communicate and how I carry myself. I even fear and internalize rejection instead of dealing with it properly. Does anyone with this disorder struggle with tact and connecting with people? I find it rather annoying when people keep changing the subject or ignore me everytime I try to talk.

A lot of the time yes. Not always though.

I think people expect more as you get older

I find that I just need a bit more 'prompting' than other people and my family know it too now.

Instead of saying 'how was your day? good?' and parroting back 'how was yours, good?' we say 'did anything special/important happen today?' 'what's for dinner tonight?' 'how's your mum's diverticulitis?'

I can keep a conversation going for all of about 2 minutes now (which is an improvement from before).

I don't really 'connect' with others though...so how do you 'win friends and influence people'? Well, all you need to do is just look at what I do....then turn around and do the exact opposite.

If anything, I am a living facilitator for personal change because others don't want to 'end up like me'.

....and that's my only positive contribution to society.

I think what the OP describes pretty much happens to all of us.

Another related phenomenon is to be sitting with 2 other people around a table when one person is ostensibly talking to the other two in common but only makes eye contact with the other NT.

I completely relate to this, I'm sure a lot of the people on here do. I can 'talk at you' but I have trouble communicating properly on an emotional level and connecting with the other person. It's such a conflicting thing... I want so badly to develop a meaningful relationship with someone but I can't seem to manage it. I've tried very hard to make friends, and I have for awhile. But when you can't connect on a deeper level, instead of just surface, it fades away...

I also relate to MaxE here about the group talk. I will often sit down with a couple co-workers at break and
at first I will be included in the conversation, with eye contact and all. But eventually they won't look at me anymore and will just maintain eye contact with the other person or 2. Effectively excluding me even though I try to contribute as much as I can... This is why I hate working closely with people. Now that I'm a store owner, my new co-workers look at me differently and HAVE to listen to me so I like this better.

Yep. This happens to me frequently.

And when I imagine having a conversation with someone, especially an important conversation, I think through all the things I want to say and rehearse it, and I imagine the other person listening and responding and me getting to say everything I need to say. But in reality it never happens like that, the other person talks over me or ignores me, or seems to miss the point, or worse they misinterpret something I said and go off on a reaction to something I never even intended to convey to begin with. It makes me feel like I am just being taken along on a wild ride with them and have no real say in things at all. So yeah if there is a third person involved, it's like the two of them just go off on that wild ride together and I might as well not even be there.