Anniversary "surprise" for Aspie spouse - bad idea

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We recently moved, and my Aspie husband has mentioned that he doesn't feel right in his new home office. We brainstormed and realized that the built in bookshelves looked a little cluttery - so I went out and bought shelving and a file cabinet for inside the closet and installed those. He hasn't moved anything into the closet yet, so I'm not sure that was the issue. It could just be that it's new and he hasn't yet adapted. However, one of the things that I notice about it is that the walls badly need to be painted. They're white - very DIRTY white - with holes (which I've now filled with spackle/sanded) and hand prints (that I've tried my best to clean) but never the less, the room looks very unappealing to me for this reason.

Our anniversary is coming up - I was thinking of surprising him by painting the room for him while he is at work. He does NOT like bright colors (in his own personal space). If he picks clothing for himself (other than blue jeans) it's always heather grey/black. I was thinking of going with a very light grey. I really think it will look SO much better. I've mentioned painting to him before and he didn't get excited - but even he admits he is NOT a visual person and he can never "picture" how something will look until it's done. Then, he admits, he often likes the change.

So, the real question is: surprise him with a paint color he will like in his office? Bad idea? Invasion of space? Would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks.

Could go either way. I hate it when my wife decides to spring clean my office and tidies everything up so I can't find anything again. She does the same in the garage with all my tools and bits of wood, metal, bolts, screws etc. At first I dislike the change, but it generally grows on me. Then I can gradually get things all untidy again (but still knowing where everything is). So my guess isn't very helpful, he's either love it or hate it outright or hate it and gradually get used to it. He may also have issues with you changing his space / sanctuary.

I would talk to him about it. I don't know how he is affected by it because every aspie is different but I think you should consult him first before you do it. Is he good with surprises or does it depend? Does he want his office painted and would he like it done without notice?

If you want to surprise him, I would tape some paint swatches to the wall and let him know that you would like to paint. You can put different shades of swatches that you think he might like and let him choose what is most soothing to him. That way you have the sweet surprise, yet it is not a permanent change and you can see how different shades or colors might look in the room and how they might make him feel. And it's free so if he does not like the room painted you have not lost a lot of money. Good paint is not cheap.

+2

Yep-- Go with the paint swatches. Absolutely.

I can't speak for all of Aspiedom, but I HATE surprises. First I have to blindly guess the correct response, and I know I'm going to cause trouble if I'm too happy/not happy enough/don't make the right expressions of gratitude. Then there's the whole "adjust to change thing," which can throw off the necessary correct response no matter how much I like it (or will like it when I get used to it).

Then, at least with me, there are a couple more problems. One, now I must reciprocate the surprise, or else I am a selfish taker. And I'm even worse at thinking of surprises than I am at receiving them. Two, I'm completely and totally insecure, and expend a great deal of energy being constantly vigilant for failures and mistakes. So I'd be wondering, "Did you do this because I didn't do a good enough job at it? Did you do this because I complained too much?? Do you resent me now??? Are you going to be mad if I'm not effusively grateful enough???? OH GOD!! !! !"

Paint swatches, however-- GREAT IDEA.

I'd be glad that my wife doesn't make ME paint the room LOL....

Seriously, the Swatches are a good idea, as stated by the previous posters.

Aspie or not, you shouldn't do it without asking. He may not like the color. Then he'll either have to live with a color he doesn't like (annoying him towards you every day), or have it repainted with a waste of time/money.

At the very least, be prepared not to get upset if he decides to repaint it.

I agree with everyone else: go with the paint swatches. If someone came in and repainted my room, I'd freak out. I even freaked out a little bit when my dad and his girlfriend repainted their kitchen. It was a disturbing change to the wall colour I'd known since I was a kid. I'm used to it now, but it threw me off a little when they first did it.

Since it is your anniversary, once you pick a color together you could even have a little romantic room painting date together as well. Prepare his favorite meal and once you have painted the room together have a little candlelight dinner picnic in it if he can stand the smell of the paint.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions! I am seeing this overwhelming vote for paint swatches, so I will go with that. I hope he lets me paint, because that is my ONLY idea for an anniversary gift. The man literally does not enjoy having belongings, so he is TOUGH to get gifts for.

Thanks all!