Does anyone else hate unidentified phone calls?

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I really can't stand to get a call from a number I don't know, but I've just set myself up for that because I failed to advocate for myself and request another method of contact.

Edit:
Just to clarify, I don't mean "number withheld" calls, just a call from someone who is not in your contact list, so you see a number but dont know who is calling. It can be from someone you just gave your number too for whatever reason, or from telemarketers you dont want to hear from -- but you cant tell the difference unless you pick up.

Some background:
I'm taking part in a local art project that happens annually, and I had to approach a business owner to ask to host my work. It's already a big deal for me with my anxiety issues, to take part in this thing at all, and to have to approach strangers like this.

She asked for my contact details which I already had cards for, showing my email address and relevant website.

She immediately said that she'd like my phone number too, because she doesnt like email and prefers "To actually speak to a person."

I happen to be the opposite, I hate gettting called, especially when the number at first is going to be "unknown caller" and it may not just be this woman but marketers, scammers, etc. In the usual course of things, I'm a person who refuses to answer "unknown caller" calls as they usually do turn out to be marketers, and although I have dealt adequately with that in the past, I try simply not to answer now. It causes me anxiety and stress. Am I the only one who has that reaction, and therefore that policy?

Of course, any call in the near future is more likely to be from her, so in this instance I'll have to suck it up. But...

My preferred way to be contacted by someone I know or have just met is email, because it's not startling, doesn't interrupt, you can see a name in the From field right away even if this is their first time emailing you, unlike first time calling, and I check mine often enough that you will usually get a fast response from me.

But I didnt want to say anything incase it seemed churlish, like:
Her: "I don't like emailing, I prefer to speak on the phone,"
Me: "Um, actually I don't like getting phone calls, I prefer to get an email..."

So I just gave her my phone number, as the above potential scenario just seemed like there was no way not to seem rude and contrary or weird, or like I have a screw loose. I'm depending on the woman not getting a negative impression of me, a bit like a job interview.

I'm of course just going to have to "put up and shut up" and get this phone call anyway, trying to remember it's okay to pick up because it's probably going to be her.

But in future is there any way to handle asserting oneself about preferences like this without seeming to shoot down the other person's stated preference for contact methods?

I can't use an explanation about having spectrum issues or admit to the anxiety I experience, to explain my quirk about this, as I do not yet have a formal diagnosis (and probably would not wish to disclose anyway).

But I can't help feeling like I never assert my needs regarding my anxiety issues, sensory issues etc etc, and I always let other people's "preferred" this or that be what happens, even though my issues with it are silently screaming inside me.

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Last edited by BirdInFlight on 22 Jun 2014, 11:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

It is extremely rare for me to receive a phone call from anybody except a family member. If it happens, then I will almost certainly be expecting the call.

Most people are aware of the problems associated with 'unknown numbers', and avoid using them. If an associate asks for your number, then you should ask for the associate's number in return, and get it into your contacts list, so that even if they choose not to leave a voicemail, you will know who called. You then have the option to reply by email, and hopefully things will begin to get easier.

'Unknown numbers' are less and less common, and best avoided.

Yes, I should have asked for her number too, so that when she calls I will already have her name attached to the caller ID.

When I say "unknown numbers" I really mean a number who is not yet in your contacts, thus does not have a name attached to it. So the first time someone calls you it's going to jsut say "555-5555" instead of "Amy from work" like you can add after that.

I wishe I'd thought faster and asked to enter her number into my own phone with her name, so that it's labelled when she calls.


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I'm not fond of taking phonecalls at all, an 'unknown' or withheld number is just plain Fin rude.

Yes, I don't answer them.

Yep, me too, I dont even like taking phone calls from people I know and are already in my contacts list with a name attached to the call! I just really hate the necessary evil of phones in general.

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Phone and I have a love / hate relationship.

I love how you can speak to a person without most non-verbal cues.

I also hate how you can speak to a person without most non-verbal cues.

This paradox makes me flinch every time the bloody thing rings, by the time I've answered I'm already furious.

Speaking to people on loudspeaker or hands-free makes me want to strangle them, no matter who they are.

Internet telephony is worse.

Totally with you Pobbles, I flinch too when it rings.

When I was very much younger I had almost a phobia about phones and broke out in a sweat when I had to make a call. I'm a lot better with that now but I still hate the things when it comes to contact with people who are not already close with me.

I love your sig -- thats one of my favorite songs.

YES YES YES! I hate those calls! I just can't bring myself to answer them!

yes

I'm relieved to learn I'm not alone in this.

The odd thing is, I grew up in the time before caller ID, or even cell/mobile phones that you can enter a name to go with the number. We used to just have to answer the phone never knowing who was calling. But those were also the days when telemarketing hadn't been invented yet either, so you knew that if the phone rang it could only be someone you already know and are probably fine about talking to.

These days, for me, a number without a name just feels like anxiety in a box with a bow on top!

NostalgiaTime: When I was a kid, ours was the only house in the street with a telephone, and neighbours from all around would arrange for incoming calls to be received at pre-arranged times. Overseas calls were almost exclusively between Australia and Great Britain, and they needed to be booked in advance, and their duration was limited (especially at Christmas). It used to be said that the telephone operator would listen in until the tears dried up so that the caller only paid for the time spent in actual conversation with their loved ones. Such is life...

MrGrumpy, those scenarios sound very familiar, yes! I remember when my oldest sister got married, oh must have been 1965, and without a phone at home, she had to go to a phone box to call us, and also arrange for us to call her -- in the same phone box another night at a set time!
Those were the days!

The very reason I bought a trueCall Call Blocker machine. It is bliss
There are different ones on the market but I'm impressed with my one.

They make me kinda paranoid. Once I received one at 1 am.
Anyway, I always answer them. I have a friend that never answers those calls and she is NT.