Just too different

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I have three things at least that make my mind abnormal: Asperger's syndrome, Bipolar disorder and also higher than normal IQ. As a child, I was really abnormal, I would have severe meltdowns everyday that disrupted school and also I had ADHD-like symptoms (I might have childhood bipolar or ADHD) plus I had symptoms typical of AS where I could not socialize properly and obsessive interests. I did well academically yet needed special education support. You know how I felt as a child? Like I really wasn't a human being.

As an adult... I can pass off as kind of normal, at least normal enough my husband sees nothing wrong with me beyond the bipolar that I'm now medicated for. But I just don't feel like or understand other people. I really do feel like I'm some sort of alien on this planet.

Did anyone else out there have severe meltdowns as a child that hurt them so bad? Does anyone else have to deal with having severely immature emotions?

I just wonder where my people are...

After reading that. I thought I was looking in a mirror. I can relate. it's no fun being different. not at all.

I had meltdowns everyday, several timesaver day actually. I was misdiagnosed and I was treated like I was throwing temper tantrums. Instead of letting me do things that would calm me down, I was punished and this of course did not help to stop the meltdown and only made it worse. My problems with anxiety have increased in severity over the years and I think that the way my meltdowns were perceived and treated has had possibly a big affect on it.

I also have a long list of neurological/psychological differences. I have Aspergers, severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder (that I've had since a toddler), ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, intellectually and academically gifted, learning disabilities (slow processing speed, slow reading speed, dyslexia(although I am not formally diagnosed with dyslexia).) I excel academically with accommodations. I did receive special education of sorts in grade school. I just finished my first year of college on a full scholarship in the honors program of one of the top public research institutions in the country, so explaining to people that I am learning disabled generally results in more confusion than understanding. It is a struggle to keep up with my classmates academically and socially.

I have always felt like the black sheep of the flock, the "different one," the odd one out who needs more help from mom and dad, the one who my siblings "took care of" and protected, the one who always tagged along but was never really a part, the one who people didn't include and then sometimes sincerely, sometimes not, "I'm so sorry. I just forgot about you." In high school I was bullied and when I asked classmate "why?" they answered that it was because I was different from everyone else.

If it is any consolation, I know how you feel. I really do. It's hard, all of it.