I don't understand people...

Post Reply New Topic

I find everyday at work people never just come up to me and start talking about something unless it is a question about work. My peers seem to always have people come up to them at start talking about there kids, football. Tell them how there day off was. I have no friends and at work I have know one I eat lunch with. If I'm in the break room no one just comes up and sits with me. I don't understand why people seem to avoid me and dislike me so much. I know I don't have much in common with most people but that does not mean they can't talk to me.

I don't know about you, but every time I sat at a table with co-workers, the co-workers would normally move elsewhere. Ditto that when I was in High School and College. I just got to the point of "Screw You" and kept to myself.

Ditto, exactly, to both of you. However, I am a year from retirement and not so comfortable as I used to be about going alone into the sunset. I want to learn social skills. Given my track record, I'm not optimistic. But what to do? Why can't we find each other?

Suggestion: "Aspie Affection" = could there be another, called "Aspie Connection" or maybe "Meet & Greet" (platonic) maybe sorting by postal code?

Last edited by Claradoon on 10 Sep 2014, 12:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

This happens to me a lot. Sometimes people do gravitate a little bit to me, at least they used to at work because I tried so hard to be NT. At school I'm usually by myself. I've just entered college and while I was acquainted with a lot of people in my first week, I have no idea how everyone stays friends. I have barely talked to anyone since my first week and most days I am completely silent other than saying please and thank you.

Maybe it has something to do with our body language/facial expressions? I don't know..I don't feel like I'm doing anything weird, and yet...

I don?t understand people either, the difference between how I believe they should act and how they really are used to frustrate me.
I think work colleagues generally perceived me as dull and that?s okay, I find closed minded folks unattractive; they have smothered their potential and apart from small talk, offer very little in terms of friendship.

me too and still wondering

but this is a maybe, many people have a lot of work keepin up their social facades and they absolutely hate you for not making this PRIORITY NR 1

Been the same for me all my life as well. I finally got to the point I'd just go and sit by myself or go back and have lunch in my office. Only time anyone came around is if they needed something. Same outside of work as well. I NEVER hear from anyone unless they need something. I would rather be alone and if I am lucky enough to one day find someone for myself, that will be enough. I'd rather have one "true" friend/companion then all the fakes out there. To me its not worth the effort as they don't return it. I'd rather spend efforts on myself or someone that would appreciate it. Not that it will ever happen but one can hope...

Unfortunately, most workplaces look scornfully on people who, during their private time, keep to themselves. Part of this is a result of the emphasis on "teams" (which is simply a thinly-disguised way to tell someone that they can be easily replaced). One is expected not just to work with one's colleagues, but socialize closely as well.

Personally, I never saw much point in the latter. However, people do notice and are all to willing to take offence. At the place where I used to teach, there was an unofficial tradition of having a luncheon after term was over in the spring. I used to go to them but, in later years, I decided I had better ways of spending my time, particularly while I was working part-time on my Ph. D.

About a year and a half after I became Dr. KBF, I said I wasn't going to the one that was being held. Someone in our office area, but in a different department, took that as an excuse to tear a strip off me for reasons which, to this day, are unclear. She gave me a thorough public dressing-down, accusing me of being a snob because I had a doctorate (which nobody else in that building did) and, therefore, thought I was better than everyone else. She ended her tirade by telling me to "grow up".

After it was over, I sat there shaking my head, wondering what that was all about. Perhaps she took umbrage at the fact that I had, by then, earned 4 university degrees and she didn't even have one. Possibly, she resented the fact that I didn't go about with my nose in the air because I was better-educated than everyone else. Maybe it was because she often behaved like a floozie and I didn't pay attention to her.

A few weeks later, I quit my teaching position, though for other reasons. That place had become too weird even for me.