Being approached by NTs who know you have AS

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I always feel weird when this happens. Especially if they completely ignored me before they knew about my label. I always feel like they want something from me. I don't know exactly what that "something" is, but I enjoy speculating about it.

I notice that they often act overly friendly and they tend to interview me. I don't want to be interviewed. I want to be treated like an equal. If that means that they never approach me that's okay with me.

I also suspect that the NTs that approach Aspies want minority friends to make themselves look hip and accepting. They often make friends with black and gay people. They probably also want to make friends with disabled people. They probably also believe that the Aspie is a charity case. This can create some weird dynamics because they believe that they're doing the Aspie a favor just because they talk to them. This is all speculation. I could be wrong about all this.

I never experienced this (I don't tell random people about my AS) but if I were to interpret I think they might just be curious.

They were ignoring you because they were thinking you are just a evil person but now they realize they got it wrong so they want to learn about you to understand AS better. The realization they got it wrong at first might have really hit them and they don't want to miss the cues in the future, in case another aspie comes ahead.

They also might want to be friend with you in the first place but were afraid that you act so cold to them because you hate them for some reason. Now they see it isn't true so they feel free to befriend with you.

Ah, yes, the patronizing type. I got a bunch of those in school. Neither they nor I knew about my AS at the time, but I wanted to shake them and shout, "I AM DIFFERENT, NOT BROKEN," regardless.

I am straight and have a gay friend. I also have friends of other races. It's not because I want to be "hip and cool" (I'm a middle-aged mother...that's not happening, LOL). It's because I actually like them. Imagine that! I wasn't aware that it was unusual for people who don't look the same to be friends...

As for AS: maybe they didn't know how to react to you before, but with a better understanding of why you are how you are, they like you better?
I know that when my kids were dx'd with autism, I changed my reactions to some behaviours. Previously "bratty" behaviours were now regarded as a meltdown. The reaction to it is different. My kids are obviously different because I'm stuck with them like them or not (and I do like them, BTW)...but I can see how the diagnosis changes your treatment of someone, but not in a mean way.

I do not want to be viewed in a different way at all. I'd rather be viewed as evil, cold and stuck up than autistic. I do not want people to learn about me to understand AS better. I'd rather they "befriend" someone else. I'm not a good representation of the AS population. When I avoid eye contact, have an unenthusiastic tone of voice and give short answers it usually means I don't want to talk to someone. Not a "lack of social skills".

I don't even think my diagnosis is that accurate. The reason I act cold and stuck up is because I don't want to deal with patronizing people. I also want to be slightly intimidating to avoid being patronized. I do in fact dislike patronizing people, so their original assumptions about me are probably correct.

Some of them might have wanted to be friends with me, but they were probably boring and patronizing people anyways. I probably do kind of hate them especially if they start patronizing me.

What you want and what you get is all different, especially if you don't communicate it clearly.
You might tell them to leave you alone. Maybe it helps. But don't be sure about it - they will make their own decisions.
Until you explain it to them in a way that make them believe you really mean it they will do what they want because they can't instinctively read you. You are probably sending mixed messages in the "official" body language even if you don't realize it.

A lot of people particularly that type of person cannot understand direct language. They always reinterpret what I say and completely forget what I really said. Since they can't understand correct language I deal with them by being as distant as possible without being rude or too unusual.

*Nods her head up and down*
Yup. They reinterpret what you say because they're automatically reading your physical reactions by "official" body language rules, regardless of the fact that they "know" that you don't communicate that way.

This is almost definitely completely unconscious. It's really hard for people who are used to talking almost exclusively in body language, tone and subtlety to turn that part of their minds off -- exactly analogously to how it's hard for US to turn off the part of our minds that searches for meaning exclusively in words, and is listening only to the words that are spoken.

This is a novel, unique and thoroughly effective way of going through life. I'm glad to read you've found it at a young age of 18. You are the master of your reality, this you use to your advantage and you know what you want from people and how to get it. You also have a flawless rationalization to back it all up.

The "Something" might just be friendship!

I think it's totally cool if you don't want to give that friendship to them, though. Friendship is a big deal to me, so I don't go around making friends everywhere I go; if I did that, I wouldn't have time for the carefully selected friends I have!

Maybe. I just don't understand why they would suddenly want to befriend me after they find out about my label. That's the real question.

I'm inclined to agree with the folks quoted below.


But, what you said in your first post (quoted below), also rings true.

Not everyone's like that, though, so it's not a thing that can be assumed.

They might also be acting overly friendly all of a sudden because they're worried that they were treating you unfairly before, and are trying to make up for it.

I don't know, though. I guess the reasons depend on the person.

Like some people have said here, people with AS often come across as rude or arrogant. I'm guessing that's why they were cold initially. Maybe they approached you because they recognized they might have misjudged you based on that? My guess would be they aren't interviewing you, they're trying to understand you.

As an Nt with some Aspie traits I can give my opinion. I once had a coworker who was an Aspie and I disliked him because he would never allow me to start conversations. If I asked how was your weekend, he would say good and end the conversation. He would also bad mouth my work in front of managers. I only realized he was an Aspie when my son was dx'd. If I knew the situation before I would approach it differently. I would be more blunt and frankly more interested out of curiosity. You compared the situation to white ppl trying to befriends with gay people or black people. For nt's a lot of times these situations are interesting. They want to see other perspectives. Kind of like mr Spock studying a new planet and saying fascinating. Maybe nt's are tired of nt's. Maybe straight whites are tired of only knowing each other. Maybe the white picket fence needs to painted pink for a week just for the hell of it. Going back to my story I would make an effort to be understand my coworker more if I knew at that time that he was an Aspie.