An Aspie message to Auties

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First off I hate the term lower or higher functioning but as I understand it this is what it means.

Independent living ability to form relationships and the ability to hold down a job.

Well I can hold down a job but I am a total fail on the other two.

I also hate the term Aspie I am Autistic and I know it.

I have seen a few people with so called classic autism express their frustration at some Aspies trying to push people into things they can not do.

I can not form or maintain relationships of friendships and the idea of independent living terrifies me and people trying to push me into either is not helpful to me.

I also understand many people on the spectrum can not hold down employment and pushing them to do so is can be very harmful.

I would consider myself a borderline case I was fired 4 times from different jobs before the age of 23.
I am 40 now and have been working since and the push helped me.

Having a job I enjoy for the most part is a big outlet in my life and people on the borderline like I was might go either way.

I failed four times in employment before I leaned the hard way how to hold down a job.

What I am saying people should not be placed under undue pressure but I also believe people who might learn how to hold down a job should not be told to give up to early just because they are autistic.

There is one young lad on this board EzraS his posts burst with intelligence that put mine to shame.

The biggest problem this kid had in my opinion was his lack of confidence and his own negative opinion of his maturity level.

What I am trying to spread here is not unreasonable pressure but a never lie down and die attitude.

I have built up my own self confidence with the help of people on this board from right across the spectrum.

I know some people on the spectrum do end up in long term relationships and just because I know this is out of my reach does not stop me wanting people on the spectrum who can go for this to go for it.

Like the kid I mentioned I believe his future belongs in employment and a well meaning push is cases like this can be very helpful.

I also accept the message that we are all different every single one of us and unrealistic pressure should not be placed on any of us we have it hard enough already.

I think a balance needs to be struck here.

Last edited by sharkattack on 08 Aug 2014, 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just to add dealing with people in work is stressful and I am sure they think I am a total oddball.
They also know I am trying my best I do not hide my autism.

My moods go up and down but I am 100% sure I am better off not being at home all day.

am not personaly in full agreement with it but the official/medical definition of low functioning autism and high functioning autism have got nothing to do with ability to be in independant living or form relationships [or not],low functioning autism is when people have classic autism with intelectual disability,high functioning autism is when people have either classic autism or aspergers without intelectual disability.
autism has a very different presentation when under or over an iq of seventy.
of course an aspie/HFA can have points of their functioning affected but they do not have their whole global functioning limited by a lack of mental capacity which is what the term intelectual disability and by connection;LFA is,its like comparing a single processor [us] to dual or quad core processors [people with no ID].

am unable to work and will never be able to work in a mainstream environment, and there are no sheltered specialist jobs here anymore as our government shut them all down in the name of disability 'equality' not realising there were many of us with challenging needs that make businesses not want to spend the time nor insurance dealing with us.
it isnt because am low confidence or lacking self esteem its the levels of disability plus the high complex needs,high support needs and severe challenging behavior that comes from them.

we spent months looking for companies to help us,including contacting mencap [our national intelectual disability charity],the national autistic society and united response [a mixed ASD, intelectual disability and mental health specialist employment charity], and one am unable to remember and none of them were able to help.
mencap run a specialist supported employment course which was very interesting sounding but the problem with that was its to expensive to pay privately;its funded by social services and those of us in full time care cannot access it as it gets classed as 'double funding'.
wish there were the specialist sheltered workshops still there as it woud enable us to financialy contribute to society as well,but our voices are never listened to,its why had got into activism.

KingdomOfRats I can not express the respect I have for you.

You express an understanding of this whole subject I can not begin to approach.

I realise many can not work but many can.

It's wrong to put pressure on those that can't but I also believe it is right to give those that can a bit of a push.

On a personal level mixing with NTs is stressful but not as stressful as I find it being alone all day.

There is a saying: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" .... it's sometimes my response when I'm told someone who is hurting me has good intentions. Good intentions matter, but they do not erase harm done.

The thing is, though, that you can't know who is able to work and who is not just by reading their posts on an internet forum.

One of the fundamental problems with pushing people is the limitations of how much you can know about another person -- even people who you've known your entire life in offline space. It is very easy to misunderstand people, make assumptions and get things wrong -- on an internet forum it is just that much easier.

I think that encouragement and support are much safer options than pushing, and probably just as effective for the majority of people (for a lot of people they are more effective).

Animal crackers my Autism never lets me express things in the exact way I want.

I fully agree with your post encouragement and support.

What I believe or what anybody else believes may not match reality and the only person who can truly understand somebody is that person themselves.


You have helped my bring my point into focus I think we should also be very careful not to discourage people.