Anywhere but here. Anything but this.

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I would like to apologize in advance for my rambling questions... I'm just hoping to get some feedback from other aspies instead of asking NT's and "professionals" who always seem to give me advice that ends up with more lonelyness and depression.

Another monday... another day of grief, depression, and bitterness.

I feel like I would rather be anywhere but here and do anything but this. I've been feeling this way for over 3 years but have not had the guts to change.

here, being a tiny basement apartment in one of New Jersey's worst neighborhoods, and this being management and construction work I do.

If a friend or acquaintance offered me a place to stay right now, I would quit my job and move. I don't care if it's halfway across the country...

I don't want to be here... I don't want to do this work.. I NEVER wanted to do this type of work... Somehow this is where I ended up at 32 years old... low wages.. pack-a-day smoking habit, no friends... no love in my life... and I am running out of patience and energy

One option is to take the $500 i've saved, pack up my 15 y/o minivan with everything I own (yup, it'll fit) and start driving west somewhere rural... maybe PA... or maybe down south or out west.. somewhere cheap and quiet and less stressful.

I expect some of you will tell me to seek therapy and take some antidepressants and stick with it... I've been there and done that.. over 6 years.. It made things slightly more bearable but it also did NOTHING for me in the long run.. it just made me a "good robot employee" for the company I slave for.

Should I take the risk? Should I quit my job, leave my basement apartment (that I get for free as part of the job), and start life somewhere new? The weather will allow for me to sleep and live out of my van for a couple months if absolutely necessary.

Will I find a job fast enough to keep paying my car insurance, gasoline, and food to eat? Will I be able to find a place to rent for cheap? maybe a roommate share somewhere? Will I be able to be happy and relax?

I'm at a crossroad right now... I don't know which way to go... If I stay here there will be more pain, depression, hopelessness, and bitterness at the 10 hour workdays 6-days a week and extremely low pay? If I go, will there be something better waiting for me?

Has anyone else done this before? What was your experience?

500 bucks savings won't cut it.

If you get about $10,000, that would be better.

I understand you feel stymied. I'm in NYC--Queens--what part of Jersey do you live?

If it's Bayonne, Cliffside Park, places like that--I don't find it bad in those places. A bad part of Newark or Camden is what I would find bad.

I wouldn't do it. In a better economy I might say go for it. But as things are, it's not that easy to find a job. And it's typically even harder to find a job in a rural area. You need to have a lot more money saved before you quit your job.

Don't look at it as not having the guts to change...it takes courage to go on living with circumstances that don't make you happy.

I didn't vote because it's not just one or the others. You can stay in the area, seek different employment and seek cognitive behavioural therapy, that would cover elements of all 3 options. Or you could strike out and hit the road, maybe do some physical labour that other Americans won't do so you can save some money (I myself found fruit picking and related work here in Australia rewarding). As for having no love in your life I know what you mean but at least you have WP to help you out at times. We're not going anywhere.

I agree with dianthus. You should probably confirm new work before you leave current employment.

you're asking this of people who are more opposed to change and risk than the average NT person so you're going to get that bias in answers. But the question isnt whether you have enough money to quit and go live in your van, that can be done on a shoestring (I lived on a bus for 10yrs), its whether you have the skills to survive and thrive with unpredictability and more risk and danger than in your current situation. Do you have the social confidence to pick up manual work along your way for example?

I definitely dont think you should either stay put indefinitely, or seek therapy to make you more accepting of a situation that doesnt suit you. But theres no point jumping from one hard to survive set up into another so think through your options to find the way out that gives you the best chance of the satisfaction you seek.

Cops target people who live in vans/cars these days. I wouldn't do it.

If you had an RV, that might be a different story--about $15 a night in some of those "Kamping" places isn't bad.

I'm in the clinton hill section of newark... it's not the worst part of newark but it's up there. I've been robbed at gunpoint twice and was viciously beaten once (several strong kicks to the side of the head until I was bleeding)... As a building superintendent in Newark this is sadly pretty common/routine. It's not all bad... the dysfunction and failed lives all around me make me feel like there are worst things out there than aspergers... It sort of makes me feel useful and trustworthy... the guy who's job I replaced had a serious drug problem and a history of inappropriate relations with residents.. I don't do any of those things. I respect residents wether they respect me back or not. I'm an aspie and I know I have unusual behaviors and mannerisms but I guess compared to the rest of this city I come off as pretty damn normal and having it "together".. I don't know how easy it would be to find superintendent work in better neighborhoods but i'm ready to improve myself and try.

The bad is much worse than one can imagine.. it's not just the high crime and the fact that i can't walk alone at night if i wanted to... it's the fact that I constantly have to watch my back as i'm a minority in this city (jewish) and people here seem to enjoy screwing eachother over in many different ways (thefts, fraud, false accusations and lawsuits, gang-up mentalities, etc)., especially when it comes to someone they consider an "outsider".. I grew up in little neck.

I ended up here because this was the first job i applied to that accepted me. I worked my way up from a maintenance-man to a superintendent (large building, 68 units) and I felt attached to this building for a while.

I see what you mean, Jacob. I'm also Jewish (if that's relevant LOL)

You're in a bit of bind; I would feel the same way. What you said make sense.

Being a building superintendent, it's hard to save money, because I believe they give you an apartment and some extra money.

Even in the worst areas, most of the people are decent; it's the idiots who give it its bad name, plus the apathy (and corruption, perhaps) of the cops.

I don't think I would just up and leave in your van, though. You KNOW the cops will target you.

You only have 500 bucks--not enough! You have to save more.

If you could save a few thousand, maybe you could get handyman jobs in places like rural PA, then camp for the night at those Kamping places for (it was $15 a night a few years ago). I would try to find someone who's experienced this.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through--it's hard.

I thought about that too. Nobody gets harrassed more than single men driving in a van or camping alone... I found some websites that share free places to park overnight and I figured if I spent maybe 3 or 4 days a week parking my van at a cheap camping site with simple hookup/bathroom/shower I could keep myself relatively clean and employable without spending more than maybe $60 a week.

Overnight parking in public places that aren't made for camping will no doubt attract some harrassment from cops and possibly locals... I'm expecting this. Some cops give out bogus tickets and summonses for little-known no-overnight-parking ordinances and loitering or whatever else you can imagine and if the tickets start building up this will be a real problem... and trying to explain my plans to a cop is not going to be easy with aspergers... but with some work and research i'm hoping to find some good quiet areas where i won't be bothered.

Cheap camping site with shower--not a bad idea, except for the winter, especially in rural PA, where below zero at night is not abnormal.

If you pile up tickets, you'll have to pay the tickets, thereby cutting into what you earn. You don't want to pile up tickets--you'll get a warrant, and it might be on your record, might not--but I wouldn't chance it. Sometimes, they take people in (arrest you) for traffic warrants. Forget about your handyman job, then.

Most cops, unfortunately, will think you're a vagrant should you park in places like Walmart or whatever. The rent-a-cops at Walmart probably would harass you, too.

I'd really think this over. And do research, like you said.

I don't think you will have a hard time finding work wherever you go. You sound like you're handy and handy people can get jobs. Make sure you get reference letters beofore you go. And choose your destination carefully. Do you have family or friends living in a place you think you may enjoy living in?

I didn't reply to the poll because my answer doesn't fit any of the options.

Give yourself permission to look forward to leaving when you meet a certain goal. Perhaps a financial backstop figure. $1,000, $10,000, whatever is possible, it doesn't matter. Pick a figure which is far enough away to give you time to think and plan, but big enough to keep you safe if you do leave. Have that secret thought that you will leave help keep you motivated on the rough days. Whenever you feel stressed, think about your plans and how every week adds to your savings and brings you that bit closer to being able to leave in a safe way and start again somewhere you can feel more comfortable and safe. Keep a notebook if it helps, or make lists on your phone or computer. Keep a picture with you or something that helps you to remember why you're hanging in there for a bit longer.

You know you need to change, that's good! It gives you a goal. Now work towards it in a way that helps you get out without endangering yourself.

Talk to us - Keep this thread going and let us know when you're stressed or how you're going with saving and planning etc. It might help you to feel more positive about staying a little longer if you can see it as part of a process of getting ready to leave safely that people support you in.

Yep...I'd second Chameleon, especially as to you using WrongPlanet as a medium by which you could communicate with empathetic people.

Google the Toyota 22re Dolphin RV. Nothing tougher exists.

You can also run old Ford 6.9/7.3 litre turbodiesel ambulances on ~$1.50/gallon farm diesel or waste vegetable oil.