How would you interpret this? (+ background)
Sorry for the long post.
I have both social anxiety and other kinds of social issues. I'm also an introvert and I find it really difficult to meet new people. Meeting new people often results in a lot of anxiety, confusion due to the fact that I don't really know what to say or how to act, and sometimes it even results in me going "mute" (I then feel like I can't get words out of my mouth but I'm not sure whether that is physical or mental or both). I would also say that I don't really have a big interest in getting to know new people. I'm content with the friends I already have (though I think friendships are difficult) and I hardly ever take initiative to get to know new people (it's easier if they initiate contact with me). I do try though and sometimes, quite rarely, I happen to get really interested in a person. Not romantically but in the sense that I just find the person fascinating and interesting. Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, that sort of happened in the beginning of this year. In February/March. I got to know an older student at my university who's been studying a lot longer than I have. For some reason I have this tendency to feel more "drawn to" people who are older than me instead of people my age. It's been that way since I was a child. I also have a tendency to feel "drawn to" people who possess a lot of knowledge. I constantly want to learn things and when talking to people I want to talk about things I find very interesting (science, books, psychology, learning things, memorizing things etc). I found the student I got to know very interesting and cool and I like her.
An example of a social issue (or whatever you want to call my example) I have, which is also relevant to this story, is that I have a very hard time knowing whether or not people like me and whether or not they want to socialise with me. I never know if I should trust people when they say they'd like to meet up etc. It makes me really anxious from time to time and I never really know how to tell what's really going on with the relationship/friendship in question. I recently figured out that's probably because of something that happened to me as a child. I was bullied in school and one of the worst things that happened (it was seriously traumatizing to me) was some kind of mean "social experiment" my bullies decided to involve me in. A boy in my class started talking to me and socialising with me in school and sometimes even outside of school (I was 13 years old at the time). I appreciated that because I didn't really have any close friends. We talked a lot and had fun together. He asked me a lot of questions about personal stuff and I asked him some stuff as well. I saw no signs of trouble. None at all. I thought this boy was just interested in me as a person.
After a few weeks or so this classmate sat down next to me during a lesson at school and he told me the following: "I don't like you. I've never liked you and we're not friends. We were never friends. I just thought you looked so lonely and I just wanted to see what happened if I pretended to be your friend for a while." He left and the day after I got a phone call from someone who told me that the guy had spread all of my secrets and that he and others had started rumors, which resulted in pretty much the whole class (not all of them but the majority of them) trash talking me behind my back that whole afternoon. The trash talk continued and I lost all the "friends" I had previously had. I remember I cried. I spent the whole summer crying because I had no friends and I didn't understand why. I don't think I ever trusted people after that. At least not the way I did before the incident.
So, you probably see how that could affect me view of friendships nowadays. A while back I spoke to the older student I got to know and managed (despite anxiety) to ask if she wanted to meet up someday soon and hang out. She said she'd really like to and that we'd talk about it later but that we could hang out someday before the next semester starts. Today I ran into her (I always see this picture of me literally running into someone when I say that, which is not what I meant) and we spoke for about 5 minutes. When she left she said "well, perhaps I'll see you when classes start in September". Now I wonder how to interpret that? Does she not want to meet up with me or did she simply forget that we were supposed to hang out? I really don't know and I really can't tell.
So:
1. How would you interpret that?
2. Does anyone else have this kind of problem (not knowing how to figure things like this out)?
Nasty stuff from the guy. Bullies get off on making other people miserable, because they're usually miserable inside. They especially like to prey on nice people because of the poverty in their own spirit.
I wouldn't take the response from the girl too seriously. She possibly has social issues of her own kind, and may also have moved on with other friendships.
I was like that in school for a while, trusting and made to look like a fool. I joined the photo club and locked myself away in the dark room, enjoying experimenting with picture developing techniques. This was the early 70's. After a year or so, some nicer students made friends with me, one of which is still my best friend, 40 years later.
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A smile is not always a smile.
A frown is not always a frown.
And a blank look rarely means a blank mind.