Being abrasive

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I would like to filter being abrasive from my responses socially/reduce it's frequency in my interactions.
Even when I write responses, ie take time to edit, I read my words later (after I've upset someone) and then realise how it was hurtful for the recipient. I appreciate any advice.

As a formerly paid writer, I learned often the well-known rule that a writer must write freely at night ... and, then ... must edit intently the next morning BEFORE hitting the Send key. Hehe. Waiting until morning to re-read, edit and send a message is always important. It has (most of the time) saved me from humiliation.

Waiting until the next day makes sense, especially if it is an important written conversation, thank you. What do you do for face to face communication? When there isn't time to reflect first, and it's not appropriate to stay quiet.

It isn't the best answer, but I would ask for some time to consider what the other person has said and what I would like to say in reply. If the other person knows about your past comments which might have been too aggressive, he or she would probably appreciate your consideration. If pressed for an immediate reply, I would be honest but brief.

The delay works well in written communication and can be applied in some verbal communication. However, in more real time verbal communication the option of a delay may not work as well.

You might want to consider "softening" your words. The use of qualifiers such as "sometimes", "often", "may", and "might" can be used so that it is less a "slap in the face" verbally.

The use of suggestions such as "you might want to consider" can have less of a verbal sting than "you should".

Questions also work well to draw the other person into a participative or dialog mode. However, you want to avoid what might be considered an interrogation mode.

You also may want to consider shortening what is said. There is a joke about someone that goes, "When you ask him what time it is, he tells you how to build a watch". You don't want to have that sort of reputation. Aspies sometimes think that it is beneficial to transmit the entire mental file they have on a subject when they do not appreciate the discomfort this can cause some others.

Say something brief, 'the less said, the better'. I wish I had done that yesterday. I've hurt someone and I regret it today.

Softening my words, I think practising this would be beneficial. Questioning would also help reduce my talent for putting the 'ass' in assume I'm usually only verbose if i feel strongly about my perspective, as i did yesterday, that didn't make it right though. Thank you timf for your examples, they help.

Try to come up with alternative motivations for the other's behaviour/comment. You may be missing context.
Also don't get caught up too much in any one topic. Be prepared to go to another subject before you've said everything in your mind. You can always revisit the topic later.

Yes, I did miss the context, what seemed petty to me was incredibly significant to the person I hurt. Changing the subject could buy me the time needed to consider my words, thank you Ann2011

I have a 3 second rule I use from time to time. It works wonders for me, especially when I am having difficulties in conversing with others.

What I do is count to three before opening my mouth to reply. That short period of time gives my brain the chance to pause and consider "do I really want to say that?" and also gives my brain the chance to reformat what is about to come out of my mouth so that it better "fits" with the expectations of society in terms of how things are better said.

Interestingly enough, the three second delay doesn't seem to cause any issues in terms of lag time as perceived by others as best I can tell. No one has pointed it out to me as being annoying.

Ah yes the three second rule, thank you for the reminder eggheadjr.
Its is funny to me when I consider how obvious the suggestions here are, yet I still needed to ask

I need a 3 hour rule.

I wanted to mention the importance of body language when wanting to come across as friendly.

I can speak very diplomatically to people, but have recently learned that my body language is sometimes 'intense.' Even today, I caught myself asking for something politely, but I was standing in an aggressive posture and locking eye contact (again, aggressive).

I try to remember to match the persons body language when asking for something. If they are relaxed, I try to look that way. If they are formal, I try to appear formal. And I try to appear nonchalant, as if what I am asking for or saying is not something I will get mad about.

This may not be an issue for you, but I wanted to mention it, as reading / displaying body language is a common AS problem.