I Feel Like People Can Tell When I am Having Anxiety?
I suffer from severe anxiety, that keeps me awake at night. Sometimes, it gets so bad I feel sick. I think I am coping pretty well. I have interests, and even friends. I used to be borderline suicidal, but am not anymore.
One thing that really bothers me though, is I am afraid to let my friends and family see my anxiety. I try to hide it. I worry about losing my friends (I have a bad fear of abandonment/rejection), and I feel like if they knew that they would think I was "needy" and leave me.
Lately I've been afraid my friends will be able to "sense" I'm not well, either in the way I talk or act, and they will leave me. I try to be really positive and upbeat around them, but I worry that my feelings are still showing.
Even my family, who know what I am going through, I am afraid to discuss things with. I feel like it wears them down, and I don't want to be a burden.
All of this makes me feel guilty. Any help? And how can I keep myself from relying on others too much?
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so stressed. Ironically this fear of letting people know about your anxiety is possibly making it worse. My sister suffers from anxiety issues and I've know for a long time, but she's only recently had the confidence to open up to me about it and explain how she really feels. This gives me the hope that she is learning to deal with people on her own terms in a way that will make her feel less anxious. If she can't be herself with me, then who can she be herself with? I feel honoured that she finally let me in and I will support her.
What I'm saying is that the fact that they already know is not something to worry about. They are your family and friends and they care about you. They want you to be happy and healthy and if you admit how you really feel to them rather than trying to protect them from seeing the real you, then you may find that they actually understand. In reality, they want to see the real you because you are the person they care about. You may feel that you are protecting them, but not being yourself with them creates a distance between you and them rather than drawing you closer together.
Hope that makes sense. You can PM me if you want.
This is a totall normal aspect of human psychology. It is named the "illusion of transparency" and is taught in introductory social psychology classes.
Everyone feels that their inner life is more obvious (or completely transparent) to others than it really is. The reality is that you are not transparent and people cannot see your inner life. It's also true that most people spend most of their time thinking about themselves and are paying much less attention to you than you think.
It sounds like you have an anxiety problem (as so many of us do) and you are trying to make sense out of it by attaching the anxiety to this issue. You can dismiss this with your rational mind (maybe google "illusion of transparency" and "social psychology") and then focus in on anxiety management.
Things that help me with anxiety:
Exercise, meditation, making art, focusing on a special interest, playing a game, CBT and medication.
I am sure people would be fine with your anxiety, I have suffered from anxiety since I was 7, about half of my friends could spot the signs, they helped me keep calm when I was really anxious, its much nicer when people know, then they can help you or distract you when you are feeling particularly anxious.
friends should not feel burdened by you, they are friends because they care about you, at least they should, I don't know about your friends, but I quite enjoy helping my friends, and I am sure you would help your friends with problems, perhaps have faith that your friends are nice people and would be sympathetic and understanding, anyway if they are not than they are not friends you want to have
What I'm saying is that the fact that they already know is not something to worry about. They are your family and friends and they care about you. They want you to be happy and healthy and if you admit how you really feel to them rather than trying to protect them from seeing the real you, then you may find that they actually understand. In reality, they want to see the real you because you are the person they care about. You may feel that you are protecting them, but not being yourself with them creates a distance between you and them rather than drawing you closer together.
Hope that makes sense. You can PM me if you want.
Thank you for the reply. I'm sorry to hear your sister suffers from anxiety as well. My friends already know I have anxiety issues, but they don't know how bad they are. I just don't want to be a bummer.
[quote="Adamantium"]This is a totall normal aspect of human psychology. It is named the "illusion of transparency" and is taught in introductory social psychology classes.
Everyone feels that their inner life is more obvious (or completely transparent) to others than it really is. The reality is that you are not transparent and people cannot see your inner life. It's also true that most people spend most of their time thinking about themselves and are paying much less attention to you than you think.
It sounds like you have an anxiety problem (as so many of us do) and you are trying to make sense out of it by attaching the anxiety to this issue. You can dismiss this with your rational mind (maybe google "illusion of transparency" and "social psychology") and then focus in on anxiety management.
Things that help me with anxiety:
Exercise, meditation, making art, focusing on a special interest, playing a game, CBT and medication.[/quote
Thanks for the reply. I didn't know about the "illusion of transparency", though I suppose I've suspected something like that exists. I suspect one of my friends suffers from social anxiety as well. I feel really guilty, because I have been ignoring him the past few days. He was being really mean to me earlier this week, and I got my feelings hurt. I don't think he realized he was coming across that way though. He's my best friend, and being in a fight with him has made my anxiety sky rocket. I think I'll talk to him when I see him in a couple of days.
I do most of the things you listed, although meditation and CBT make me feel worse. Meditation makes feel like I'm going to explode, and I feel like when I had CBT before I was focusing WAY too much on my anxiety, and not other things. Also, when you say "as many of us do", do you specifically mean people with autism, or the human population in general?
Thanks again.
friends should not feel burdened by you, they are friends because they care about you, at least they should, I don't know about your friends, but I quite enjoy helping my friends, and I am sure you would help your friends with problems, perhaps have faith that your friends are nice people and would be sympathetic and understanding, anyway if they are not than they are not friends you want to have
Thanks for the reply.
I have very kind and understanding friends. i need to open up to them more, I am sure they would understand. Most of them know I suffer from anxiety, but they don't know how often. I try to "hide" it. I guess it's not something I should feel so embarrassed about though.
I mean people with autism. Rates of anxiety diagnoses in a large sample of autistic people in the Kaiser Permanente health care system in California were more than double that of a control group (something around 17% for the controls and 39% for the autistic sample.)
Other studies show similar high rates of anxiety. I have an extreme form called panic disorder and this is much rarer but also much higher in autistic people than control groups.
Sorry to hear you bad experiences with meds and CBT. I highly recommend exercise, if you can do it. I walk 3-4 miles daily and it really helps.
I hope you find ways to manage it that work for you.
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