Shattering the illusion

Post Reply New Topic

People seem to think I can just handle everything okay, but I can't. I feel like I'm living a total illusion and no one sees the real me. I try to hide the worst of my difficulties so I can go on living somewhat independently but the pressure is really getting to me. I feel like I have no real support from anyone.

The only person I have to talk to, just tells me things like "you're stronger than you think" it's just making me sick to hear it. It's just a variation of what my teachers used to say in school, "you're so smart, you don't need any help."

I don't know why I give off this vibe to people, like I don't need anything, like I can handle everything. I'm sick of it. Everyone needs help and support sometimes, whether they have a disability or not.

Yep...We're all living under an illusion, in a way.

We think of ourselves differently than others think of ourselves. What may seem like real to them, is actually illusion to them.

You really HAVE to seem like you have more poise than you actually have. That's goes for NT's, too. It's called survival.

The nature of your work, I find, is pretty demanding for an Aspie--you seem to do just fine, though (though you might feel shaky in the process, somehow, the shakiness is not conveyed to others--which is GOOD!! !)

Just never give up because of how you might perceive yourself; it's a waste of a life.

There are too many people on this site who have given up because they feel being Aspie/failure is an inevitable prophecy.

People do notice sometimes, I mean I have a tremor so people have commented on how I'm quite literally shaky. But for the most part I guess I'm thought of as being good at my job and no one realizes how hard it actually is for me to do it.

I don't have to interact with any one person long enough or often enough for the cracks to show. Which is a good thing, yeah, but it's also very lonely.

I know what you mean.

When I was younger, I wasn't very much into interacting with people, either. Still am not.

However, I developed a "court jester" persona, an "eccentric" persona which puts me in good stead when I don't participate in the typical conversations occurring at my job. I am seen as the "odd one," who makes people laugh (at various times at me; at others, with me).

Most of the time, I'm pretty lonely. I'm not in my element. My element would be a cottage in the country, living like a friendly Thoreau--but with computers and a car.

There are times when I get tremors. I stutter as well--sometimes pretty badly. I'm a clumsy ox, especially for a 5 foot 5 man; I make it seem like I'm 6 foot 6 or something--in terms of clumsiness.

People giving you no slack, and telling you you need no help. It is a life long repeating occurrence for me.

I can relate that feeling of being sick of it, and times of being overwhelmed.

I take that as a compliment, to tell you the truth. That I'm not in need of help, that there's not much wrong with me

When I was a child and youth, people would always think I was "ret*d." You don't know the rage that put me in. There was definitely something wrong with me, from my earliest memories--both from my standpoint and the standpoint of others. That put me in a rage.

However, for some reason, I always knew that I would transcend whatever "disorder/difference" I had. I would show them!! !!

To some extent, I've "showed them"--but only to some extent. I have a ways to go yet.

My sister tried that crap the moment I told her about my AS diagnosis. She even asked me a few weeks ago, "Why do you feel a need to be sick?" I tried explaining, but it didn't make much of a dent.

I remember when people I used to work with thought I didn't know anything, they even said "You only think you know" but I used to go to work asking their opinion on whatever the issue of the day was, suddenly they said to me "You proved us all wrong."

Yes, as Dean Martin sang, "Everybody needs Somebody Sometimes". Big hit...