Almost 27.. feeling 'stuck'

Post Reply New Topic

I am at that period of the year again.. soon i will have another birthday without anyone other than my parents caring.

About 10 years ago, i started this silly 'quest' to someday have friends and stuff like that. To improve myself and constantly learn & adapt. To keep patching myself up so someday i can be human version 0.99 instead of 0.7. It really felt like i was data from star trek in some ways

To be honest, i have failed at completely everything.

My social life sucks,
i only have 1 friend who only get to see maybe once every 4 weeks because you know, she has kids and is busy too and she lives quite far away. This friendship feels mostly one sided like it has always been for me.

I find myself really in between 2 worlds.
One part of me wants to keep trying to find friends and end this cruel loneliness. I too long for a relationship, kids etc.

However, the other part wants to throw in the towel and just live in my own world. I just want to keep working and keep living with my parents because i dont really like 'change' in my living situation. I am like a wolf.. my family is my pack where i belong to, and i dont want that to change. The idea that someday (in about 20 years or so..) they will be gone foregood and the house will all be empty really scares me.


I am really aware of my strengths and weaknesses.
It feels like i cant make people happy in a relationship as who i am. I need several days to recharge when i visit a girlfriend in the weekends.. and i get a bit angry when i get unexpected phonecalls when i get home because i just dont know how to smalltalk. I dont really need sex either.. i mean, its enjoyable, but i dont walk behind my dick all day like normal people at my age.

I get really upset when my friend and my parents keep trying to push me into dating. I guess there must be a biological clock for guys too. Not that we have hormone issues.. but society pushes us.

I just dont know what to do anymore in my life. I mean, i have a good job and i function well. I really want to fix the loneliness. I want friends who cares about me too, even when i get to see them once every 4 weeks.. because you know, i have my limits in social situations too, i dont like a phonecall on a daily basis.

It is nice to know people care about you, but it has been SO long since i started searching for it and i did not get any results, ever!

In more than 10 years of searching, i have only found manipulative, lying and deceiving behaviour in humans. I have been ridiculed, kicked out of groups while being very generous to everybody, etc.
I am about to throw in the towel and just stop trying to fit in, caring, analyzing and adapting to this strange digusting world.
Anyone who can relate to this?

Where have you gone to look for friends? Maybe you have just looked in the wrong places. Try joining some kind of church or social activity, or do some volunteer work. Even if you don't make close friends you will have regular human contact and people to talk to.

If you haven't already, you can try meetup.com. It's a great way to meet like-minded people.

I can relate to that. I tried but I only found out that the only people that seek me are those that need something from me. I don't live with my parents and siblings. So I'm completely alone. And the idea that my parents will eventually be gone really scares me. Well, I will still have my siblings.

I have kind of given up. Loneliness used to be overwhelming and depressing but somehow I seem to have adapted to it now. I actually enjoy spending time alone. I don't rule out having a close friend in the future but I won't go out of my way to try and find one. If it happens, it's nice, but if not, I'm fine with that, too.

So, I think you can probably stop actively trying really hard to find a friend. That doesn't necessarily mean you'll never have one. As someone suggested, you could join some groups (maybe something to do with a hobby) without too much expectation. Just be a nice person as you have always been. Some good like-minded people will probably appreciate you.

I turned 27 earlier this year, and I find myself in a situation similar to yours, Suncatcher. I have gone through a very lonely period after I left secondary school and moved from my hometown to the big city; after a couple of years living as a social recluse, I attempted to find like-minded individuals to maybe make friends with at different venues; I tried a couple of hobby clubs based around my interests, I tried a language course, I tried a monthly autistic meet-up, and even though I did meet some interesting folks there (and also a lot of not-so-interesting folks), nothing seemed to last long enough. By 2011 and age 24, I had 2 acquaintances whom I saw every so many weeks. That was it, my social life. At leats, if you don't count my relatives, but I don't have that good a rapport with them either.

I am always awkward at work, I hardly socialize with my co-workers, and during the lunch breaks I prefer to sit alone with a book. Living a solitary life with no real social circle is sometimes difficult for me, and it hurts a little bit, but I've tried to settle for it and come to the conclusion that maybe it's just not for me. That doesn't mean I'm completely closed off from any possible friendships or romance in the future; I recently met a nice girl in my hometown, and next time I see her, I'm planning to ask if she'd be interested in hanging out.

But otherwise, no. It's never too late to try and build a social life. I also feel like I've failed myself in a lot of ways. I failed to get into university and procure a job that ties into my interests. I'm now working at a warehouse, and I'm actually enjoying it plenty.
Like you, I've also experienced that a lot of people can be manipulative, back-stabbing, superficial, etc. etc. But I try not to let it get me down because I am looking after myself. I try to love myself even if most everybody else seems to look down on me or wants to avoid me. I just stopped caring about trying to justify myself, because I only really have to answer to myself at the end of the day.

So don't feel bad about yourself, try to count your blessings. You have a job and you're doing okay with it; in these harsh economical times there are a lot of people who can't say that about themselves. I also count my blessings whenever I get in a dark mood.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I did become a member of a photography club, but it mostly consists of people who just bought a camera and i dont feel a connection with anyone..story of my life. My skills with photography are not anything special, but when it comes to knowledge with how stuff works, i really am much further than most people in the photography club.
When i go to meetings no one really talks to me and i have no idea what to talk to them about.

I do know that i dont really have much to complain. I do have a job, loving parents. Alot of people are in a worse situation right now.

Maybe you are right, i really should stop this 'quest' to fit in and get friends. Maybe it is me trying too hard to scares people away. Similar to back when i was 18, i really wanted a girlfriend and i could not get any because i was trying to hard. It might be possible that my generousness does not do me any good to socialising either.

Learn to accept yourself.

I never really wanted a relationship I just wanted to fit in and everybody else had a relationship.

I now know I am on the Autistic Spectrum and I am starting to do things to make myself happy not fit in.

One thing I learned before I knew about the spectrum or that I was on it.

If I have no confidence in myself how the Hell do I expect other people to have confidence in me.

There are things I can do really well and there are things I can not really do at all.

I have learned to have confidence in what I can do and I have started to learn to let go of the things I can't do.