Do you feel like your family loves you?

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I know my family cares about me...they love me in the sense of feeling a duty or responsibility towards me, they don't to see anything bad happen to me.

But I don't feel like they love me in the sense of having any real affection for me, wanting to know who I am inside, how I feel, etc.

I kind of feel the same way.

dont know what 'love' means other than the use of it meaning 'to like something a lot', so am not sure how am treated in that way but am very cared for by family now,theyre people am proud to call family though woudnt have said that up until a few years ago.

As far as my children or my brother I can honestly say NO. My mother is a bit of a different story, she loves me in her own way but shows it differently then most. All I can figure why no one else does is because of how I am. I am the typical black/white in my thinking. I also don't idle chit chat or anything of the sort. I don't call someone unless have reason to, definitely NOT for idle chit chat. I find that kind of blather to be rather a waste of time and have better things to do. However it doesn't mean I don't have feelings for others. But I must come across as aloof or something. Interpersonal relationships have always been a big challenge for me.

Same for me; but, I suspect that they do. At least, they sometimes say so. But, when I ask them whether they agree with me about my ethics, morals and choices in my life (my own measure of myself), they resort to reciting my faults and mistakes in ways that make me believe that they are only somewhat joking; as if they are saying that, they so disagree with me, how could they be expected to love me? They use my special interests (genealogy, history, politics and law) to their advantage when they need advice as if I was the family plumber that everyone relies on, but never thanks or commends.

Then again, maybe I have a the wrong idea of familial love.

I have been wondering this for a while...

If they do, it is/was never said to me. Words like 'love' are taboo like swearing.

Yet I see my sister-in-law- freely use the word with her children at least 100 times a day and hug them and everything...in stark contrast to how I was raised and continue to be treated.

My brother always got the 'better end of it' anyway, being the youngest....being male....being normal.

All of my life....whenever I whined about this to my parents; 'why do you love my brother and you do not love me?".

I was told this 'we gave your brother all the fish....we gave you the fishing line....so go out and catch your own fish" and that was said to me over....and over....and over....and over....et cetera.....et cetera.

It was said again to me only just recently and do you know what I said? "show me where you get all your fish from, because they are not biting where ever I go and cast my rod into the waters....and I have cast my rod into many, many waters....but maybe you gave me a faulty f***ing rod!"

They were silent and dumbfounded.

My family despise me, but they feel they have a 'duty' to love me and the air is so thick with vehemence you could cut it with a knife. I have often been told I was 'unplanned' and a 'mistake' anyway.

As for my daughter? I am trying to understand what love is, but I can't. I want to, but I can't...and now you can all understand why.

How can I even know what love IS, if I cannot feel it? How can I tell if my family loves me if I am unable to reciprocate it?

....and therein lies the rub.

Last edited by SoMissunderstood on 03 Jul 2014, 9:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^This!^ I was totally unplanned and unexpected. Mother was scheduled for hysterectomy due to female problems. I was the female problems. Another doctor intervened before the surgery took place. Otherwise I'd not be here today. Not sure whether I should thank or curse the doctor...

I think my wife and son are on the spectrum, which leads to a pretty unique level of mutual care, appreciation, and understanding. It's what I understand as love.

My son is absorbed with his interests, and does not openly show love the way other children typically would. But I know he loves me because of the way he talks to me about his interests, and I make sure I listen.

The other day I visited a colleague, and it was interesting to observe his daughter, who is the same age as my son, but behaves very differently.

Beyond this little microcosm, the extended family including my parents live on a different planet. Of course my 82 year old mother loves me in her way, but she has little clue of how I think and what really matters to me. My brother recently visited us. He has to tolerate our behaviour in our own home, but he admitted that he can't cope with it for more than a couple of days. He commented "somehow our relationship is better he further apart we are". I do like to talk to him on the phone once every few months.

I think my wife and son are on the spectrum, which leads to a pretty unique level of mutual care, appreciation, and understanding. It's what I understand as love.

My son is absorbed with his interests, and does not openly show love the way other children typically would. But I know he loves me because of the way he talks to me about his interests, and I make sure I listen.

The other day I visited a colleague, and it was interesting to observe his daughter, who is the same age as my son, but behaves very differently.

Beyond this little microcosm, the extended family including my parents live on a different planet. Of course my 82 year old mother loves me in her way, but she has little clue of how I think and what really matters to me. My brother recently visited us. He has to tolerate our behaviour in our own home, but he admitted that he can't cope with it for more than a couple of days. He commented "somehow our relationship is better he further apart we are". I do like to talk to him on the phone once every few months.

Exactly!

We are the same age and have similar experiences.

My mother never accepted my diagnosis of Autism...I mean, how could she not be happy that there was something explaining my 'naughty behaviour' that she always thought she could somehow 'fix' through a strict moral and ethical code and standards of 'socially acceptable behaviour'....she will carry this to her grave.

If I do something wrong, she'll scowl and snap at me for days, instead of coming right out with it and discussing the problem like a mature adult.

If I ask her; 'have I said or done anything recently that has upset you, mother?' She'll say 'I'm FINE!' *scowl more (yeah, in a pig's eye, she is 'fine').

My mother's 'body language' is the only one I ever learned to 'read' and I became an expert on it...

"okay mum...i'll just give you your space there until you are ready and willing to discuss it, because I can't stand being in your presence right now...no disrespect, of course..."

...and on it goes like this.

As for my brother, SPOT ON! - he loves me 'at a distance' and calls me his 'little jar of vegemite' i.e delicious in small doses but intolerable at larger ones. I am welcome at his place ANY time, but as soon as I arrive, it's like; 'and when did you say you were leaving again? but please visit us again soon'....I'm like 'did I come at a bad time?' and it's like 'no...no...you're welcome here...'

Heh...any time is a 'bad time' in other words. LOL

My daughter gets really frustrated and annoyed with me for me taking so much time to complete simple tasks (bless her soul). lol

I'm like 'dear...save it! I have enough impatience and frustration here for BOTH of us'

Then she rolls her eyes and snatches it out of my hands with a 'give it here!' and I really hate that...

...but yeah, my family as above.

I think the only person who is interested in wanting to know who I am inside and how I feel is my therapist. And only because she gets paid to do that.

My family. Um. I doubt it.

Same for me, except with my psychic rather than a therapist. And yeah because she is paid to do that. I do feel that she genuinely cares for me, because she's a very compassionate person. But I'm sure she cares for all her clients the same way. It's not the same as having a personal connection with someone.

Yeah. I've had a feeling of shock when I see other families, or just other people in general, being like that, being very affectionate, hugging, saying I love you.

Hey I was an accident too! ON top of that, my mother miscarried my twin and so she thought the problem was gone. THey later found out I was still there.

A year or so before my birth, my parents had a baby boy who died of SIDS.

They were advised that the best way to get over it, was to have another child ASAP and I was conceived not long thereafter, so I was really 'planned'.

I was also a 'replacement' that was nowhere near the perfect little baby boy that died...

Oh...

My brother just walked in (I have been staying here for a week because I had nowhere else to go) with a bold and blatant 'my family needs our lives back, so f*** off now and DON'T ever come back!' so there we go...and I did nothing to deserve it except for the mere fact that I have just worn out my welcome permanently.

So no, my family hate my guts in every respect.

...and no, I am not upset or angry at all (like they forever think that I am and hence my user-name on here), but as I discovered today, they are just not prepared to listen to 'my side of the story' at all.

As it boils down, it was the first time their kids ever saw me stimming and it freaked them out...jeez why not educate kids much? but nope... 'out of sight and out of mind' is the best way, of course.

I am not upset or angry at all, because I'm only here to babysit the kids while they go to work.

I was only here to 'housesit' the property while they were overseas...

I was only here to cook, clean and do all the laundry and household chores because they were just too busy to do so themselves...

So I will gladly depart here and wait for the very next time they ask me to do them a favour, knowing full well that I wouldn't even have the hide to do so after what was said to me today...

Then, I get to play the final card with 'I thought you didn't NEED me anymore, so get someone else'.

Rekt.