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...I either ruminate or idle restlessly. I relive past conversations, create imaginary situations and conversations, and sometimes I feel as if my head is splitting.
Same things happen to me. I had an awful "break up" about two months back, and even though I've rationalized my reasons for feeling perfectly fine with never looking back at the guy, whenever I get mentally "spinning in place" like this, all the negative sh*t just mentally appears periodically throughout the day. I was really pleasantly surprised with myself, though, because after sending my previous post, I was able to move on to some positive thoughts, and even though I had to rest from a stress-induced stomach upset, I could tell I was getting more "on-track" and less mentally cluttered/upset. I think that realizing how much these things effect me negatively really helps me to "get off my ass" and actually /do/ something. No matter what, I have to remember to just partake in actions, even if I don't feel like I can do them at the time. It is truly difficult to do, sometimes, but I just have to force myself into a better attitude I guess.
I do admit that I consistently think/feel better in the nighttime, though. No matter where I am, in school or not, it's just much more lovely for me, for the most part.
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I wonder what the problem is? Is this a normal psychological state? Is it depression? Is it something else?
I've noticed that depression can have a lot to do with it. Then again, loss of structure/meaning and frustrations over those matters can lead to depression, which can just create a cyclical effect. Personally, I'm really having to watch myself, because I'm almost starting to get depressed and I haven't had that sort of mindset in over two years. Except for when I have vacations. haha ahhh
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I haven't had these issues before I started going on disability in April/May after receiving the disappointing news that my insurance was saying that sex reassignment surgery was excluded--which has not been resolved, because I'm fighting their decision. Since then, I've been having problems with motivation. ...With my job, I had structure, but now that structure is gone. I've tried returning over the past month, but I couldn't stay on the shifts, so now I'm back on disability. I hope I can get over this and get back to my job or step safely over to something like SSDI.
I truly hope that things get better for you, as well. Your intense feelings of frustration/upset could possibly be used to help with the motivation process, but then again that's something I would do, not what works best for you. Your insurance company sounds like sh*t, though. Sending many good wills your way.