05 Jul 2014, 12:44 am
Earlier tonight, I posted a status on Facebook about an occurrence that happened back 28 years ago during the Fourth of July fireworks event.
As I posted it on Facebook:
"28 years ago today, my parents took me to experience the fireworks display for the very first time. The night...did not go well. Being Autistic, the auditory sensitivity kicked in, I though the fireworks were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too loud, and started screaming and crying, and covering my ears. My Dad had to take me to the car, and leave the window open so I wouldn't overheat, with the reflection of the fireworks on the nearby trees to keep me "entertained", while he went back to watch the fireworks with my Mom....who was not very happy about what had gone down. Even though we didn't know then what we know now....if anyone happened to be at that event that day, 28 years ago, I want you to accept my apology for potentially ruining your evening; I assure you it was not my intention whatsoever. Hopefully since then you've been having wonderful annual fireworks experiences, and I hope they've been beyond incredible"
Well, not only did many people like my status--including former classmates--but one of my former classmates even commented on it quite thoroughly, and started waxing nostalgically about our childhood.
Now, this is important...because a certain event happened with this former classmate, and it was sort of a "wrong" that I felt it was time to "right".
See, in 6th grade, my family started pressuring me to date gals within the faith. She was the only one I knew as such, so I sent her a letter "professing my love" for her. She responded that it was incredibly awkward, and wasn't into me. But I just went on my merry way, regardless. And btw, I put "professing my love" in there because....I actually wasn't into her at all. I adored her as a friend, and it really went no further than that.
So a few hours ago, in private message on FB, I confessed this to her. It was bothering me since we kept talking about the old days, and I figured at some point she might think about it, and be a bit creeped out.
It turned out she gave me a bit "virtual hug", and confessed to me that at the time, I lot of things were going on in her life regardless; so despite lack of interest in me, there was a lot of stuff on her mind she was dealing with as well, and that just added to it really.
I bring this up because essentially it's one of those cases where we're always told in 6th grade about changes that go on in kids' lives, but until we hear it straight from the horse's mouth, we never actually believe it happens to anyone except for us.
Then she dropped the bombshell on me:
I asked her about her former best friend. I found out she actually couldn't stand the person, but was friends with her, apparently to "be cool", and because she was being used by this girl because of the guy that my friend lived across the street from (the guy btw--a former classmate-- died a few years ago from a drug overdose). To top it off she was told to "look for the best in people" (sound familiar?)
I bring this up because....a lot of things about my past experiences are now beginning to look a lot different.
I'm becoming under the impression that a lot more people wanted to be friends with me during my childhood than I'd truly believed, but so many declined out of fear of being socially ostracized by others, and due to pressure from their families.
Bear in mind I grew up in a very affluent part of NJ, so that probably didn't help for a lot of people.
At the same time, I'm now seeing that they had a lot of insecurities they had to deal with as well, but on top of that.....look at the borderline misery they go thru in dealing with socially. I don' know....it just....really doesn't look all that appealing to me.
It's like they see socializing as a "necessary evil", as opposed to something they really want to do; like...they don't think much of most other people, either.
I even have this former classmate on FB who adds me pretty much on every social networking site we're both on. She's physically appealing to me, but I'm not fond of her personality. Nonetheless, every time I compliment her or comment on one of her photos on FB, she declines to answer. I think...she's still desperate for the social approval, even though when I worked at the grocery store, she had no problems chatting with me. I kinda feel bad for her, too.
And you know what? I think that's a benefit to being us: we can't socialize, so we don't have to go thru all the insane flaming social hoops that our "NT" brethren feel like they have to.
Seriously...this entire experience has made me look at so much of my childhood differently now, and in a much better way.
Oh, and for the record: after my recent chat with my classmate, she wants to re-connect again more closely 
