Researching aspergers has become my new obsession.
It was almost all I did for the first couple weeks after seriously considering I might have an ASD. It's lessened in intensity a Bit since then (I don't put off eating, sleeping and using the restroom to do research so much anymore) but I still spend a significant amount of time each day on AS/autism related research/reading. I'm still undiagnosed, but it might be fair to say that autism has become my "special interest". I spend a heinous amount of time just thinking about it during the day too, which always results in me overanalyzing every minute thing I do. It's actually quite annoying.
Anyway, I've seen some other threads about this too, so it definitely isn't just you.
I also do a fair bit of autism research, mostly checking out social media like blogs, Tumblr, Reddit and this site.
I first got into it because I don't really trust NTs, particularly about autism. I'm constantly on the look-out for information on autistic politics, sexuality and employment. Reading this stuff is also therapeutic, it makes me feel more normal. Eventually me or one of my siblings is going to have an autistic kid, and I think knowing this stuff would be useful in that situation.
I'm doing a minor thesis on autistic issues. Maybe you should consider incorporating autism research into your career.
Thank you for this post! I am recently self diagnosed and it has absolutely become my new obsession (hence my 2am post) I actually feel that its one of the most calming and productive interests I've had. There's so much to be said for self awareness but I am able to relate to other people in a way I've never been able to and I find it so intriguing
I would not call myself obsessed about it. It's not like I have a strong(obsessive) desire to learn about it. But considering it had plagued me all my life, and I've only learned that I had it just 2 years ago. I have become desperate to learn as much about it as I possibly can since my future survival may depend on it.
I like to research with any topic that interests me a lot, and Aspergers is one of many, though it is the one that I spend the most research time on, especially the research on possible biomarkers - though I can see that markers could be a double-edged sword especially under certain political regimes with hidden eugenic intentions.
It is definitely the most intense and productive interest I have ever had. By far. And I am very NT.
Is having a tremendous effect on my awareness and understanding of everything, and on my way to relate to people and to nature.
I have a collection of 70 Kindle ebooks on the spectrum.
Almost every day, I search on Amazon for any new releases under 'Aspergers' or 'autism'.
Afterwards, I head over to pubmed.org searching similarly for related articles, and depending on what format they are in, I sometimes have to convert from PDF -> HTMLZ -> MOBI in other to make it readable on a Kindle device.
It's like this creepy obsession with collecting massive amounts of information about ASDs, but I can't seem to snap out of it.
I've even gotten my DNA exome sequenced and analyzed in hopes of finding any biomarkers underlying the disorder.
Yes.
I began researching it when my son was diagnosed and it has gripped me ever since.
It's spawned subsidiary interests in neurobiology, psychology and molecular biology, particularly the genetics of heritable behavioral characteristics.
It's pushed my lifelong interest in astronomy into second place as it became the main focus of my general interest in science.
I sometimes get very focused interests for 3-5 years and then they wane. So far there's no sign of that with this. Its a very rich and rewarding subject.
I've been obsessing and looping on not just Aspergers but anything that has to do with autism spectrum. And I've had that for 6 months now. And it's been growing quickly as time passes. I wish I could use that though looping obsession with my favorite topic. Surpirsingly and atypically, thanks to my obsession with autism spectrum, I know more about American History, which is not my favorite subject than my REAL favorite subject, which is Marine Zoology and oceanography. I know now I should know as little as possible but only to know what is happening to me, especially now. Ironically, ever since I obsessed in autism spectrum my behavior has gone a lot worse according to my family and my doctors not helped by the OCD I already have before my I satrted to obsess about autism. In fact, the unwanted obsession with autism, teamed up with OCD, gave me knew worries and made my OCD worse. For example, I have OCD over legal gaurdianship over adults with disabilities, which I DO NOT want to be under. Before my obsession, I always wanted to have a cool NT personality no matter if I had autism. Coincidently and ironically obsessing with autism made me more severe in my autistic behaviors.
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RAADS-14 score is 23.
It seems to be the most common reaction among those who lived with the disorder for many years before they discovered why they had always had such difficulty assimilating into NT culture. Its very cathartic to finally have validation that the problem isn't just your own individual personality, but an actual neurological dysfunction that's essentially beyond your control. All those years people kept telling you it was your fault, you were "just shy" and if you'd "just try harder" you could overcome your inner obstacles and you knew they were wrong, but had no way of explaining why.
Suddenly the explanation falls in your lap and it all fits together so perfectly. How can you not become immediately obsessed with knowing absolutely everything there is to know about it? Its like someone has been observing you all your life - someone who gets you - and writing a comprehensive, detailed book profiling you and you just stumbled across it in a drawer. Of course you're going to be compelled to read every page.
I see less of that obsession in those who were diagnosed very early and have grown up knowing about their AS as long as they can remember. Instead of being thrilled to learn more about it, many seem to tend more toward self-pity and despair, hate everything about their disabilities, resent the label, and are convinced they can cure themselves through sheer force of will.
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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks
Its like someone has been observing you all your life - someone who gets you - and writing a comprehensive, detailed book profiling you and you just stumbled across it in a drawer. Of course you're going to be compelled to read every page.
Yes, this is the way of it.
That's a very interesting observation. I can recall how much I did not want to be identified as anything with a label when they first started having me see people and take tests. When I found out, I felt all the things you described: so this is it! Now it all makes sense, etc. But only after first going through a period of total denial. Then I thought: I wish I had known all along.
I wonder now if I wouldn't have just resented the label and might have lost the confidence I had.
I want to make sure the label an idea doesn't have a negative impact on my son. Thanks for pointing this out.
Same usually so i can decide if things that I do/feel are because of my aspergers/adhd or if it's "normal"
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