Do people like you LESS than you think they do?

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existentialterror
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10 Jul 2014, 8:47 pm

As a woman with Asperger Syndrome, my expectations that people will like me are very low... There are rare occasions however, when I think they may like me just a little. ...

For example, I expect that someone will call when they say they will. Usually they don't.

Or I "expect" that they will want to hang out and not just text. (I know another lady about 2x my age whom I thought had an interest in befriending me - it turned out she just wanted a textual friendship... However, the texting didn't work out. She stopped texting me back. Thus, my expectations greatly EXCEEDED the outcome :( )



MjrMajorMajor
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10 Jul 2014, 9:00 pm

I am clueless either way. I have a feeling one person is upset with me for not initiating, but I can never tell when it's welcome...



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10 Jul 2014, 9:02 pm

Going by past experience, it comes down to the tribe thing again: looking back, I can see clearly that NTs liked me less than I thought; often very much less. However in my social anxiety group, and whenever I am with other ASD people, they seem to like me as much as I think, and sometimes more than I think. Some NTs in the past just hated me from the outset, barely past the first hello. I have never experienced this with an ASD person (so far).

I have received tremendous personal validation from my social anxiety group. This has helped me rebuild my previously shattered social confidence.

In the past few months, since I have been increasing GABA neurotransmitter levels in my brain, NTs seem to be more accepting of me, perhaps because I am happier, look happier, and can tolerate their small talk quite a lot longer than ever before, before I want to scream!!



AspieUtah
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10 Jul 2014, 9:11 pm

Yes. I have had friends, coworkers and associates who I had believed liked me in certain ways more than they later admitted that they did.

For the last 15 years or so, I have decidedly stopped presuming whether others like me at all. It is on my radar, of course, but I don't act on it because I have been wrong so many times before. Besides, if anyone ends up liking me more than I presume they do, it would be an even better surprise, right?


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vickygleitz
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10 Jul 2014, 9:18 pm

People like me less than I thought. MUCH less. I had a breakdown when I discovered this.



seaturtleisland
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10 Jul 2014, 9:36 pm

I'm so insecure that it's confusing. Most of the time it's very hard for anyone to like me less than I think they do because I assume they just don't like me at all. Then I'll be trying to start a friendship and I'm always doing the initiating so I assume the other person just isn't interested. If they don't text me fairly often with details of things going on in there lives I assume I'm not on they're radar. If I'm not invited to something that's a pretty big clue I'm not in the person's friend circle.

It turns out I don't quite understand how friendships work though. I recently found out someone I thought didn't care about me has been talking well about me to other people. I don't get why they would say nice things about me to other people when I'm not around and only ever say kind things to me when we happen to be in the same room. That makes it even more confusing.

I was told that I'm expecting to be seeing people very often during friendships whereas most friendships form from long-term consistent contact even if it's infrequent. I don't know if it's true but it shows that my expectations about how friendships are supposed to work may be different from other people's expectations. The miscommunication could also be a reason I always think people aren't interested in being friends. Maybe I'm right fairly often and they aren't interested but it only gets more complicated when you consider the possibility of someone having different expectations and ideas about what friendship is than I do.

I also get thrown off by fake kindness. It's not that I buy it 100% without question I'm just always wondering if it's real or not. Sometimes I'll fluctuate between thinking something is real with someone which makes me very happy and thinking it's fake which makes me feel rejected.



one-A-N
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10 Jul 2014, 11:10 pm

I don't know what people think of me - so ... the question does not have much meaning for me.

How would I know they like me less? How do I even "think they like me" in the first place? Well, I guess a few people during my life have expressed particular dislike, but if they don't state their opinions obviously, then I cannot tell.

Basically, I divide people up into people I like and people I don't like. And I avoid the latter. As long as the people I like don't avoid me I am happy. I have no idea what their feelings are. I just know I like them and they haven't run away from me.

I don't read emotions - either mine or other people's - very well.



Toy_Soldier
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10 Jul 2014, 11:14 pm

Sometimes yes. Especially on the internet. Its easy for me to misread things. I don't have that problem so much IRL when the body language and other clues are easier to read and understand.



Kiprobalhato
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10 Jul 2014, 11:56 pm

people in general, not sure. i don't even want to know, and i can't really tell anyway.
i do know that i often put more effort in a relationship than the other person does. i tend to have high expectations of people by default and i get a bit let down when someone doesn't reciprocate, as in, when i am expecting to meet up with someone and they cancel, etc.
i've been trying to lower my expectations because of that.

but, i've had someone tell me about how she heard some people we both knew talk s*** about me, how i'm "so annoying".
but i think she agreed with them.


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11 Jul 2014, 12:06 am

I definately like most people less than they like me. It's a supply thing. They're my friend because they want. Love thy neighbor. I like that one for now. A couple good friends is all you need.



auntblabby
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11 Jul 2014, 12:32 am

decades of trying to just be invisible. I set my expectations very low in the hopes of being pleasantly surprised.



babybird
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11 Jul 2014, 2:08 am

A mutual tolerance is good enough for me.

I'm quite hard to get to know in real life, I'm a bit defensive and I'm a closed book.

I don't expect people to like me, so it's always a bonus when some people do manage to break down some of the barriers.

I haven't really got an answer for your question, even though I'm trying hard to find one. Sorry.


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Andrejake
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11 Jul 2014, 6:24 am

I'd love to know this answer!



bumble
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11 Jul 2014, 6:55 am

Very few people like me, but then I like very few people in return so it's mutual.



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11 Jul 2014, 7:02 am

I'm pretty sure the majority of people I've been around don't like me all that much.

But that's cool, because I know I'm not saying things people want to hear.



franknfurter
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11 Jul 2014, 8:24 am

I have never had that problem, people seem to like me more than I think they do, I have no idea why they want to see me, as I have no interest in really meeting them, I like them a lot but seeing people is not something I find fun most of the time.