I had a VERY off day...

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Sometimes it seems like I get to a point where anything causes me anxiety. Literally anything, including things I like to do normally. I was like that earlier today, and still to a lesser extent I am right now.

Some of you may have seen my posts about getting kicked out and being homeless for a little while; I talked to my grandparents yesterday and they agreed that I should not be made to feel unwelcome, and that maybe they were a bit too strict with their expectations while I was here before, so they allowed me to come back to stay as long as I am working at becoming independent. So this is good

I would think that would make me less stressed. But today around noon, I was needing to bring in all my stuff in from my car, and for some reason just the thought of doing it was stressing me out a lot, to the point that just that task alone took me hours, and I'm still only like halfway done. I kept distracting myself with other things and would occasionally stop to force myself to go get more of my stuff, but would soon after think of something that was in my mind more important than this, and I'd get sidetracked again. During that time, even things that normally make me feel better, like music and singing, seemed to be annoying to me. I didn't like any of the songs coming up on my iPod and I kept skipping them. I also couldn't sing along because for some reason the effort it took was too much and was bothering me. The only thing I wanted to do was hit things and yell in frustration, even though there was nothing to be frustrated about really.

I think it is worsened by my ADD, and possibly also the medication I take for it (Adderall). I just started taking the extended release kind instead of the instant release today, so maybe I am not used to it yet; one listed side effect is agitation. But still, the things that were agitating me weren't even something a normal person would ever consider annoyances to begin with, let alone have them cause so much stress that they wanted to flap their hands and punch their bed and yell. Is it normal to have days like this? Because I definitely don't have days like this all the time, though they would happen occasionally in the past. I can never figure out what is causing it when it happens, but the fact that it is pretty infrequent makes me wonder if there is some common factor that I just can't figure out.

IMHO, you should seriously consider seeing your pdoc ASAP and either adjust the dosage or titrate off it and onto a different drug. my experience with frontal lobe stimulants is that only one, Strattera, did not make me cross and yet was able to keep me both relaxed yet alert.

That may be a good idea; problem is I already just saw him yesterday, that's when I suggested I be put on the XR version instead. The reason is partially because of this, it feels like when it starts to wear off that it sometimes makes me like how I described, not usually to that extent though. I was thinking maybe with the XR since it is more of a slow release that the comedown would also not be as bad, but if this was totally caused by the Adderall then I was definitely wrong about that. I'm just thinking maybe I should try it a bit longer before I talk to the doctor about it; I could even just call the pharmacist and get his opinion on it, though I may have to wait until Monday now for that anyway.

I don't usually feel like I have problems with a change in environment or even moving like some seem to, but maybe I just never realized that I was getting stressed out as a result of those things and thought it was unrelated. I don't recall if I ever got like this around times when I've moved. But what does seem to happen is that I have a very hard time with large tasks that are really a collection of smaller tasks. It's too much and I don't know where to start, it is a feeling of dread; I find it very hard to force myself to do it anyway when I get this feeling, even if I start I find a distraction. But this has always been a problem, just usually I don't feel so tense and irritated about things like I did today. I even forgot to eat, I didn't eat a single thing all day until I'd been awake for 7 or 8 hours; not because I wasn't hungry, but I couldn't even think clearly enough to notice I needed food. I've been on WP most of the day today, for some reason reading and replying to posts was the only thing that wasn't bothering me.

yes, I find that WP relaxes me also, it is almost like a drug. have you thought about trying GABA? that is an OTC nutritional supplement that has many here on WP saying nice things about how it relaxes yet focuses their thinking. my own form of therapy [until my back went out on my ] was vigorous daily exercise and proper nutrition. breakfast is VERY IMPORTANT! there is an old saying, eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner/supper like a peasant.

Also, the Adderall does help usually, as long as I have gotten enough sleep. I seem to always have this comedown to some degree when it does help. On the days that I was too tired and it only served to keep me awake, I don't usually feel a difference later, other than I get tired; no agitation whatsoever. When it helps, however, it seems to only help me in that my mind feels clear, unemotional, and much more efficient as far as my ability to analyze (which is pretty good considering I normally am very good at analysis anyway). It doesn't always make me very alert or attentive, though; I feel like I am pretty consistently stuck inside my thoughts, they block everything out, whether or not I'm on the medication.

It is kind of annoying in that regard, because my ability to analyze and understand new knowledge doesn't help much in my life currently; what would help is attentiveness, attention to detail, better short-term memory, increased motivation. And I don't seem to get any of that from taking the medication, whereas many people talking about Adderall online would say that they do see improvement in all these areas when they have taken it. But I must have ADD, because otherwise the medication wouldn't clear my head, it would speed it up way too much and cause me more problems. It is really starting to bug me, because I don't know what my problem is. I'm wondering if autism would really affect my abilities enough to where I don't even notice a change in most of my ADD symptoms, because even with them gone the autism still makes it just as bad.

you might wanna google dr. Daniel Amen MD - he is a psychiatrist who has done much study of ADD and has found there are at least 7 different kinds which each respond to different treatments.

I have never heard of it to be honest. I could look into it I suppose.

My job takes care of the vigorous exercise part, any more of that and I'd probably start to lose weight. I do find it hard to get good meals in though, especially breakfast, as it requires me to get up earlier, and also to have a plan of what to eat. It is very hard for me to wake up with enough time to even get to work on time, let alone give me enough time to get a good breakfast. On top of that, I often forget to eat or simply don't eat much because it is extremely hard for me to shift my focus from whatever I am doing long enough to eat something balanced and substantial. If I didn't have a full time job these things would be much easier, but right now keeping the job is my main focus, and it is pretty stressful. I just try to eat at least something for breakfast, even if it's small, and then have as big of a lunch and dinner as I can so I don't start losing weight again (the month before last, I lost 5 pounds, which put me just below the acceptable range).

planning the day before, what you wanna do the next day, is critical here. before you retire for the night it would be a good idea if you planned on paper or ipad or whatever you use nowadays, down to the last detail, what you will do. that includes making your meals in advance so you don't have to do any more worrying or thinking about it other than taking it outta the fridge and nuking it and eating it and being done with it. in the mornings it also is hard for me to get all my breakfast ducks in a row so if it is made in advance that is one less thing to worry about. but your brain needs fuel to work with and skipping breakfast puts a monkey wrench in that.

The problem I have with planning is that I spend so long doing it, and if something even small goes wrong or doesn't work out in the plan it gives me the exact feeling I was describing; dread is really the best word to describe it. I don't call it anxiety because that kind of implies I'm worrying about something specific, whereas I can't usually explain what it is that is causing the feeling, I just don't feel good at all and I don't know how to deal with it at that point. All I know is that I dread doing basically anything; sometimes I can do an activity that is enjoyable at least, other times I can't even do that, and it is so frustrating because I can't even understand it myself, let alone explain it.

the next time you see your Pdoc I would mention all these things again.

Unfortunately that will be probably over a month from now. I was just hoping I could maybe figure out what it was that causes me to feel like this so maybe I could find some way to cope with it myself. It seems that it's just because I get overwhelmed by too many thoughts or too many tasks to do, but it also seems like the Adderall sometimes amplifies this, which is very frustrating because other times it helps a lot, and I don't know what causes the inconsistency.

Edit: By the way, I'm sorry if I'm coming across as not very receptive. I still have this feeling of dread and agitation right now, and I think it may be coming across in some of my responses. I realized something else though, it seems like the doctor actually changed my dosage a bit which could also be my problem. Either that or the pharmacy made a mistake. Because I know I told him this amount was right and so I wanted to get the equivalent dosage of the XR. With the XR I am pretty sure that it releases half at first, and then after about 4 hours releases the other half. I was originally on 20 mg IR, which seemed to be the most helpful; less would be more likely to make me like this, very agitated. I never tried more, but I don't like the idea of taking a large amount of a stimulant. Anyway, my XR bottle says they are 30 mg capsules, which means that I'm actually getting only 15 mg when it releases initially and another 15 later. It isn't a huge difference but maybe that's why. But annoyingly enough, our next appointment to discuss how it's going with them is not for 3 months, so I'd need to set up a whole new appointment which will still probably be over a month away because he gets booked very fast. And I'm pretty sure I can't just ask the pharmacy to give me a different dosage, especially not a higher one with a stimulant med.

Last edited by L_Holmes on 13 Sep 2014, 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

ultimately it is your body, and if you suspect the adderal is not helping as much as you would like, bend the doc's ear about it. when it was me, I titrated myself off of the stimulants when they made me cross, and had to learn to cope in other ways with the under-functioning frontal lobes, at least until I could get onto the Strattera. the sign of a frontal lobe stimulant's effectiveness in ADD is if you are MORE relaxed and NOT LESS relaxed when taking it.

Yes, I would think so; I wish that's the effect it always had on me. I guess I've just been hoping that it was a temporary side effect and that eventually it would go away as I got used to the medication. And honestly I can't say for sure it wouldn't go away, because I haven't been very consistent with the doses and getting enough sleep; I even stopped taking it entirely for a few weeks recently, which doesn't help me get used to it very much I'm sure. I also know for a fact that I should cut out caffeine but I haven't done a very good job of that, so I have probably caused part of the problem to be honest.

you DON'T want to take caffeine AND speed at the same time!

Yeah... doing that is probably what causes me to feel tingly and have a pounding heart, and shortness of breath.

am glad you mentioned that. live and learn.