What to do when you're having a meltdown?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean when I say "meltdown." It's when everything just gets too much, and you just explode screaming and hitting and other stuff.

Well, I had one today, and ended up breaking my brother's iPad. Yea, I'm really stupid, I chucked an iPad. I really want to know how you guys deal with your own meltdowns, how to calm down, and how to not do stupid stuff (like chucking an iPad).

I also want to say that my family is really unsupportive when it comes to autism. If I tell them to leave me alone because I'm gonna blow, they tell me to stop being rude, and start to lecture, which really REALLY doesn't help. Any neurotypicals out there, how can I get you to leave me alone without being rude.

THANK-YOU!! !

at least once a day,but throughout the day will have behaviors like head banging and self biting, mine are classified as severe challenging behavior and am also heavily medicated for them because they have a massive effect on quality of life.

Hey Kat,

I'm sorry this happened to you.

What caused the meltdown?

Was it starting a new grade in school?

How'd it go in Bali?

What I would do if I feel a meltdown coming:

Take ten deep breaths, making sure you're concentrating on the breaths. If you're at home, go straight to your room, so you could punch a pillow rather than damage anything else.

When I'm at work, if I feel a meltdown coming, I go into the bathroom. We are entitled to fifteen-minute breaks. I take advantage of my break then.

I wanted to let you know, Kat, that you have much potential. Please don't let this world ruin your potential! I know this world is harsh at times--but I believe your enthusiasm for life will win out in the end. Don't let this world dilute that enthusiasm!

I'm going on vacation for two weeks starting today. If I don't respond after this post, it doesn't mean I've forgotten about you.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 11 Sep 2014, 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I try to find someplace soft like a couch or bed where I can't break anything and just let it run its course. That is about all you can do. The more private the better because you don't want other people interfering. You need to just let it play itself out.

I haven't had a full-blown meltdown since before I went on antidepressants, and I've been taking antidepressants since the beginning of April of this year.

Frequency of a meltdown
Before I went on the meds, the frequency of meltdowns was that I would have two of three full-blown meltdowns in the space of one or two weeks, then go about four to six months without having one, then suddenly I would have one again.

Where I had meltdowns
I never had meltdowns out in public, only really at home. Funnily enough I never had meltdowns when alone, it usually kicked off when somebody pushes the wrong button and if I was going through a phase of exploding, I would explode, causing upset to the whole household.

Why I lost control
Each time I calmed down I promised myself and my family that I won't have another meltdown again, and tried to think of strategies to help me be more calm in overwhelming situations, but then when a time came where I lost control of my emotions again, I got too angry or panicky to sit calmly and take deep breaths and all of that, and felt like I had to have a meltdown to get rid of the build up of these emotions.

The causes of my meltdowns seem to be unknown
Outsiders who know about this seem to assume that these meltdowns are caused by not expressing my feelings and so all my feelings build up and erupts. This isn't true. If you ask my mum, the rest of my family, my friends and my colleagues at work, they will tell you that I am very good at expressing my thoughts and feelings, and that I NEVER bottle emotions up. If I don't say anything, people can still tell I'm pissed off because of body language.

What usually triggered off a meltdown
I kept getting bouts of depression, and I had low self-esteem and constantly hated myself. I was ashamed of having an ASD and the fact of having an ASD just got to me. Also I hated being lonely and I was frustrated because however much I got out and joined social groups and things, I still couldn't make friends. And it ate me up inside to see my cousins all getting on well and it just made me feel worthless and miserable. And sometimes all this just got to me, and it caused me to have a meltdown.

What I did during a typical meltdown
-Slamming and kicking doors
-Angrily hitting myself in the face and head
-Crying
-Shouting and screaming including bad words (C-word and the F-word)
-Stamping my feet

When I last had a meltdown
I can't remember exactly when my last meltdown was, but I do remember feeling very, very miserable on new years eve and the first two or three days of the year. I had such bad depression that it actually hurt my chest, and I just couldn't stop crying. I even phoned up the counseling team, crying my eyes out and begging for help. It was awful. I had about two or three meltdowns involving all the things in the list above, all in the space of about three days. I was thinking of committing suicide and just getting away. But I decided to hang on, and I'm glad I did.

I feel ''cured'' from these ''tantrums''
Since I went on antidepressants in April, I haven't had a meltdown that involved all the things in the list above. I may of had mini meltdowns, like including crying and maybe some swearing (not using the C-word so much though), and maybe slamming a door, but most people slam doors and cry and swear when in a temper. I haven't even felt like having a meltdown really, and I haven't hit myself since before I went on the meds. Also the meds have helped with my social skills too, and since then I have met a few friends who want to be proper friends to me, and now I have a boyfriend too. So I've come quite a long way, and also have broke out of my vicious circle. I now feel proud about myself. I feel like I have gone from a very lonely and depressed person with no confidence, to a happier and more sociable person with more confidence.

Ok that's me - I have 2 autistic kids (classic ASD). Just leaving these kids alone amidst a meltdown is usually just not an option at all because they break things (such as iPads) and injure themselves. I have to follow them around for their own safety.

But we have a room that is designated as the sensory room (got this idea out of a magazine, I'm quite proud of it actually, LOL)- in it I covered the walls and floor in mats and then it's the one room that I really keep organised. It has stuff like lights to look at and things to squish and so on, but I keep everything in a plastic dresser on wheels, which I can wheel out. Once out of the room, they go in a closet that I keep empty for this purpose (can you believe how well organised this is?) and then in the room there's just the mats and a weighted vest, a swing, and a tunnel . I send them in there when they're having a meltdown. It allows me to leave them alone more because there's nothing to break. The things left in the room also seem to help my kids (one prefers the swing and the other prefers the tunnel). So I think I'm doing pretty well in this regard, but I still am responsible for their safety and can't just leave them, as much as they may want me to. Sometimes they come out while still having a meltdown and then I have to very closely supervise- there's no choice here. There just isn't.

That said, NTs want to be left alone when they are angry too- that's a very common thing to want. You can tell them you need to be alone in order to calm down, but once you are calmer, you would be better able to calmly discuss this with them.

WelcomeToHolland, that room is brilliant. Well done!

When I know I'm about to go <<nuclear grade>> I "exit stage left".

I walk - out of the room, away from the stiuation, I just walk. I walk until I can find a place alone where I feel safe to just sit down on the ground, put my knees up, wrap my arms around my legs and stay there in a ball working on breathingly slowly until I can calm down.

Afterwards, when i'm semi-OK I may lie down for a bit but as a minumum have a period of quiet time where I don't talk. At all. Until I'm ready to talk again.

The frequency for me, depends on sensory processing, frustration and change. When I could not adjust, meltdowns happened at least twice a week.
Usually have more rocking, crying, biting self, rarely head banging.

For me, it depends on how things are planned. If something doesn't go the way I expect, it can cause a lot of severe meltdowns. It usually results in heavy sobbing, rocking and sometimes repeating my words over and over as well. Other times, if the situation isn't improving, my brain will shut down. I have thrown things before or gotten so angry at my parents that I've knocked things over and broken them. That's not due to a meltdown, but I've always had a hard time controlling my anger.

To control them, I bring anime plushies with me or a backpack with stuff that comforts me. Like, I have all my stickers and other thingies from my anime convention in a My Little Pony:FiM lunchbox. I also clip plushies to my bag or carry them by the strings attached to them. But this is usually only after the meltdown has somewhat stopped. I have hugged my plushies before during one of my more minor episodes. I'm very child-like, so most of my methods may be a little weird for some people.

My meltdowns aren't as frequent, and I usually try to control them. The only time I have one is due to what I stated above. That usually doesn't happen often, just so you know. The last meltdown I had that involved this was when our hotel plans didn't go as I had thought they would go. I can't really answer the poll because my meltdowns can happen at random.

I forgot to mention... music also helps me as well. Preferably, what has helped me more than anything is a band called Simple Plan.

I implode and shut down, probably out of fear of the destruction likely from any other option.
Outward expression is most often illogical and futile as well.

My last major meltdown was in April, and I wound up kicking a hole in the wall (my mom was not happy about that). For me they usually entail a lot of self-abuse; biting, hitting, head-banging, etc. They can ebb and flow, and once I think it's over, I have to try to avoid thinking about it because that can set me off again.

If you can't make your family leave you alone, try getting away from them; go for a walk, as eggheadjr suggested, or a run if that feels better. Find someplace where you won't be bothered and do what you have to.

To everyone who answered my question, thank-you all so much! I am so grateful, and will definitely be trying all of these.

@wolfman - sorry I haven't been online! I missed our conversations! I don't really have an excuse, just life. I'll definitely try the bathroom thing if I'm at school. Enjoy the holiday!

@KingdomofRats - I'm so sorry man, I really am. I really hope life gets better for you.

@skibum - the bed think's a really good idea, it probably helps minimise damage. I will definitely use that one. I also agree with the privacy thing too.

@Joe90 - I'm so glad that you hung on and that life's going okay. From just reading your post, you seem like an incredibly strong, inspiring person. Thank-you.

@WelcomeToHolland - can I come live with you? I'm serious, that room sounds amazing! . Your kids are very very lucky to get such a caring and understanding mum. I agree with maybe talking to the family when I'm calm, instead of when I'm crazy! Thanks!

@eggheadjr - hah! I like the term "go <<nuclear grade>>," can I use it? I think the simply walking thing is a very good idea, I'll have to try it!

@Lumi - for me it's more sensory processing than frustration and change, but I totally get what you mean with those too. For me head banging is more common than biting, but definitely rocking. And hitting and screaming and punching and kicking.

@LokiofSaggard - hah! You're a bronie! You rock! Your ideas actually sound really good! I have a small Batman soft thingy, maybe ill cart that around with me. Pfft, childlike, who could ever say anime plushies are childish. They're awesome! By the way, when I read the bit about Simple Plan, I literally squealed. They are one of my absolute favourite bands ever! My favourite songs are Astronaut and I'm Just a Kid.

@olimpiadis - I get your logic, but I don't think I have the will power to do the same. You must be pretty strong willed.

@StarTrekker - wow. I've done a lot of things during meltdowns, but I've never kicked in a wall. That's a pretty incredible feat (I'm impressed). For me defo. more head banging than any other self-abuse. I agree with the logic of getting away quickly, I'll try that next time.


Again, thank you all so much for the advice, Kat8615

Most certainly

WelcomeToHolland, you had better never put your address on the forum or you may end up having to adopt all of us since we will all show up at your house and not want to leave!

We just give our kids space. We all understand the issues and now my son recognises the signs he tends to take himself off before he reaches the point of no return. My daughter isn't there yet (she's also awaiting formal diagnosis) so we have to recognise the signs for her and disengage the situation. Girls seem to be different to,boys in this so we are not getting it right as often as I'd like but we are figuring it out. With my son we more or less have it nailed on although I do forget sometimes.

The key was we educated ourselves and from there could figure out what strategies worked.