Good or bad thing to do?

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Is making someone with aspergers 'try' and fit into society a good or bad thing to?

For instance my family are making me 'try and fit in' with society and be 'normal' by making me work and have a job.

WTF are you talking about?

That would be the main and ONLY thing for them to do in most cases. Unless the aspie has other issues on top of aspergers

Unless you have the means to support yourself for the rest of your life, you kind of have to. There is not much choice in that. You don't have to be forced to fit into every single aspect of society, like no one would ever force me to have to endure a crowded, busy club scene, but they have to do their best to ensure that you will be able to manage when they can no longer take care of you and the more you can do for yourself the better off you will be.

Whoa there, preparing you with the tools to be able to support yourself when they are no longer available to is hardly trying to make you "normal".

When I was younger there was only one way to go....forward.

No one knew about Asperger or much about autism, so it was seclusion (private or governmental) if your folks thought you were "weak minded" or you just did the best you could. I think of it now (life at that time), as running into a wall, with all your strength, over-and-over again. Although I mostly got hurt and broken (in various ways), there were successes. I found a woman who loved me the way I was; we raised two children; I voluntarily retired from my last job, etc.

Some people looking at my life might say I could have done better, and in some ways I agree. But I don't know anyone who, using their 20/20 hindsight, couldn't think this of themselves or anyone.

My advise: Don't ever give up.

It's a good tool if you can have it for optional use. And as you age, your options might narrow and you might be glad to be able to use it.

I was Dx'd at 57yo after a career of job after job after job after job ... and so on. I got fired a lot. But I supported myself, which was just as well after my parents died. Working was hell - but nobody taught me any skills. I wish somebody had at least told me to laugh when everybody else laughs, cry with the others, smile all the time, and never sigh. That much would have helped a lot.

After my Dx I did a lot of research and I was absolutely enraged when I read that somebody like me should never be asked to go to school or work without an advocate. Well, yeah! Fine time to tell me.

But they couldn't have done anything anyway - asperger's wasn't in the DSM until 1994 - when I was 44. And even now, they're helping children, not adults. I've seen a child who was taught social skills from age 3 and I don't resent it any more - she's going to have a normal life.

Once I knew I was ASD, I reclaimed stimming and all sorts of stuff for doing at home. I don't think I could have told the office. Brave new world, my foot.

So - if you can learn an optional social skill, go for it, that's my take on it. But only my opinion.

Well...

Let me redo my reply.

Its probably really the other way around: your parents arent making you work so you fit in (just for the sake of fitting in). They want you to fit in enough so that you will be able to hold down a job-so you can eventually be independant. Its not like they are trying to magically turn you into an NT.

Is it right?

What other option IS there?

Aspies should be given free million-dollar homes and unlimited spending cash. Also, people should be forced to be our friends.

It's kind of the "when in Rome do like the Romans" thing.

Doesn't change who you are. It becomes kind of a balancing thing - work to get money so you have money to live your personal life the way you want. You'll probably have to bite your tongue at work- NT's do the same too (the count to three thing before speaking can work wonders).

I am here long enough to know taking a strong stand on this subject one way or the other is opening a can of worms.


I only got my ASD diagnosis early last year.

I am 40 now I started my working life at 17 and was fired four times and I quit a couple of jobs too.

I got a job at 23 that lasted for 13 years until it closed I got on well with the work aspect and the management but I was badly bullied.

I am now in a job I like and I do not get bullied.

So here is my answer working life for somebody on the spectrum is bloody hard make no bones about it.

Some people might never be able to manage it but at the same time given up before you start is just a waste.

I never knew about the spectrum never mind I was on it I thought I was the only person in the world like me that is why I kept trying.

If you can find a job that your good at and the people can tolerate you yes it is worth it.



Let me say this clearly I think it is very wrong to put pressure on people who can not cope with working life.

However there are some individuals that need to take a few hard knocks to get to the rewards like me.


I know this post might come off as confident but to be honest my ASD does make things hard at times.

Is the working life for you? only you can answer that question but my opinion would be not to reject it until you dip your toe in.


Just like getting into cold water getting into the world of work for people on the spectrum is not a smooth process.

It's the weekend and I had dinner in a fancy restaurant with my parents one of the rewards of work.

To be honest I find my job easy enough but that is because I have experience but getting that experience was not a process that I would like to repeat.

Also I got a lot of advice from this board on how to deal with my current job.

Works for me!

And we should get to pick some of the individuals to be forced into friendship with us!

I pick Scarlet Johansen, and Sophia Vargas, and Sharon Stone.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 12 Sep 2014, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LOL!! I'll add Adrian Paul to my list! I want a moat around my house too! And ski slopes.

Perhaps the real problem here is that your parents are forcing you into a job and career that you really hate. It's not normal to hate the job you are in, so either find something that you like doing, or learn to love the job that you are in.

Generally, it?s appropriate for your parents to prepare you to become independent. Ideally, this is something they started many years ago. Hopefully, they have exposed you to enough things and you have discovered an interest which can become your vocation.

That would be possible if all Aspies became politicians, although honesty, loyalty and a conscience do not seem to be very good traits to have in politics.

Your advantage is that you know about your condition, so you can choose a career which suits your special needs.
You could aim at avoiding team work, being independent or self-employed, become your own boss.
For me it's being an artist and a self-employed cleaner and a beekeeper. All jobs with a bare minimum of social involvement
and/or suiting some of my strong interests.
And I never even remotely considered parenting as something suitable for me. Kids need to play and have fun, so I wouldn't
last 5 minutes with my over-sensitivity to noise and commotion.