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Moondust
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21 Aug 2014, 5:27 pm

There are 4 forms of The Unsaid. From the easiest for an aspie to decode and perform, to the hardest, they are:

A) Saying one thing for another

1. Hinting (with words and/or body language, actions) - when they don't want to be held responsible for having said a certain thing, yet they want you to get the message and act on it. Eg: "How long haven't we gone out for dinner?"

2. Indirect speech - when they want to plant an idea in your head and/or make you do something without you noticing you're being manipulated by them to do it. Eg general flattery, unrelated to the specific thing they want you to do.

B) Saying nothing

3. Trying to hide - what people don't say because they don't want you to know but unconsciously give away with words and/or body language and/or actions (eg blushing when telling a lie).

4. Hiding - what people don't say because they don't want you to know it, but for your own sake you'd better discover (eg your boss is interviewing to replace you).

It gets more complex when people use one of the 4 to mask another of the 4. Eg using hinting (method 1) to perform hiding (method 4). Eg your boss hinting job security so you are lulled into not sniffing he's interviewing to replace you. Concrete example: a positive review right before firing you ? a common occurrence.


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Moondust
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23 Aug 2014, 3:59 pm

Can someone explain verbally why I got no comments at all? I'm not good at the unsaid... :-)


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Janissy
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23 Aug 2014, 4:05 pm

:lol: The comments were left Unsaid :lol:

Ok, that was a terrible joke, but it was the first thing I thought of when seeing your comment.

Why no further discussion? It probably just got overshadowed by a handful of very active threads and sank since this is a very active thread. Maybe this bump will give another go-round.

All I can comment on is those are indeed 4 types of Unsaid. Maybe it is too uncontroversial to inspire much posting.



babybird
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23 Aug 2014, 4:13 pm

I'm always on the look out for what's hidden. I'm so paranoid.

I never fall for hints. I pretend I don't get it because I expect people to be direct.


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Moondust
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23 Aug 2014, 4:18 pm

Yes, all comments were left unsaid, it felt that way indeed.

babybird, I tend to do the same because I'm allergic to manipulation. But I know that it's considered rude in society to do it, and people take offense. :-)


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yellowtamarin
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23 Aug 2014, 10:38 pm

babybird wrote:
I never fall for hints. I pretend I don't get it because I expect people to be direct.

This seems to be getting me into a lot of (mild) trouble with my friends lately. I'm not sure if I am doing this more often or just chatting to people more often. But I have recently had a number of friends complain or comment that I don't get what they are saying and they have to reword things more directly (or I'll come to the wrong conclusion). But the truth is most of the time I am pretty sure I understand what they mean, but I pretend I don't so they will try to be more clear. That in itself is probably a cruel manipulation, but I feel kind of "dishonest" myself if I respond to what they MEAN rather than what they SAY...it doesn't sit well with me most of the time and I feel like I'm encouraging that sort of communication style, which I wouldn't want to do.



Meril
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24 Aug 2014, 8:56 pm

I just don't know what to say.



BeggingTurtle
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24 Aug 2014, 9:48 pm

I can never read anything unsaid. My verbal perception is most likely greater than my reading or facial perception because I am dyscalculic and most likely dyslexic.


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dianthus
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24 Aug 2014, 10:12 pm

I get a really uneasy feeling when a person is hinting at something, or lying or hiding something. It doesn't totally escape my notice that they are doing it, but I'm not always good at figuring out what it's about. Sometimes it dawns on me later.

Even when I know exactly what a person is really getting at, it is still hard to believe they are playing this game with me. It makes me feel confused.



olympiadis
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24 Aug 2014, 10:40 pm

Moondust wrote:
There are 4 forms of The Unsaid. From the easiest for an aspie to decode and perform, to the hardest, they are:

A) Saying one thing for another

1. Hinting (with words and/or body language, actions) - when they don't want to be held responsible for having said a certain thing, yet they want you to get the message and act on it. Eg: "How long haven't we gone out for dinner?"

2. Indirect speech - when they want to plant an idea in your head and/or make you do something without you noticing you're being manipulated by them to do it. Eg general flattery, unrelated to the specific thing they want you to do.

B) Saying nothing

3. Trying to hide - what people don't say because they don't want you to know but unconsciously give away with words and/or body language and/or actions (eg blushing when telling a lie).

4. Hiding - what people don't say because they don't want you to know it, but for your own sake you'd better discover (eg your boss is interviewing to replace you).

It gets more complex when people use one of the 4 to mask another of the 4. Eg using hinting (method 1) to perform hiding (method 4). Eg your boss hinting job security so you are lulled into not sniffing he's interviewing to replace you. Concrete example: a positive review right before firing you ? a common occurrence.



All deceptions and manipulations.