This very often happens when I try to socialise with people.

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I'm working on a project in a research lab at my university this summer (and I'll be working there next summer as well). The group that I'm working in (which is part of a larger group at the lab) consists of 7 people, myself included, and this evening we had a small social gathering/event after work. We went to a restaurant/bar and had a drink and some food. Even though I quite like the people in my group (they're really nice and they all seem like genuinely nice people), I was really anxious about the whole thing. I've only been at the lab for three weeks and I don't really know the people in my group (I've only spoken to them about the project and different methods we're using in the lab). I'm really uncomfortable in that kind of situation but I thought I'd give it a go anyway because I didn't want to seem rude and I sort of wanted to try to connect with them since I'll be coming back next summer. Just before leaving the lab to go to the bar, I was so anxious I felt nauseous and a bit shaky. I was tired and I just wanted to go home and be by myself.

Anyway, the anxiety sort of went away when we cycled to the bar and one person started talking to me about university and what I'm studying etc, so I wasn't that anxious when we actually sat down at the table (except for when I had to order my drink, that was tough). However, even though I wasn't that anxious when I got to the bar, I had a really tough time during the whole event. What happened during the evening we spent together pretty much always happens when I try to socialise with people (unless I know the people very well. But I find it very difficult even if I know them very well and it's a group setting) and it makes me frustrated.

I was very quiet. I'm an observer. I observed the others and tried to listen to the conversation they were having. I couldn't relate to most of the things they were saying and I didn't find a lot of what they talked about that interesting. I've noticed that I pretty much only speak about things I either find very interesting or things I know a lot about (mainly books, studies and science). I said a few things during the social event but they were all about science and research. The rest of the time (which was the majority of the time) I felt really stupid because I was so quiet (people have complained about that before) and I was also really self-conscious about my facial expression. The things is my neutral facial expression often makes people think I'm sad, angry or very pensive ("why are you sad?" is a question people have asked me in the past even though I wasn't necessarily upset at the time). I'm often pensive and I'm often depressed but my neutral facial expression doesn't help in those situations. I had to force myself to smile, which I forgot to do after a while. That's when I got anxious again and now I think that the people in my group think I'm weird. I guess it's ok if they think I'm weird but I'd like to at least make a good impression on my supervisors (they were there too). I'm worried they think I'm weird and boring.

Besides worrying about that, I also felt lonely. I tend to feel lonely when I'm in a group of people because I feel like I don't really get people and they don't really get me. Perhaps I'm just imagining that but yeah, I don't know. It's tough. Social situations are difficult and I don't really know how to act or what to say (unless I'm really interested in the topic of conversation). Being social doesn't come naturally to me, even when I'm not anxious. I have to force things a lot. I have to force myself to smile, to nod in agreement, to look people in the eyes, to talk etc. I don't know why things are this way.

I'm rambling. Anyway, is this something you experience as well?

Yes I think that happens with all people with ASD, but why is that a bad thing? Boring people are the hardest workers so maybe its good your colleagues see you this way. If they don't know you're on the spectrum could they just think you're dedicated to you're lab work and don't want to speak about other things?

I'm a very hard worker and I'm ambitious (though I've been feeling kind of stupid these past few weeks in the lab since everything's new and I keep asking questions) but I don't want to be seen as boring. Most of the time it doesn't bother me if people think I'm boring or weird (what bothers me is the loneliness I feel in social situations) but sometimes, today for example, in certain groups of people, it does bother me.

Yes to pretty much all that including the face.

Sometimes (often) it's better to be silent than speak in a jarring way.

I find it harder and harder to listen to conversations at those things. I have to focus on one person, or I just don't follow anything.

Yeah, that pretty much describes me.

I have a work lunch/happy hour I go to, and a lot of what you talk about happens to me.

Luckily, my boss knows I'm a hard worker, so if he thinks I'm weird, its OK. Tech people are always a little weird anyway, it seems.

If someone comments I look sad or mad, I just say, 'Oh, I'm thinking about ...' and say something work related.

I feel like that too sometimes. It is very easy to sort of fade away and be silent in a group like the one you were in. A group of 7 is quite large so just taking in what everyone is saying is an effort, so one ends up being an observer and not saying anything. For me groups of 3 or 4 is much easier.

Then the people you were with are people you haven't known for long and like to make a good impression on. So it is easy to understand that you could have been even more nervous, making the situation even more difficult for you.

A "trick" to make conversion in a situation like that, where you don't know anything about the topics, can be to just ask about someones opinion on what they are talking about, or be interested in a person and ask things about him or her. People generally like if someone shows interest in them. ( You could be totally boring, but just ask about how someone came to work there and ask about her cat, they'll talk for a bit, and they'll leave with the impression that you are really nice, even if you barely said anything. )

You just described how almost every social contact i have with people that i don't know too much is.
You're not alone.

This sounds very familiar. I was recently at a family event and experienced the same exact thing, albeit without any anxiety. I mainly sat there and listened. However, for me, I made no attempt to modify my facial expressions (e.g. force myself to smile), body language (e.g. nod) or look people in the eye.

I wonder if what you described above is common for NT introverts as well.

Every social interaction I have everyday. That's why I like to be alone. It's the only time I can be me.