Over Explaning things and other issues.

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Morning Gang,

Something has been on my mind which is starting to really annoy me, My father has a tendency to over explain his actions to me I give an example: He'll say something like I'm going out for a while I'm going to pick up peanut butter coffee food drinks and maybe stop at [insert name of store here]. To me at least I just want him to get to the point which would be "I'm going out". I don't need/want to hear his whole plans likewise at the end of the day He'll tell me I'm going to my room I'll be listening to music and writing something then practicing on the drums then watch TV and go to sleep at this point I'm like yea whatever tho I normally give my default reply OK and leave it at that.

I don't know why he feels the need to over explain his actions to me. Instructions are one thing because I am actually *doing* something that I may not know how to but if I am sitting here reading posts on WP or on various FB pages I could really care less if he's going to watch TV or read or write.

Is there's something wrong with me?! Is it my Autism that makes me not care if he's going to do xyz but want him to get to the point of things without having to explain things or rationalize things.

Also just so that I don't have to make another post about these issues, My father also has a bad habit of calling out to me from the other side of the house or walking past my door asking me a question and expecting me to answer him as if I can hear him he also expects me to shout back to like a Neanderthal,

I told him a few times that I don't like to yell out my answers and that if he want's to talk with me he can ask me to walk over to him or he could walk over to my door failing that he could call or text me I hate to yell out my conversation(s) to which he replied oh phuck you!

So I am truly wondering if perhaps I am the one at fault here am I being too sensitive is it my Autism showing it's colors again is this normal NT behavior?

Anybody have any advice?

He's an Aspie

I've a tendency to agree with syzygyish's appraisal.

My aspie husband does this and it drives me mad. I just do NOT care about the detail and he cannot pick up the non-verbal cues that I'm not interested and if I say "that's enough" or interrupt with "ok" to stop him from going on about whatever it is he gets upset.

My wife always says: "I don't need to know the history of x, just tell me how x is relevant to our present situation."

^^^ Agree

Oh wow - you just described almost to the T how I used to be yelled at at the coffee shop I worked at! That's exactly how I would describe it in my head too - being expected to yell back to them like a caveman!

It was like this - I'd be on counter, taking a customer's order, and sometimes the customer changed their mind mid-order, or wanted their sandwich made a bit differently than standard i.e. no tomato, etc. So I'd swap/change the item how they wanted, but the girl on Soup & Sandwich would be fast and would start making the order as soon as it came on the screen, so the item would be made before the customer changed their mind on how it was to be modified.. and the S & S girls (they each did this to me over time) would yell from like 25 feet away a question and I'd be expected to just yell back. This was a restaurant folks - excuse me but I thought it was uncouth & uncivilized to have to yell like that when people are trying to eat, and the customer in front of me is 2 feet away

The one day I actually got called into the office and got talked to about this, because one day I'd had enough and walked over to the Soup station and as calmly as I could told the girl that I had been ignoring her yelled questions because I didn't think it was professional or well-mannered to have to yell back & forth and that I absolutely *cannot* listen to 2 people at once. She must have tattled on me as next thing I'm being questioned in the office - by this time I was fuming mad and told the supervisor that I would not be catering to this nonsense one more time and that the girls would just have to walk their lazy buns over to me and ask the question quietly to me. They tried arguing but I refused to budge. They tried to make me be the one to walk back & forth but I said "no, she's the one who wants her question answered, she has to come over to me! I have fibromyalgia, she doesn't!" and that I could start to consider it discrimination to try to make the person with fibromyalgia do something that someone else could do easily. I said "go ahead, write me up, I won't sign it". From that point on, I ignored them unless they walked up to me to talk.

ETA: I can't believe how your father talks to you

I agree that he is probably an Aspie. He's telling you all that detail because it's important to him not because he thinks it's important to you, and I bet you've done the same thing to him without realizing it but just with different things.

The yelling across the house thing really annoys me too, and that one is actually shared with NTs -- my mom would always yell to me from the bottom of the stairs and then get mad at me when I wouldn't hear her properly or not be able to yell loud enough for her to hear. I would always ask her why she can't just come up the stairs and knock on my door. It just boils down to laziness.

Hey guys just got back from a day of classes I'm a lil tired of this thread goes on I apologize. OK I don't think he is an aspie or have any traits that are indicative of ASD so I think I can rule that out but that still leaves the question why he rambles on I'm sure there's something else but dunno what


little_blue_jay, Sad to say yea that's how he talks to me thankfully it's not often but I'm numb same goes with his apologies, He apologies and yet a week or two later it happens again I just go with my stand by response OK or that's fine. In fact I make it a point not to drive him anywhere anymore because he has a tendency to side seat drive or make his decision to have me turn off at the last minute or want to go somewhere where I didn't have plans to go and get kinda pissy about it (not tantrum but mouthy) if I chose not to go anywhere else.

What's kinda sad is I'm perhaps the only person whom cares about him he's got health issues so I live with him even my NT brother says I should stop worrying about him as much as I do. but yet he (father) unleashes his verbal venom on me.

His father did it to him now he's doing it to me so that's one reason why I'm choosing not to have children even tho the thought of me having a son would be the proudest moment in my life I just want to break the circle.

<Sighs> so how was everybody's day?

Hey JoelFan,

I know your dad irritates you--but he is your dad. I hope he's not mean to you; if he isn't, I'd cut him a little slack. He might be the type of guy that just likes to tell you what he's doing--at least he's honest about it.

I'm just the opposite: I don't like telling people what I'll be doing. I just do it.

I'll say: "I'm going out now--you want anything?" I wouldn't say where I'm going.

Many people who are not autistic share some traits with people who are not autistic. One of them is this tendency to need to complete.

He is probably a little bored and a little lonely and detailing these things is a way of trying to share a little bit of his experience of life with you.

Maybe if you spent some time with him doing something you both find interesting, he would no longer feel the need to list all this trivia at you.

Or maybe he is a bit compulsive and this is his quirk. If so, try to tune it out and be patient. If you want people to be tolerant and accepting of your quirks, you have to reciprocate as much as possible.

I do deal with I have never called him out on the rambling the only thing I have called him out on was the fact that he walks away from me when he talks or he shouts out to me and expects me to yell back

You know that's the way Lawn Guyland people are, right? LOL

Seriously, I wouldn't like people to be like that, either.

I dunno we're ex New Jersey and I thought it was pronounced Lung Island

Nope...definitely Lawn Guyland if you're a true Lawn Guylander. It's the New York City accent extended eastward. Come to "the city" sometime, listen to how cops "tawk." That's the Lawn Guyland accent. "The City," to a Lawn Guylander, is Manhattan. If you're going to Queens, you say you're going to Queens.

If you're from Jersey--unless you're from Essex/Hudson/maybe Bergen counties (for the most part), you probably don't have the NYC accent.

JoelFan, I wonder if your dad gives adds all these details because somehow he has formed a belief that this might make someone on the spectrum feel more secure and less anxious? Maybe he read somewhere that someone's offspring got upset if they didn't know everything their parent was going to be doing while out of their sight, and he has thought that might apply to you too, not realizing of course that it doesn't and you don't need or want a step-by-step account of his plans?

It's just something that crossed my mind when I read your OP. He might be under a mistaken impression that telling you all this makes you feel more comfortable. He might even be relieved to hear that you don't need every detail, and it's okay to stop. Perhaps you could sort of lightheartedly tell him that.

.

Mmm never thought of it like that, that's a different angle could maybe that's the case either way I'm not going to get on his case about it I'll just continue to say ok and leave it as is

kraftiekortie,

{quote="kraftiekortie"] If you're from Jersey--unless you're from Essex/Hudson/maybe Bergen counties (for the most part), you probably don't have the NYC accent.[/quote]

I've been told I have a very thick Jersey accent with a hint of New York I.E saying Hot Dawg=Hot Dog Wadda=Water Yeas=Years. Which is kinda funny because I've been in south for a handful of years and have yet (knock on wood) develop a southern drawl