Need help with a friend

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I discovered I have Asperger few months ago.

I have a friend that before I knew I'm an aspi we both felt that we are very similar. After I got to know autistic traits and kind of personal history (like being teased at school etc) I understood that we are very alike in the autistic way.

After I started suspect it, I discovered that she thinks people with Asperger are really weird (she knows a few) and she kind of really isn't nice about this subject. I also knows that her mother thinks she has Asperger, but she think she doesn't, so it's a way for her to push the diagnosis away, by showing that she isn't like "those" people.

Now, it kind of makes me annoyed and hurt, because I have it, and as I see it, she clearly got it too (by watching her it's becoming very obvious). She start to feel that I'm drifting away, and I think it's because of her reject to AS people .

I don't want to drift away, but it is hard to ignore it. And I don't know if I should tell her I'm an Aspi and I think she is too. And if so, how to do it in a gentle way...
It was hard for me to accept myself. And nobody forced me to understand it before. They only gave me light clues. which was kinder. I know that it would give her pain, but I guess also relief, as I had....

So what am I to do?

Disengage from trying to change her or anything about her and just watch for a point of need to appear in her own life, then try to capitalize upon that as an opportunity to carefully talk about *yourself* and your own struggles in ways that might inspire her to begin asking questions...then answer them by sharing more about yourself.

We talk about our struggles a lot. And she identify with me and she knows how I identify with her. Also before I knew about myself.

But when the struggle sounds more autistic, she brings it (the Asperger thing) up, in a defensive way. Then it's weird for me to "come out". I also told only two people by now, and it was safe. Because I knew that one of them accept Aspis totally, and accept me, and the other one is Aspi too... Also, she said ones she think I'm not. I didn't contradict her, because I was more struggling with myself back then...

The only thing that I did that is new is to make her see it's not too weird. She talked about someone (that is Aspi) she knows, that have done something kind of autistic, and I said that some people do it too. And then I gave example, about me doing it. But I'm afraid I come sort of too preachy.

I don't know how to talk about it not in a crude way. But I feel we both should talk about it...

The way you speak of her... she's a "best friend" isnt't she? Or at least a possible one... Just be honest to and about yourself - joining WP must maybe already have done one thing for you - teach you there REALLY is nothing to be ashamed of, and on the contrary - not even is there much "specialness" here, which is a term when used politically correct I despise, but moreover, that there is veryvery much here that can only be admired, even without the context of autism where it came from...

Just be happy with yourself, why not talk about your discovering this site...

One thing to consider, she might not be aware, but maybe she sort of feel ununderstandably "akin" with those people she would tend to ridicule, and her over-sensitiveness sounds like silenced fear even maybe - and, being a high functioning aspie (by definition, it follows from your post), more so by the way because you are a female aspie - and you and her are so very alike you observe - how would you - and she - not have the intelligence and honesty as an aspie plus them (more social and understanding) wisdom that comes with being a female aspie - to admit to yourself...

Why she reacts the way she does might of course have all sorts of other reasons beside the one my literary mind came up with... The only thing I know for very sure... my life was not screwed by having autism, my life was screwed up by NOT KNOWING I have it - and thus never having been in a position to REASONABLY ask the assistance just to have better managed my talents, which would have been easily sufficient to have a satisfying career had I wanted to - the assistance in fact I might always have been legally entitled to, and which would have prevented me from as good as ending up on the street, only after which I found out - life's little ironies... :[[

However, ACCEPTANCE is the key word, both socially and personally - and she won't accept it when you push her nose into it... maybe see it as a weird phobia, and hope by your own wondering over yourself, and as best friends, how would you not..., by slowly ever more exposure to also the bright sides of autistic life, the phobia might just turn into self-recognition.
If not, then not...
One scenario seems likely... how will you respond when she shows her attitude by poorly treating let's say aspies of a lesser god, in your presence... when will it time to be true to yourself?

Best of luck,

i am, aspiciously