Intrusive Thoughts About A Girl In High School

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I'm not sure how this is going to come across or sound.

For the past few years, I've been having really bad intrusive thoughts, but lately, I've been having intrusive thoughts of this girl back in high school, for about a week. I had a crush on her, hardly spoke to her. She had long dark hair in a ponytail. She would hang out "by the rocks", which was a place, next to my high school. Druggies would hang out there, but that doesn't mean she was one.

She would often be in a car talking to another girl, parked over by the rocks at lunch time. I would see her ther when I walk the place next tot the school. I could sense that she was similar like me, didn't have many true friends, I can tell there is good energy between her and the girl she was talking to (meaning good friends). I can often sense things and read people, at times. I could tell she was struggling with something, but not sure what. I wish I had done something different, maybe could have been her friend, but she was in a different league, hung out with different friends, not easy to trust people, especially me, where I'm socially awkward.

One memory that keeps appearing in my head, is one morning I was in the hallway, the "Oh Canada" natiional anthem played, and we everyone has to stop, while it plays. She was standing myside me, looking at her phone the whole time. I wanted to say something, but didn't know what, or that it was the right time to say anything to her.

This was about 7-8 years ago. I never knew her name, but was pretty sure, that she was one year behind me. I wish I could get her out of my mind. It's one of the worse intrusive thoughts. This one seems to bother me more. I don't know why these years, that is she just coming into my mind now.

I was a loner in high school. I always drew attention to myself. Always pretending to talk on a cell phone, because I didn't know how else to act. I liked the attention I got, and that it had people guessing. Some people thought that I was with the CIA or something, because I was always on the phone. It was a defence mechanism. It made me feel less awkward when around people, and people didn't bother me.

Another thing, that's really bothering me, is the first day of Grade 11, I was with a group of students, getting a tour of the school, I was kinda lost, figuring out my classes, so I just ended up there. Beside, was a girl (different girl). She was attractive, and she smiled at me. I felt good energy from her. I wanted to say something, but I didn't. Even if I had said Hi, and noting came of it, I could still see her later and say Hi, maybe she would say something back. It's rare for a girl to smile at me, also rare to find genuine people these days. I kinda wish that I would wake up and it'll be 10 years ago, and I start high school over again. I would say something to her, and not make a fool of myself. I wouldn't how to not do that, but I would try. It would be easier to talk to the girl that I saw on the first day in Grade 11, I feel that the first girl, is hard to get to, if you know what I mean. Like, people who are shy.

For anyone who doesn't know what Intrusive Thoughts are, they are thoughts (visual or audio) that appear in your head automatically. Usually of a bad event that has happened to you, either past or alternative or future events. and you find yourself there, and it feels like you're actually there.
Some people also hear their own voiced thoughts saying things about themselves or other people, like you could be saying something mean about someone in your head, even though you don't really feel that way. Intrusive Thoughts often keep coming back, frequently, either the same, or various thoughts. It's different for everyone. Intrusive Thoughts are almost always negative. The earlier you catch yourself in these thought, the better.

First, there have been lots of threads about this kind of thing on this site.

Has anything stressful happened or has anything changed in your life recently? Are you depressed? Are you lonely? (Silly question, I know, to be asking on this site, but you never know.) These things could have caused your mind to go looking for something familiar.

It sounds like you might have the beginnings of a "people obsession". Don't try to contact either of them if you get to that point.

I had this before, with other people, but it was different.

Nothing much has changed. I've always been a loner and have been depressed for a long time. I've been trying to change my life for th ebtter recently, like exercising, went to a psychic, read stories on Guardian Angels.

QuiversWhiskers is right. You should look to see if something else in your life might be triggering your thoughts about her. If you find it's getting hard to deal with or doesn't go away pls find a counsellor or therapist - they can help you to move past this and put it behind you. Sometimes things linger when they shouldn't.

Oh gosh. I have frequent schizoid flashbacks to going out with my ex-girlfriend. I know I shouldn't, but there's not much I can do about it. It's OCD messing with me.

I was gonna say that I think it has something to do with OCD.
I try to have positive thoughts. I dream abut having a girlfriend, going to the cottage, walking through to woods, living in harmony. My folks own a piece of land, and we'll build a cottage on it, soon.

I think of doing romantic things, such as star gazing with her, camp fire. Having a nice cottage, and us eventually having a nice place.
Today, I was thinking about having a 2-story cottage, including finished basement, with sauna, shower, and hot tub, also gym equipment, and a heated, salt water pool. She is genuine, sweet, open, adventurous, goofy/silly and sometimes mischievous at times. SHe is smart, understanding, and doesn't judge. She is the kind of person, I can talk t about anything, without fear of being judged. We can sense each others, thoughts, positive or negative. I dream about us having a bond, like we can pysical feel if one of us is hurting, Some people have this ability. She likes adventures, road trips, random adventures, nature, being active. Since dreaming this, I also started exercising more. Today, I did 5+KM on tread mill, including some running. I did something where you lay and hold yourself up by your arms and toes, for at least 15 seconds. I did chin-ups with the diving board, in the pool. I'm also train to go to the Zombie Trail Run in September.

Today, a positive thought came into my mind. It's rather usual. It's 5 girls, they appear tough, but they are the kindest, sweetest girls ever, and when I'm with them, I don't feel awkward, I feel normal and safe. 2 of them have tattoos and look like they're in a gang, but their not. They are open and understanding. They are completely comfortable with me around and can talk about anything. I feel that most girls don't feel as comfortable having a guy with them.

Also, I never had a sleepover, and any experiences like that, so I pictured these girls having a sleepover, talking, and waking up and having pancakes.
They appear tough because of people judging them, and so no one will give them trouble. But, they stick up for one another. They accept my as part of their posse. They are street smart, also smart on security and staying safe. They are good at figuring people/things out. They are like Angels, and like Sisters. They are the most awesome girls you could ever meet. As long as your good, and your intentions are good. If a bully gives them trouble, they try see from their perspective, and vice versa, to understand each other, and tell the bully, why what they're doing is wrong. They tend to judge more when in a bad mood, like anyone.

It's nice. The reason why I imagined this, is because girls often get a bad vibe from me, or something. It's like they can see that I'm different, judge me, and give me a bad look, as if I did something. This positive thoughts are from negative experiences, bullies. Most of the bullies I encounter are girls. I take that experience and twist it into positive thoughts. I've always wanted friends, people I can be myself around, at least a girlfriend.

I thought of what I would have if I had a Million dollars, and I don't want a lot, big houses or fancy cars. I would have a nice cottage, regular, previously owned car, also lots of acerage, and a nice path in the woods, and a meadow, maybe a lake. A heated, salt-water pool with lights in it. That plus, the gym. You can have that for a Million dollars, I believe.

House + gym + pool $650,000
Landscaping: $80,000+
Car: $5,000-$10,000 (Toyota or Subaru)
Furniture: $6,000-$8,000

Dream big, and dream positive.
If you think and believe positively, you will attract them.
Optimism: Being positive and having positive things come to you, like a magnet.

I had such thoughts about a guy in my college programme. I didn't have a crush on him. I just felt a bit of envy towards him at the ages of 18 and 19, because he was that gentle and sensitive soul that I wasn't able to be at the time, back in 1993-94. I was always wondering how it was possible that he could possibly be the way that he was around that time. Though I didn't believe in role models at the time, I was thinking that he must have had a very good role model and it was too bad I didn't believe in such a thing. I'd spend the weeks between our work experiences studying him so I could try and be like him.