Not sure when or how to end a conversation

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fleeced
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22 Aug 2014, 9:46 am

Have moved area which is great I don't know anyone I love anonymity but if someone does try to start a conversation with me I won't just ignore them.

A woman who lives on the same street has started chatting to me. I find it really awkward. I want to chat to seem friendly but find it hard to know how long a casual chat in the street should last and what to say when I want to get away. I've no idea when the chat has come to a natural end.

I'm the same when I visit someone which happens rarely. I wish they'd say I had to leave at a certain time because I don't know how long to stay. I get really uneasy thinking about whether I should be going yet.

Anyone else?


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22 Aug 2014, 9:53 am

I sometimes find it awkward to end conversations too. I get that kind of awkward silence. Then I just kind of go, "Okay, Bye"


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22 Aug 2014, 10:10 am

A pronounced lull in conversation from the person you're talking to is a good rule of thumb.
Also look for subtle signs of them losing interest in the conversation (e.g. responses becoming noticeably shorter and reduced contribution to the conversation, beginning to look around more, glancing at their watch or cell phone for the time, etc.).
I used to be totally oblivious to those signs.


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22 Aug 2014, 10:13 am

I have problems with this too. I kind of know in theory what to say, but I don't consistently manage to "pull it out of the bag" when put on the spot in the situation.

But some helpful things are stuff like saying, when there's a pause in the chat:

"Well, I'd better let you get on -- lovely talking to you!" (Nod and smile and move off toward where you were going.

"Well, time for my tea, see you around!"

Or make use of a topic she's been talking about, something like:

"Speaking of food, just off to the shops now and I better get cracking, you take care until next time!"

It usually works to start your sentence with the words "Well..." or "Anyway....I'd better (etc etc)"

"Well" and "anyway" tend to be words people start using to signal that the conversation is about to wrap up, if they are used after a pause in the chat and someone begins the next thing they're saying with one of those words.

Also the phrase "I'll let you go now" or "I'd better let you go/ let you get on" are good because they politely suggest it's you who have been keeping the person too long, even though you feel like it's them who are keeping hold of you too long!

Hope any of that helps.

.



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22 Aug 2014, 11:21 am

I tend to utilize the "major medical crisis" ploy to break away from a conservation. One I'm fond of is, "Oh, crap! I think my spleen just burst! I'm off to the ER. Talk to you later!"


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22 Aug 2014, 11:48 am

Another way to break off a conversation is just pretend that your cell phone is on vibrate and you're being called. Pretend to be talking on the phone about something important and the person you were trying to break contact with will usually move along.


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22 Aug 2014, 12:04 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
I have problems with this too. I kind of know in theory what to say, but I don't consistently manage to "pull it out of the bag" when put on the spot in the situation.

But some helpful things are stuff like saying, when there's a pause in the chat:

"Well, I'd better let you get on -- lovely talking to you!" (Nod and smile and move off toward where you were going.

"Well, time for my tea, see you around!"

Or make use of a topic she's been talking about, something like:

"Speaking of food, just off to the shops now and I better get cracking, you take care until next time!"

It usually works to start your sentence with the words "Well..." or "Anyway....I'd better (etc etc)"

"Well" and "anyway" tend to be words people start using to signal that the conversation is about to wrap up, if they are used after a pause in the chat and someone begins the next thing they're saying with one of those words.

Also the phrase "I'll let you go now" or "I'd better let you go/ let you get on" are good because they politely suggest it's you who have been keeping the person too long, even though you feel like it's them who are keeping hold of you too long!

Hope any of that helps.

.

I think this is some good advice and some good skills. Of course, just like anything, like good percentage baseball, it works some of the time and doesn't work some of the time, and that's okay, too.



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22 Aug 2014, 12:19 pm

I have the same problem. I just don't know when I'm allowed to go. I can often sense that the other person also wants to go but we are stuck with each other. I tend to get stuck in an awkward conversation where both want to end it and go but can't. I feel I must be causing it. I often use the usual, "well, I better let you go" to make it sound that I understand that the other person needs to go and I'm letting him/her go. The problem is I can't say it naturally and end up sounding like trying to force the conversation to end. It's so awkward. It must be my disability.



WhatHazard
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22 Aug 2014, 3:30 pm

I'm terrible at this, I never know when to end a conversation and I've tried most of the things people suggest in this thread and it still never looks like I said the right thing to the person, saying goodbye is awkward enough but it's even more awkward when you can't read people at all.



AmethystRose
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22 Aug 2014, 4:53 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
I tend to utilize the "major medical crisis" ploy to break away from a conservation. One I'm fond of is, "Oh, crap! I think my spleen just burst! I'm off to the ER. Talk to you later!"

LMAO.
I nominate this comment for the Hilariously Horrible Advice Award. :geek:



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22 Aug 2014, 4:56 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
I have problems with this too. I kind of know in theory what to say, but I don't consistently manage to "pull it out of the bag" when put on the spot in the situation.

But some helpful things are stuff like saying, when there's a pause in the chat:

"Well, I'd better let you get on -- lovely talking to you!" (Nod and smile and move off toward where you were going.

"Well, time for my tea, see you around!"

Or make use of a topic she's been talking about, something like:

"Speaking of food, just off to the shops now and I better get cracking, you take care until next time!"

It usually works to start your sentence with the words "Well..." or "Anyway....I'd better (etc etc)"

"Well" and "anyway" tend to be words people start using to signal that the conversation is about to wrap up, if they are used after a pause in the chat and someone begins the next thing they're saying with one of those words.

Also the phrase "I'll let you go now" or "I'd better let you go/ let you get on" are good because they politely suggest it's you who have been keeping the person too long, even though you feel like it's them who are keeping hold of you too long!

Hope any of that helps.

.

+1 :)



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22 Aug 2014, 4:58 pm

Duplicate post



Last edited by AmethystRose on 24 Aug 2014, 1:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

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22 Aug 2014, 6:41 pm

AmethystRose, I guess I should have posted it in my "Really Bad Advice" thread. Still, I'm not so sure it wouldn't be worth trying.


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22 Aug 2014, 7:07 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
AmethystRose, I guess I should have posted it in my "Really Bad Advice" thread. Still, I'm not so sure it wouldn't be worth trying.

I think that if someone followed that advice, there is definitely a chance they could make a friend for life -- but I think there's a bigger chance they'd alienate someone. So I guess the quality of that advice really depends on someone's goals and who they're talking to... XD



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23 Aug 2014, 3:25 am

Going to the bar or the toilet are always good ways of exiting a conversation.


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23 Aug 2014, 3:56 am

I easily end one when my train comes or I get off the bus or when I have to get back to work or when I have to be somewhere. Online I easily end one when I am getting off the computer.


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