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Deccajay
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01 Mar 2007, 9:35 pm

I am frustrated. is it so wrong?
is it so wrong to be bothered that my brother was able to keep and develope a relationship with or out of state cousins when I was not, even though i tryed?

Is it so wrong of me to be bothered that my out of state cousins managed to develop a friendship with my brother when I could not, even though I tried?

Is it wrong of me to be bothered that when i try to talk to someone on IM she interupst me to complain about how lony her life is even thought she has two roommates and tones of other friends that she loves because she cant find a guy..........while I sit here alone, all my friend abanding me and my boyfriend in the army.

is it wrong of me to be bothered that she talks about how much fun she has with her twister party's and going out on the town and hanging out with her friend's and when i say i dont have friends and she says that she is my friend I try to elplain to her that I ment people who I have actualy seen in the past five months who actualy talk to me more than just to complain about how terible things are and ignore what I have to say (I said it nicer than that, i think) she got all offended and said she was so busy with school and work.....please not the part about the party's......she lives three blocks away, would it kill her to ask me over once in a while....or stop by when she visets one of her other friends who lives FOUR HOUSES AWAY FROM ME?

is it wrong of me to be bothered that my grandmother who I havent really had much of any contact with in like forever did not respond to the letter I sent her asking to please write to me, or call, and asking her to please share stories of when my grandfather was in the army and when my mom was young. gees I guess all family means is you get sent some money in a card for christamas and maybe birthdays, and thats it...... I would rather get a letter telling me priceless family stories than cash...........but no.

is it wrong of me to be othered in general?

ok thats all, thanks for listening to me rant.


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matt271
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01 Mar 2007, 9:41 pm

yes, yes it is.



Deccajay
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01 Mar 2007, 9:42 pm

thanks you are ever so helpfull


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maldoror
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01 Mar 2007, 9:47 pm

No, it's not wrong. I don't care about people's problems either. No one ever calls or writes me either. Wanna hear a list of my other problems?



Deccajay
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01 Mar 2007, 10:18 pm

yes maldoror I do. please do list yur problems.


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maldoror
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01 Mar 2007, 10:27 pm

Ahh... well... They kind of actually stem out from those. That and I'm in the midst of an all encompassing existential crisis, but I have been since somewhere around preschool, so I've learned to tune it out so I can hear the TV.

Anyway, bottom line, I spent the last year and a half attached to people that someone, somewhere calls "friends," locked in the same kind of envy/apathy limbo, and I've finally, for the first time in my freaking life, have realized that life makes more sense when you stop paying attention to them.



Erlyrisa
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02 Mar 2007, 1:11 am

What you said sort of got me thinking....

..yeah I did used to get jealous about others socialising., including my family members. eg. my dad usually always 'stole my friends'.

-after awhile I just gave up ... stuff it, if thier more friendly with everyone else then I guess they aren't my friends ... I now realise, it's me that has the problem. They're my friends, I'm just not freindly.



blackdove
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02 Mar 2007, 2:00 am

no. its not your fault. what you're saying sounds very similar to what i've experienced with my so-called "friends". years ago, i still gave a damn. now, i don't. most of my girlfriends would call me up to b***h about thier lives in some way or another, or used me as a "filler" friend, when i actually thought that they cared about me as a person. they didn't. i suppose what bothered the most was that they lived in such close proximity to me (same town, down the road), and yet, i would be ignored or overlooked for someone more "social and friendly". for f*** sake, it's not like i had that many "friends" to begin with, and they knew that. but didn't care. over time, i got the message that i wasn't "all that cool" to be around, especially when i'd catch them in their lies. "oh, i don't want to get together, i'm feeling unwell". so, then i'd find something else to do for myself, and i'd see them "out and about". total lies. and liars. so feel free to vent. it only makes sense to be angry with people whom you invest energy into. imo. i know this isn't necessarily based on logic. but since when are emotions based on logic. :? :( :evil: :wink:



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02 Mar 2007, 2:14 am

No problem at all. It sounds like you have some bad social life issues that you need to resolve but your perfectly OK to be bothered.


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Brendan
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02 Mar 2007, 4:29 am

I believe that the correct place for this thread would be "The Haven".

Brendan


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Deccajay
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02 Mar 2007, 5:33 am

well i guess not only can I get social stuff right, i cant get the placment of a friggen post right either, know what, what ever.

thanks to those of you who cared more about what I was saying than where I put it.


I dont want to be jelouse of my brother but I am, he has so many friends on so many differnt levals and never was willing to help me out with social crap. He helped me out and protected me on some many leaves, standing up for me and everything. but he never lat me join in with his friends. part of it I think was again protection for he knew I would be teased by some people he might be around, and part of it is he is just priavate.

I dont really care that the girl that i was toking about wants to hang out with me or not, i just wish she would grow up and realize that the world doesnt revolve around her.

as what you said about people lieing to not hang out with you, I totally understand that.
I also had people who would just use me when there was no one else around. calling me up and listing everyone they called first saying they were all buisy so did i want to do somthing? I also remeber that same girl inviting herself over to have a sleep over with me, I was exited she was suposed to come at six. I called her at six thirty to fins out why she asnt there yet and aperently she had found someone else to have a sleep over at HER house and just desided not to come. I guess things dont really get better when youget older, they just get a little bit differnt.

well i guess thats it for now, and maybe my last post.


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sociable_hermit
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02 Mar 2007, 11:37 am

I know what you mean and I find it confusing. Although I have friends I find phoning them or arranging things quite stressful. I'm not very good at empathising either, although I try my best, and so I'm not the most natural friend anybody could choose.

Because it's stressful, I will only contact people when I really need them. But then I worry that I am a 'bad weather' friend - an attention seeker who only contacts his friends when he needs something for himself, and not just out of friendship. When I was at school it wasn't a problem, because I saw most of my friends every day. But in adult life everyone has split up and it's difficult to keep in touch. If, like me, you are reluctant to make the first move, it's easy to let friendships lapse. A week becomes a month becomes six months.... and by that stage the gap is pronounced enough to be embarrassing, so where do you begin?

I don't think you should be mad at your brother. It's not his fault that he finds the whole process easier than you do. That's just the way it is.

As for other friendships, I guess what I'm saying is that you've just got to bite the bullet and talk to people, as much as you can. Don't make the mistake I used to make, and be polite and wait to be invited places all the time... because while some people are good at this, many aren't.

I know it isn't easy and I am going to struggle taking my own advice here, but I can't think of a decent alternative really.


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Deccajay
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02 Mar 2007, 12:09 pm

I get what you are saying for you but i dont think you get what I am saying at all. for one thing. i am not mad at my brother. I never said I was. I said i was bothered by the situations, I sais I was bothered that my extended family chose to expt my rother and not me when I tryed just as hard.

and I have no propblem making the first move. I just happent to be listening to someone whine about how terible life was because she didnt have a boyfriend at the time of making this thread....while i was trying to talk to her about other things. I was bothered because when she sais she was loney even though she has roommates and tones of friends that she loves and i tryed to say that I understood what it was like to be lonly she totaly blew my feelings down and said she needed a guy. I am not saying I want to have bunch of people to hang around with, I am very happy not having empy friendships thank you. what I am saying is... IT PISSES ME OFF that peopel are so self centered that only there feelings matter and that because she wants a boyfriend my loney ness doesnt count. I guess because I got a guy, even if I never see him and I barly get to talk to him and I sit in my apartment by myself all the time...I dont know what lony is. belive it or not, all that was just an after though. I really just wanted to vent, and mostly about the family thing. but I guess it was a mistake to even make this thread. sorry.


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Starr
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02 Mar 2007, 1:34 pm

I don't think it was wrong of you to start this thread, it's good to vent. People do piss you off sometimes, unfortunately. In an ideal world you'd talk with your friend, you'd share your problems and try to help each other sort them out, or offer a little understanding and support. That doesn't often happen though, not in my experience anyway.
Yes, you're right to be bothered. My friends piss me off too sometimes.



sociable_hermit
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02 Mar 2007, 2:15 pm

No, no need to apologise, I should have read your original post more carefully.

I agree with everything you're saying, about how self-centered people can be. I've been on both sides of that particular coin. It isn't wrong to need a chat sometimes, provided you'll also listen and support others when they are in need. If it's all one way then you're being used.

If some of your existing friends are wearing your patience thin, maybe it's time to go out and find some new ones?


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Deccajay
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02 Mar 2007, 4:20 pm

sociable_hermit wrote:

If some of your existing friends are wearing your patience thin, maybe it's time to go out and find some new ones?


what existing frends? as i said this girl conciders herself my friend but in my mind shis just somoene i can listen to complain every once in a while. I actualy dont mind too much.. i have my boyfriend...i would like people fo film with, and maybe someone i could confide in besides my boyfriend, like somthings going on right now I would like to talk about...........but other than that I am ok I think, at times at least espetialy given the evort needed to find decent friends. i just dont have the energy right now.


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