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A woman I talk to in the morning on the playground has just gotten engaged. She handed me an invite to her engagement party this morning and told me "you had better make the effort and turn up, no excuses" she knows I am autistic and that I don't like to go out. She has really upset me and now I feel the pressure to turn up even though the idea fills me with dread. why do some people think they are different and I will drop everything and push all feelings of total dread to one side to go out because it is their party?

I know I wont go in the end but I am still starting to get anxious about it.

She likes you as a friend. Can you tell her parties aren't familiar to you and ask what it will be like?

If you don't talk to her about it you may lose her as a friend. You don't have to go but she is just asking you to recognize and be there with her for this.

The frustrating thing is that she is one of the few people who knows why I don't go out.

It isn't that parties are unfamiliar it is just that I don't like the sheer volume of people . I don't even go to family parties so it isn't even about not knowing the people there it is just that there are people there.

We have spoken about my not going out and the reasons behind it a few times. She is one of the very few people I do talk to and I really thought she understood exactly where I was coming from. My bad

I assumed you were both there with children. Are you there to use the playground yourself?

Simplegirlviv my reaction would be exactly the same as yours, I hate these social gatherings. Will she allow you to bring a guest? I don't think I could bring myself to go without a guest because I'd be worried about not knowing anyone and being left alone looking like a wallflower. When I have to go to social events such as this I generally have a few drinks to loosen up otherwise I cannot talk to anyone. I highly recommend this

Is there any chance this party will be tolerable? It's disappointing to trust someone and think they have listened and cared---and turns out they either did not listen, do not understand, or do not care.

It always feels like they do not care, but I think the reality is that many people can only understand if they've been there.

Sometimes people will let shy or anxious guests help out. Or have a quiet area they show pictures. And the size of the space relative to number of people makes a difference.

If you can't go and she's your friend, you could offer to celebrate separately. I go if I'm invited to something, but I'm rarely invited back. So for me, I'd go. But knowing it would probably be the last time.

I think that it is a little ridiculous that she is pressuring you in to going. Could you tell her that you already have plans? Or if you truly feel that you must go, could you only go for a little while and then leave early? That way you have still gone and you friend can't be mad at you for not showing up. I really empathize with you. However, in the end it will have to be your decision. Your "friend" cannot force you to go (and it stresses me out right now to even think about how she spoke to you "You had better make the effort and turn up." etc. If someone had spoken to me like that, I would have told them a) that I did not appreciate being spoke to that way and b) that I would attend if I did not have other plans and c) if I was feeling up to it.) Bottom line, it's up to you whether or not you want to go. If she does not understand, then explain to her that going to parties is too much.