Does anyone else have this problem with planning?

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I'm extremely messy and disorganized, with pretty much everything. I think the reason for this, though, is usually if I start cleaning, I want it to be absolutely perfect. And if I start writing in a planner, even if it's just supposed to be a simple reminder for an assignment, I get the urge to plan out everything or it feels pointless to write down the reminder, as I won't remember to look at it anyway. The only time I am satisfied with a schedule is if it plans out literally every minute, including free time, meal times, sleep time etc. When I was on my own at college, I was encouraged to make a schedule to help remember things and stay organized. I spent probably 6-8 hours making it initially, adding every detail I thought it needed to have, and planned as far out as I knew my schedule for. But I got too angry when I accidentally slept in for a class or missed an appointment because I didn't notice the reminder, and there was always so much happening that I would eventually forget to add something in which frustrated me a lot as well, so I lost my motivation to use it.

The thing is, I don't usually get annoyed with most changes. What ticks me off is when I had already expected something to be set in stone and it doesn't work out. For example, my mom told me we were going to go out for lunch with her dad whom I hadn't seen for a while, so naturally I was a bit excited. What ended up happening is my step dad got mad at me for singing too loudly, stormed out of the house and left after an argument, and because of this she said we weren't going to be able see him for lunch. That made me pretty mad, I argued with her for a little while about it even though I would still get to see him later in the evening, just not for as long. And about a week and a half ago, I had an appointment with my therapist which I thought was for Friday. But Thursday evening I found out it was the day before, I had missed it. Granted, I had something important I was planning on talking about with her, but I was still surprised by how angry this made me. I was talking to the secretary through gritted teeth to reschedule it and after hanging up I started hitting myself on the head and punching my bed. After about 20 minutes I calmed down and realized it wasn't that big of a deal to wait 5 more days, and that it would actually give me more time to gather my thoughts.

What I really want to know is, if anyone else has this problem (with getting stressed out by making schedules and such), how do you deal with it? I really want to be more organized so I can get things done better.

It's taken me decades, but am beginning to at least catch myself when I start falling or twisting myself into that state. Meaning where I'm hyper about stuff but not dealing with it logically. Sometimes when I'm aware of it I can control it, manage myself... That feels really good because it prevents all sorts of other problems and anger, and waste of my energy. Also I am trying the new thing of forgiving myself when I mis-manage schedules and paperwork, which happens quite a bit.

I have had problems with this, too, but have gotten better over the years.

I cannot use a planner - they do not work for me. I don't look at them, and it bothers me if I get 15 minutes behind on things I have scheduled to do (even if doesn't matter that I am late.) I also have difficulty keeping papers and things organized. I have mixed up appointment times very often.

For me, these things usually happen when something else in my normal schedule gets off. It creates a kind of ripple affect and can make me feel mixed up for days until I get my wits back together. For example, when I was teaching piano in college, I had no problem remembering when my lessons were *except* on weeks when I didn't have class because of school break. I tied lessons into classes, so if I didn't have class, I would forget about my lessons. Big oops.

I still have a hard time adjusting to a new schedule. If I have something on the schedule that I think is set in stone that I am really excited about, I still cry if it doesn't happen at the last minute.

I don't necessarily become angry, though I used to. But I feel highly embarrassed, either about my own screw-ups or about feeling so strongly about whatever it is I wanted to do that fell through.

I have helped myself with the organizing by trying to make things preferable for being right-brained. This is why I don't use planners. They are linear and geared more towards left-brained people. Charts work much better for me because they are more visually-oriented.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis

I have this exact problem with two exceptions:

I wasn't that intense with the planner, but I compulsively wrote lists instead.
I actually can't deal with small changes in addition to what you can't deal with

I have no solutions except to scream and cry.

PS-If you have a smartphone, try Google Keep. I have found it easier than writing lists. You can set alarms that remind you of events. I'm not as obsessed with that as I am with a pen and some paper when planning.

Messy, disorganised, over planning, focussing on tiny details, missing appointments even with reminders, analysis paralysis, I understand this. I'm embarrassed by how i react to change, eg If we have to go to a different supermarket than planned, I don?t make that switch instantly, instead I get upset and can?t give one rational reason for this reaction. I'm called childish and it all goes pear shaped. It seems like CBT would help.
I can?t get the same app on my devices (syncing between different apps has proved unreliable), so instead I?m using email reminders, post its, a small whiteboard, and a large old fashioned calendar. This combination has worked before, but it?s disjointed and adds to the messiness.

I have these problems. It's very frustrating. Why can I write code or design an interactive system but not keep appointments or organize physical objects. Worse, sometimes the thing hits my mental models and what had been clear and organized is suddenly confused and I have to rebuild maps.

Over the last year I have learned that all this falls under the category of deficits in executive function. I have seen quite a few practical tips about ways to deal with specific aspects of this, though implementing some of them seems almost as complicated as the problem itself. This looks like a pathway to a bad kind of recursion.

What I am finding most helpful at the moment is google calendar synced with iCal and Reminders. That way my laptop and phone both remind me frequently of events and obligations. The trick is remembering to put everything in the system.

It gets worse when I am very fatigued, stressed or ill.

I'm still a list junkie- paper and electronic ones.

Yes, I have the same issue. My mom once asked me why it was taking three days to clean my room, to which I told her "I have to clean it right". By the end of the week, I had only cleaned out about half.

Same with when I write a novel. I have to plan out pretty much everything or write it on a whim (after which I feel it's extremely sloppy).