Family Matters

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I don't post on here much but I'd like to get some responses from people, if possible. First, a little background. Most Aspie's have some amazing ability that neurotypicals don't have. Mine is the ability to see behavior patterns in people through actions and speech. I've helped hundreds of families by identifying what their children need and how to help. It's almost exactly the same as what Temple Grandin does with animals only I do it with people. The funny thing is, my own family doesn't believe me when I point out the harmful behaviors the are creating a growing divide between us. This is not true of my wife and children - we have exceptional relationships and are quite happy with each other. This relates only to my mother and my four siblings. I simply can't understand it. Is it a trust issue? Do these parents trust my observations more than my own family? Does anyone else have familial issues like this? I'd really like some input and possible solutions, if any. Thanks.

I consider my close friends as family and yes, I find I bring more peace to social situations I'm newly immersed in. The greatest struggle of my life is keeping peace in my friendships. I live every day hoping diplomacy might prevail.

Savants we are not in most cases, it seems. I do have a fondness for capes, though.

As for family matters, it's great that you can help people who seek your input. If your family isn't actively seeking your opinion, then they don't want to hear it. Even if you can be quite helpful, it could be considered intrusive or judgemental by other people.
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Being intrusive seems to me like an inevitability, better to keep things off my chest and answer for it later than to show judgment of anyone via inaction. I believe I could be a better judge of character but character is dynamic, the longer I've spent without judging people the better my life has become, at this juncture I'm the one stuck here improving it but everything is cyclical.

I'm bonkers but people still eventually wonder what I'm up to.

All we really can improve on is ourselves. The expression "you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink" comes to mind. Getting things off your chest is beneficial to you, but that recipient must decide if it's beneficial to them, and decide whether or not to change accordingly. You can vent, silently pass judgement, or another option:accepting the limitations of others.

I don't push my opinion on them - I simply notice things, for example: my sister was once happy, caring for an elderly woman, exercising and eating healthy. Now she started smoking cigarettes, drinks, quit the job she recently earned as a manager and her house is extremely filthy. These are all recent (last 3 yrs) behaviors. When I simply mentioned that she didn't seem happy she became upset with me and doesn't talk to me or my other sister (who lives across the street) anymore. I didn't judge her - I just mentioned that she didn't seem happy. I didn't presume to be able to help her. I didn't do anything, really, except notice her obvious unhappiness. If that had been a friend, they would have talked to me about it. My family, however, rejects me for it. On a separate note, I did write that "most" Aspies have amazing abilities, not all. Long live the Cape!

I have talents for things like drawing and making crafts even though I've never really been taught how to do them, but I don't know if that's some amazing ability because of Asperger's, that's just what's special about me as an individual. Not everyone with Asperger's is good at drawing cartoons, inventing their own characters, or making handmade dolls of those characters, and vice verca.

I'm wondering where you got "judgment" out of what I wrote?

I wrote, "most" - perhaps I should have written, "many". I also draw and make a good living doing graphic design and branding. I also figure out how to do/make things all of the time. I'm currently learning to cook and my family is LOVING it - I can just put things together. I can't, however, draw cartoons. I've tried and tried. The characters I invent end up in short stories. I just wrote my first book - fiction - and it's being edited right now. Those things are special about me as an individual but I have to attribute the ability to learn things quickly, notice behavior patterns and figure out how things work to Asperger's. I also attribute my screwed up, abnormal and difficult nervous system to autism. What really drove that point (of certain behaviors/abilities being attributable to Asperger's) home for me was when I was asked by a Federal Education Review person to teach other teachers to set up/run a classroom the way I did because, as she'd put it, "In thirty years of reviewing ed programs I've never seen one like this and we'd like you to teach other teachers how to do it." Well, I failed. I couldn't teach the other teachers how to do it. I could probably teach Temple Grandin how to do it because she has the same ability. Ido, however, wouldn't be able to fix cars or teach the way I do. I understand that. Autism is a spectrum - I just like to give credit to what is always seen as a disorder. For those "individual" abilities I thank my lucky stars for autism.

I was actually referring to both posts generally, than addressing one person specifically. Your second post made it clearer that you were casually broaching your family out of concern. My main point is people have to walk their own paths sometimes. I know I did.

I am good with computers and most electrical stuff. My family does not take me seriously at all. It's ridiculous! It doesn't matter what I say, they just won't listen. Even when I perform something in front of their eyes they act like anyone can do it. Some people just don't get taken seriously. I feel bad for you that you have had the same experience as I have. It's harsh to always have to prove yourself. I stopped trying long ago.

I also have the ability to help people. I can read people like a book and also see patterns like they are lit up by a light. I have helped a lot of people out. I also know what kids want and especially kids with speaking probelms and such I can read as well and make them feel comfortable where other people can not. I also have the ability to make people feel safe around me. People have told me this.

My best ability is with animals. A dog that just doesn't let anyone inspect his ear without biting doesn't even react to me looking at his ear. Why, I don't know. I am just not afraid. We are talking about a 100 pound Rottweiler here. It's like he knows I am not afraid and want to help. I just look him in the eyes and talk to him and tell him what I am doing.

Be proud of your ability man. It is awesome that you can do this and if they don't want to take you seriously then just ignore them. You know what you can do and that's what matters.

I don't understand what you wrote. Can you please clarify what "casually broaching your family out of concern" means?

I appreciate your support. I taught for many years and had great success with kids and parents - not so much with other staff. I know what I can do but those who work close to me often have trouble with me. My wife just told me that she has noticed that only insecure people have trouble accepting me - they don't like me to be right because it means that they're probably wrong (her words). IDK -

Nobody likes to be wrong so I don't know what your wife means by that. Insecure people most of the time try to hurt people to lift themselfs up is what I have experienced.

Why do you say they have trouble with you at work?

Bringing up that you're worried in a gentle manner.

Honesty. For example, I supervised 7 ed programs at one point - over thirty teachers - and was well liked by the parents/students (I'm still in touch with some of them fifteen years later). My supervisor, however, had a hidden issue with me. It came out when, one day, a parent arrived to pick up his child and we could smell alcohol on him from five feet away - his speech was slurred. We are mandated, by law, to call law enforcement if we even SUSPECT child abuse/endangerment. The teacher didn't want to cause a scene in the classroom so I went outside, called 911 and a CHP waited about thirty yards from the school, pulled him over as he pulled out of the parking lot, etc. My supervisor then wanted to suspend me for two weeks for "going over her head" with that decision. The law in California specifically states that nobody can stop a teacher from reporting. I was following the law and protecting the child. She still wanted to suspend me. I quit a job that I loved because this was just one of many examples of treating me "differently" than the other supervisors (me being the only male and the only Aspie in a staff of a couple hundred). I just couldn't deal with the social stressors she created for me. That's just an example. I've had two wonderful, accepting and fantastic bosses in my life, though, and I'm still friends with both of them.