Lack of respect

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I think I now know why I hate being labelled autistic. No one really respects autistic people. Even if they're adult age people still see them as children. No one really respects children. That's a sad, but true fact of life.

That is also why I'd rather say I'm gay than bi or questioning. No one really respects people who say they're bi or questioning, especially if they're an eighteen year old girl. They just think I'm another silly teenaged girl if I tell them.

Even if they pretend to respect it, I can still tell they don't respect my sexuality. They're probably thinking that I'm just some straight girl who thinks she likes girls just because she found a few girls attractive. All this crap has kept me in the closet.

Being in the closet sucks, but I don't see any point in coming out anymore. My stupid OCD just keeps me questioning my sexuality no matter what I do. I refuse to come come out as questioning for obvious reasons. I will probably stay closteted until I get married. Lucky me I'm canadian

Do you expect other people are going to respect you for being Autistic? Because they don't.

What I have found, is the less you try and include other people in your life and the more you do things on your own in total silence, the more 'respect' other people will have for you.

Other people like to see their fellow man struggling and getting ahead in life through their own resources, finances and ingenuity.

Sometimes, they may feel guilty and offer to help...but if you really want them to respect you, you say 'thanks, but I've got this and I'd appreciate being left alone now to do it'...and still struggle on while they watch.

People respect those with talents and abilities they lack within themselves. Humans are also curious creatures, so the more you push them away, the more intrusive they become.

I am almost totally silent now in real life. I only speak when spoken to, using the least words possible and showing others that my actions can speak much louder than my words ever will (I just cleaned my brother's house like a new house, from top to bottom in three days and it was a huge, huge mess).

I found many things that had been missing for years...many things that can be used to fix other broken things...I used 2 giant bottles of Dettol...

I remain silent and chop wood, scrub floors, hand wash clothes, mow lawns, detail cars...
I just let those who have a penchant for 'gasbagging' do so.

Sorry but they most certainly do not!

I got good grades academically on my own, I quit smoking and drinking and resolved those problems on my own. I also went paleo and gave up various foods stuffs on my own. I live on my own and have no help and support...I do everything for myself and still no one has any respect for me.

I am either talked down to because I have a label as though I am some kind of idiotic child (even at 38 years old) or as though I am intellectually challenged, underestimated in terms of my level of ability to do things, am pitied for some reason I have yet to figure out and/or just generally treated like s**t.

Alternatively people shun me because they have convinced themselves I think I am superior to them because I succeeded at something they are still struggling with.

I have even been asked to suppress my ability academically as it was upsetting the not so bright students in the group..perhaps they should not be at University if they can't cope with such things then? I was not showing off, or making a show out of it, I was asked to express my ideas in a discussion. I did...the other students got upset by it because it was above their level of ability. I thought I was sharing ideas for people to ponder and discuss....and I was only doing as I was asked by the tutor.

Also I have lived on my own since I was 17 and spent years looking after my disabled mother throughout my teens and 20s and yet people still treat me as though I can't do things for myself because I was given a label by the drs...it is why I no longer will accept having a support worker at this time. I was ill for many years with severe CFS like symptoms that eventually left me bedridden for 2 years. My digestive issues got so bad I was losing control of my bowel and all I got from support services was nonsense psycho babble claptrap about it being anxiety related.

Strangely, all those symptoms disappeared when I stopped eating grains and processed foods containing things like artificial sweetener, processed sugars, MSG and HFCS. I had issues with diary for a while after stopping grains but can now eat that without it upsetting me.

I have celiac disease in my family...I think they right royally screwed up my diagnosis and I don't think my symptoms were psychiatric at all. They NHS f****d me over with its ill informed dietary advice for my so called IBS (such as eat more wholegrains....! !! !! !! !) and anxiety/depression.

And yet I was still treated as though I could not do those things due to lack of ability, or not knowing how, or becuase of my state of mind...or mood.....

I WAS ILL...I FELT TOO ILL TO DO THINGS, I COULDN'T PUSH PAST IT!

Doesn't matter now...nearly all the physical symptoms have reversed since I stopped trying to put gluten grains back into my diet 5 months ago. The only ongoing issue now is my sleep when it comes to physical problems and then of course my social difficulties.

Psychobabble clap trap nonsense didn't help with that though...not only did it distract from the cause of my symptoms keeping me ill for longer than I needed to be (I could have changed my diet years ago and not lost all that time to illness...I hate the NHS) but it has lead people to stigmatise and treat me badly based on some sh***y label derrived from an ill-informed text book.



Absolutely NOT! They suffer from extreme jealousy and insecurity and hate those who are better at things or more capable than themselves. People aim to put these people down, make them appear less than they are, gossip about them and generally destroy their reputation so no one will take their talent seriously.

I have excelled job wise, academically and so on..all I got was kicked in gut and had my life ruined by the gossip and spite of insecure people who felt a need to take me out of the running.

At school teachers praised my ability, other students ripped it apart.
At work the management loved my work, the other employes gossiped about me, bullied me and were incredibly unfriendly. i rarely got fired though as as I said, management loved my work.
I succeeded at those other things above and have made any personal life style changes I needed to to restore my physical health and stop years of chronic symptoms that were crippling me from doing so..I get no credit, no well dones, no nothing...

Just accussations from people accusing me of thinking I am superior.

You get nothing for succeeding in this life even when you do it quietly.

And by the way I was not a show off at college...I am shy and don't like answering questions unless the teacher directly asks me. I did when was a kid but not so much as I got older...years of bullying took its toll. Also I always helped other students with their work if they needed, all they had to do was ask.

People are hateful creatures who harm those who have done no harm to anyone for their own sadistic pleasure.

Competition...

Last edited by bumble on 14 Jun 2014, 5:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

@Devilskisses

No one respects anyone in this society. It is falling apart. It is not functioning well at all.

So, maybe it's not what you have found.

After re-reading your reply...

So, is it 'respect' or 'acceptance' that you seek?

What is there inside you that's even worthy of being 'respected' besides your Autism?

I guess the difference between you and I, is that I don't crave acceptance or respect anymore because I realised it was akin to pushing marbles uphill with a rake.

If people cannot accept/respect/acknowledge me for who I am, then just screw 'em...and believe you me, not many can accept me for who I am and I have tried very hard to change my attitude....but change it according to whom now?

You make it sound like this respect is something you deserve...an 'entitlement' if you will and from the timbre of your comment, are pretty vocal about expressing such.

I am the opposite in temperament and having OCD as well, I seek refuge in that for the benefit of all.

I am bisexual. I don't tell anyone unless they are close to me. It's none of their business. I am autistic. I tell even fewer people about that because no one understands. They see my intellectual giftedness. They don't see the incredible difficulty I have with social interaction, sensory issues, and executive functioning.

As a young adult, you are at an age where you are still trying to figure these things out for yourself (or maybe trying to come to terms with what you already know about yourself). I went through a long period of suppressing my sexuality, then questioning it, then resenting the fact that it wasn't accepted by mainstream society, then (after I accepted it) not really caring what other people think. I have gone through the same process with Aspergers. It is part of my personal identity but nobody else needs to know about my diagnosis unless they are close to me.

I think you will come to a similar place of acceptance in time. Part of it is finding people who you can tell that you are bi and autistic and still receive love and respect from. You will find those people! You seem to be a very likable person from your posts here. Don't sweat it because some people are condescending or intolerant. Not all people are like that.

Nobody shame the OP for being in the closet, OK? It's a perfectly valid choice. With all the prejudice against autistics and against bisexuals (some of it by gay people, for heaven's sake; talk about shooting themselves in the foot), it makes sense to keep quiet about it. (I'm not implying that anybody is overtly shaming here, just that there's the danger of it, and we should make sure we don't.)

OP... yeah, it does hurt to have to keep things quiet. I kept things quiet for a while, before it became obvious that everybody pretty much knew that there was something off about me and figured I was either eccentric or intellectually disabled anyway... In a way, not having the choice to be in the closet is a relief to me, and I don't envy you for having to decide one way or the other.

Know that I respect you, as a fellow autistic person, as a fellow non-straight person (me = asexual panromantic), and as a human being in general. Respect yourself, too. That goes a long way, though it's easier said than done. Having WP as an outlet is probably helpful because this is a place where you can be yourself and nobody will put you down about it. Keep track of places where you can be yourself; they are a great relief to people who have to keep things quiet.

This probably isn't too relevant, but I never really said I was bisexual or autistic. I did identify as bisexual for a while because I knew I was attracted to girls and I had weird feelings for guys. I later found out that my feelings for guys were a symptom of OCD. I won't discuss that too much here.

I was labelled with autism when I was a kid and my parents didn't know what to do. The person labeling me obviously had no clue either, she just gave me the label that would get the most funding that vaguely fit me back then. This happens all the time where I live.

My mom has friends who have "autistic" kids who are obviously not autistic. One specific example is this intellectually disabled boy. He is very verbal and social and not autistic at all. He does have social problems, but they seem to be caused by his intellectual disability.

I know that being labelled with autism doesn't give me any respect. That's why I hate that label so much. I know this makes me sound entitled, but I think I'm entitled to as much respect as any other human being. I'm also entitled to be treated like an equal. I'm not asking for special treatment, I'm asking for equal treatment. Is that too much to ask?

I get respect from many people. The people who don't respect me, I punt out of my life.

Recently I was at a meeting for the political party I support and managed to get the wording of a disability-related resolution changed so it specifically mentioned the importance of consulting with self-advocates. When they asked for people to speak about the resolution, I put up my hand, went to the front and explained that I was worried their wording might lead to the government consulting with disability groups that don't represent the interests of self-advocates - only parents and such - and specifically mentioned the Autism Society of Canada as an example. So now, if my party gets elected, they'll have a policy statement saying they're supposed to consult with self-advocates when deciding on what supports are needed for certain disabilities.

In my experience, when I treat others with respect, most of them reciprocate. The few that don't are not worth having in my life.

About the respect thing, you can get it through excelling in other aspects of your life. There's nothing wrong with being in the closet. I'm out of the closet about being autistic because under no circumstances am I neurotypical-passing. People can always tell there's something "wrong" with me.

But I offer skills to people that they respect and every day I seek to hone those skills so that if they know me, and they respect me, they gain a greater respect for people with autism in general.

Maybe you just need to come to terms with your Autism and gain some self-respect first? I am just saying it out loud and it's not a criticism.

Nothing I say is intended to criticise or demean you in any way. I just have the habit of speaking my thoughts directly and openly.

I think that part of my problem is being too 'open' in my approach....but anyway...

No, it's not to much to ask to be treated as an 'equal' by your NT peers, but are you willing to make the personal sacrifice to act like them and pretend to be a NT just to get some 'respect'? It's obvious that you are not and hence the consternation.

Like stated before, you are young and I guess another of my problems is speaking in a general way.

You still have to learn how to just 'be yourself' and to be happy/content with who you are...gain a bit of self-respect and it will attract respect to itself like a magnet.

I also still have a lot to learn and I am not 'perfect' in any way....always seeking to define and re-define this 'face' I show others...and I have many faces...but above and under it all, I am a 'WYSIWYG girl'.

I am asexual, but I don't care if you are straight, gay, bi or whatever - that is none of my business, except for believing with all my heart that what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom (regardless of orientation), so your choice to remain closeted is appreciated out of general decency.

I'll stop now, I hope you aren't too mad at me.

I don't think that it's "obvious" that I'm not NT. I'm way more NT than autistic anyways. I think I was mostly a poorly behaved kid who was labelled with autism. I'm still not completely normal. I have symptoms of ADHD, OCD anxiety and depression.

I just don't want to call that autism because I don't think that helps me at all. I only use the autism label for funding. If I have to "disclose" anything I just say that I'm anxious. If they demand more explanation I'll just tell them that I probably have ADHD.

ADHD seems to explain most of my "autistic" symptoms. The rest of my symptoms can be explained by OCD or physical problems. I notice that my obsessions are a bit like special interests, but they've been way more OCD-ish lately. My sensory issues only seem to exist when I'm sick or tired.

So, you have been 'officially labeled as a child and doubting it', you are 'not Autistic, just Atypical' and you 'hate the label of Autism'...

Have you thought about going back to see a psychiatrist for a review since then? Put the matter to bed once and for all?

I mean, there's not much point in a garment having the 'wrong label' is there?

I've thought about it, but I don't think it's a good idea. One reason is because I have undiagnosed physical problems. I use my autism/disability funding for those issues. I've tried going to the doctor, but Canadian doctors are clueless. Even the best ones.

Another reason is because I'm not a black and white case. Some of my issues could look autistic to some people, not autistic to others and maybe autistic to most people. Since I was diagnosed as a kid before the "undecided" people will probably at I'm autistic because of my past diagnosis. I think that most people just go with the status quo when they're undecided.

You seem like a nice girl/woman. So what if you're labelled "autistic." It's not like it's on your permanent record or something--like you have a criminal record or whatever.

I've seen your picture--you're attractive. I can see men being attracted to you; I can see women being attracted to you. It's what you feel, really. You've had crushes on women before; if you happen to like women that way, that's okay. It's so much different now than when I was a kid. Then, you couldn't even utter the word "homosexual" in mixed company. Nowadays, you could actually get married to your partner if he/she is of the same sex as you. It's amazing, really.

I've always known I was straight; this notion was confirmed when I was molested by a couple of guys when I was 17 and 18 years old. I was a semi-willing partner to it. Just the notion of being intimate with a man disgusted me, and still disgusts me. Now...to be in the arms of a Lady---to be in her Embrace--Man, how I crave that!

You seem like a nice, sincere person. I hope for you to become independent, for you are capable of doing so. I think, at one time, you were really into the Icelandic language. Are you into linguistics in general?