Sensory problems not being understood?

Post Reply New Topic

Nobody in my family is sympathetic or understanding when it comes to my sensory issues. It always comes down to "You're just not being tolerable enough and you need work on it." They act as if I make an active decision to respond adversely to certain noises/sensations.

I really hate the sensation of forced cool air on my skin. It has nothing to do with the temperature and only the fact that it is uncomfortable. Sometimes when I walk into a room and ask the person with the fan controller to turn it off, they will flat out deny my request saying that it doesn't make sense to have to turn it off. Other times I'll be told that "Oh, but you're wearing a sweatshirt." This ignores that my legs will still feel the air and that I've told them many many times that it has nothing to do with temperature.

Another of my biggest issues is with the sound of dishes. Dishes clanking when they're being washed, put away, etc. The sound nearly brings me to tears. I don't see why it's a difficult thing to just wash them when I'm not in the room. Sure, I could simply leave the room and have no problem doing so, but my mother also likes to complain about the fact that I don't spend enough quality time. The only place in-home to spend quality time is the kitchen/family room and that's where all of my sensory nightmares are. So why would you not be accommodating if you're in such an uproar about me not spending time with you when I don't want to in the first place, but then going out of my way to do so?

Actually, my family just doesn't understand me on any level and are about as NT as they come. I hate spending time with them as a whole and I'm tired of hearing complaints about how they wish to see more of me even though we both are miserable when time is spent together. I do not understand why they want to be with me so badly when all I supposedly do is bring them down.

All of the problems they have with me are the same problems that I am also dealing with and I think they forget that the problems are affecting me as a whole a lot more than they affect them in any sort of indirect way. Sometimes I feel like they just carry the mindset of "If you just try hard enough, you won't be autistic anymore", because they are all issues stemming from AS. I went kind of OT here from my original intent with the post, but I figured why not mesh a rant in with my main problem, eh?

It sucks to not be understood by your family. However, it sounds like there are ways you could take charge of your own comfort and be less distressed about it. Like putting on jeans if your bare legs can't handle the fan, or excusing yourself from the kitchen for a while when the dishes are getting done (you may find the noise bothers you less if you are the one actually DOING the dishes, so maybe volunteer to take over that task. I know I can tolerate the noise better if I am the one running the vacuum cleaner, for instance.) Try to learn all the skills of independent living you can so that you can have your own place one day, with NO FANS.

Yes, but I still have a face, feet, and hands that are exposed. It's not as though the room is too hot without it on either. As for the dishes, I feel like it's just a matter of them not being considerate to me. They know that I can't handle the sound, yet they start them when I am in the room with no warning. There is no "Hey, we need to get the dishes done so you might want to scoot." I would scramble at those words without hesitation or complaint. They act surprised when yet again the dishes upset me for the 100th+ time in my life.

I understand what you mean and it really sucks. My soft ear plug/ear defender combination have been a life saver for me in the house. You might try that. I can still hear people talking with them so it works. It might also be worth your while to offer to do the dishes yourself. Then you can do them in a quiet way and you will be doing something that helps your mother and she can spend quality time with you as you help her. Also long pants are an easy compromise to feeling the air on your legs. I despise the feel of air on my skin unless it's a strong wind or breeze. then I love it, but those super light blows of air really freak. If someone blows on me I want to a hit them. But hopefully those options can work for you.

People who don't have sensory sensitivities will NEVER understand. I have had to learn that. Fortunately my husband and brother are the two people whom I spend the most time with and they both try to be as accommodating as they can with me but they still don't really understand. It's hard for my husband especially because he loves to touch me in ways that are super difficult for me to tolerate but since I am his wife he should be able to touch me like that. I try to understand his need, which is as difficult to understand and foreign for me as my sensitivities and quirks are foreign and hard to understand for him. So I let him touch me as much as I am able to but sometimes I just have to say no if I just can't take it anymore. We both do our best to be sensitive to the needs of the other though so sometimes I just put up with it. But he really tries as well.

My brother also tries to be careful what music he plays when I am at his house or in his car with him and he tries to pick music that we both like. My husband makes efforts like that too. Fortunately both of my guys have music that they really like that I love as well so that works out.

Finding solutions that work for both of you is the way to go. We can't expect them to really understand and sometimes we have to make the effort to change our environment. I think long pants and you offering to do the dishes along with ear plugs and ear defenders would be a good start.

I know that it's not fair that we have to make most of the adjustments but that's just life and we can either complain and be bitter about or make simple adjustments when we can and have some relief.

Can you sit in just outside of the living room away from the air flow but where you can still participate in conversations? Maybe that could be an option. If they complain that you are not in the room with them then just say that that is the compromise. You can either be in the room with the fan off or just outside of the room in hearing distance. They can choose which option of the two. I had to do that the other day. I had to fill out some paperwork at a shop. I could not tolerate the music in the shop. I told the girl she could bring me the paper outside and I would fill it out there. She said she could not do that. I looked straight at her and firmly held my ground. I said, "I have Asperger's and Misophonia, you can either turn the music off while I am in the store or bring me the paper out here." She brought me the paper outside.

Yeah that's an option. Thanks.

You are very welcome. I guess one of the good things about our sensitivities is that they do make us creative!

When my head is pounding because of the loud TV, my father would say. "Just take some Ibprofen."

People think you can just get over it. Like it is no buggy deal. It has turned me into a very blank person sometimes. I just shut down, disassociate myself, and let them bring on the abuse (only it is not abuse, it's just you). They ask me what's wrong and stuff. There is nothing wrong. I'm not really there.

You cannot expect them to understand, or listen. It is like trying to see color on a black and white T.V.

I know exactly how you feel regarding sensory issues being misunderstood as willful obstinacy. It would be eye-opening for someone without these issues to step into our skin at those moments we are about to come out of ours! Even if that were possible, we would still have to come up solutions and compromises.

Previous posts mentioned wearing long pants or stepping outside the room, but what about just keeping a soft, cozy throw (blanket), a sweater, or anything you can quickly toss over exposed skin? Chances are, there is something like that in the room already.

As for the dishes, you'd probably be a rock star if you offered to clean them yourself, since everyone appreciates a hand with chores. As mentioned, the control you have when doing a task yourself can change the way you percieve it, not to mention you can do the task your way, so as to minimize the irritating noise.

As a previous poster suggested, if the noise still bothers you when you are doing it yourself, try earplugs to dampen the sound while still being able to hear people talking.

Have you tried headphones? I work with children with autism, and we place headphones around the classroom so they can easily pop on a pair when overwhelmed.

Another idea (I'm working on trying this myself) is to make a recording of the offending sound, and play it back in a continuous loop when you are relaxed in order to desensitize yourself to it. I am trying to figure out a way to make a continuous loop of a family member's chronic morning coughing & repetitive knuckle cracking, and of the vocal fry of another family member's voice (if anyone has ideas how to do this, please share!).

I hope you find some solutions that work for you. And if you do, please let us know!! !