Beware Greeks bearing gifts...

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I am an ungrateful, nasty person that doesn't appreciate when people buy him stuff.

Does anyone else get massively stressed out with gifts? Yesterday I found a cheque from my mum from 2017, my 42nd birthday present, under the sofa. This morning I'm giving the bonsai I was given for Christmas what looks like it's last watering before it joins the hydrangea I've just had to throw away. There's a box under my desk with unopened presents, some of them over a decade old, that I occasionally try to work through until the waves of guilt make me feel like throwing up.

It seems simple, eh? Throw some water on the plants, cash a cheque, open a present, wear a shirt that isn't quite my style, what's so difficult? Yeah, make me responsible for a living being that won't communicate with me, and that dies if you don't water it, dies if you water it too much... and will eventually die anyway, leaving me wondering what I did wrong this time. Then I have to go find a replacement plant, because I feel massively guilty that I killed something and can't let the person who gifted it know. I'm currently avoiding a friend because I can't find a like-for-like replacement, despite going to a different shop every day and having to look for a particular green thing with a Latin name amongst all the other apparently different green things with Latin names, because my friend knows the difference.

I'm not a hoarder, I don't like clutter and have no sentimentality towards anything I have bought myself so "clearing out" is a regular (and cathartic) exercise for me, but I can't do the same thing with gifts. I know their value, I often would never buy such a thing myself, but the simple fact that they were a gift from another person means they have an "unknown" value and thus cannot be disposed without feeling awful about it.

I've tried to tell people not to buy me stuff, suggesting charities and even setting up GoFundMe and JustGiving pages to try to avoid adding to the "box of shame". I've repeatedly said how I don't like fashion, because I need time to get used to the changes, and often find myself "fashionable" merely because I'm still wearing stuff the next time it becomes popular. I have two wardrobes full of new clothes, but I live out of my laundry basket, making lists to try to avoid wearing the same thing on the same day.. because NTs notice these things, and I only notice if someone is wearing something aquamarine (which I love) or yellow (which I hate).

Anyway I'll stop there and ask if anyone else has this problem? How do you deal with it?
Can any gardeners suggest plants that'll grow in spite of me? Other than cacti... I have one which is 37 years old.

P.S. Sorry for this mind-dump, I'm not actually melting down. I've recently got back into exercise and although it helps smooth out my down days, it often accentuates my up days... I haven't had my full diagnosis yet so I suspect I have some ADHD traits that come out when my depression isn't dampening them. I thought it might be nice to use the energy to start a conversation... although I'll tidy the house and go for a run whilst the intrepid amongst you struggle through this wall-o-text. Good morning, happy Friday people!

I can definitely relate to this.

When I was around 20 years old, I made a decision to drop out of the entire custom of holiday gift exchange. I informed everyone in my life that I wanted neither to give nor to receive holiday gifts, because I just couldn't deal with holiday hustle and bustle. I said that I needed my holidays to be a time to relax, not a time for additional stress.

My best friends, and my family, know what I like. Anything cat-related is good for me, particularly if the cat-related gift resembles a cat I have personally been owned by. Holiday gift exchanges are lacking in imagination. I've lost count of the number of snowman related gifts I've received. I like to be a bit more imaginative than that.

Can you make it abundantly clear to people you don’t want physical gifts. If there is a place you go to - gym, food place or somewhere like that? If so, can they buy you a voucher in case they absolutely have to get something? Or fund a Spotify account you can listen to when you run? Perhaps by suggesting stuff you could make use of that will stop them buying stuff you don’t want.

Although I enjoy buying gifts for others, I do not enjoy receiving gifts. So here are some suggestions:

When my wife and I married, we received many gifts at the wedding. This was years ago before someone came up with the idea of gift registries. It turns out that many of the gifts were duplicates. Two toasters, three blenders etc. So we regifted them. The only problem with that approach is that you really need to remember who gave you what gift so that you do not regift to the person that gave it to you in the first place.

Ask everyone to give you gift cards instead. My wife is always telling me to use gift cards so I do and my family is always giving me gift cards to my favorite restaurants or movie theater instead of gifts. Everyone is happy with this approach.

Identify the gifts you want and identify the gifts that others want before the event. It is common to float a wish list prior to a birthday or anniversary in my family. It prevents the problem of giving something to someone who really doesn't want it.