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Joined: 24 Jun 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 819
Location: Between 2 corn fields

02 Jul 2014, 10:54 am

Does anyone have suggestions for how to be more adaptable to unexpected changes? For example, I live with my boyfriend. He has two kids (part time) that we see every other day or so. Anyway, sometimes they do not come and sometimes they do.. The bf and his ex-wife don't force the kids to come over. Anyway, if it is not our day to have the kids then I do not build up energy that I will need, to have with them. So then, when he brings them over, I become angry/ upset because my plan was to not have them, and so I did not prepare. Now, he thinks that I am just being controlling and hate having them. That's not it. IF I have had time to prepare for them, then I am more than glad to have them over. This (getting them at a moment's notice) has happened multiple times. I do not know how to make him understand that it is not a control thing-- it's an "you change my schedule without my notice" thing.. so he does not stop doing it. The other problem is that his oldest daughter decides whether or not to come over about 10 min before he gets there... so there's no possible way that I could build up energy, with ten minutes notice. Neither the bf or his ex-wife seek to make her decide ahead of time and I cannot get them to start. Any suggestions as to what to do besides get bent out of shape that he unexpectedly brings them over without warning me? BTW, telling me to explain to him that I need forewarning has already been tried and does not work. He/ his ex wife/ the kids are all NT and do not understand the need for adherence to schedules. This is really bothering me. The last time this happened, I had to leave for two hours to go to a friend's house in order to calm down.

--Nyx-- What an astonishing thing a book is. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you... Carl Sagan


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Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,118
Location: Brigham City, Utah

02 Jul 2014, 11:24 am

It seems to me that you have a valid reason to say to your boyfriend that, if his children arrive without adequate notice to you, you will happily involve yourself for as long as you can tolerate do so. Explain that, after that, you might need to excuse yourself from the group and "recharge" alone in your bedroom, bathroom, outside until you feel that you can return. He should understand this reason and agree that excusing yourself for some time out is okay. But, if I were you, I would give him permission to explain this to his children in ways that they would understand, too, and wouldn't dislclose too much of your status.

Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on by private message (PM)