"eye contact"=staring

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not sure why it's regarded as bad not to make regular "eye contact" since it's a form of STARING, and people usually act like staring is something bad/negative.

I guess staring at people under certain conditions is apparently okay as long as it's called something different(i.e. calling eye contact "staring" makes it sound stupid).

I comparatively enjoy making eye contact with people. Actually I have an utmost inability not to look at some people, if there's people within my proximity.

You are mistaken.

Staring is, by definition, making eye contact for too long. Eye contact alone is not staring.

The appropriate length of time is a variable and depends on the situation, culture and specific relationship.

I meant staring for too long since making eye contact for a few seconds obviously isn't, as long as the person doing it looks away for a bit afterwards.

The type of eye contact often required during a job-interview would probably qualify as "a form of staring" although it's conveniently not called that of course.

The type of eye contact required during a job interview is not staring or a form of staring.

http://work.chron.com/ways-keep-eye-con ... -1516.html


It is the looking away and looking back that differentiates eye contact from staring.

Some guides say you should make eye contact 1/3 of the time while speaking and 2/3 of the time while listening. I can't think that way, so I just try to keep the rhythm I was taught as a child. I only get into to trouble with it if I think about it too much, then nothing seems right and I feel (and I think become) really awkward.

Don't stare in job interviews, advises Forbes:
"Poor or too much eye contact. Poor eye contact can signify that you aren?t interested in the position. At the other end of the spectrum, too much eye contact can be intimidating and turn the interview into a stare down. One of the most awkward interviews I?ve ever conducted was with a job candidate who never looked away from my face or seemingly blinked. Keep eye contact casual and relaxed, not creepy."

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lisaquast/2 ... nterviews/

Not long enough is "not making eye contact" while too long is "staring". It takes a lot of practice and even after years of trying I'm not close to getting it right. I still get women saying sometimes "Are you trying to flirt with me?" when I guess I make eye contact too long.

Then again maybe they're just toying with me - or flirting with me. Who knows - I never did get flirting anyhow.

sorry, i don't mean to hijack the thread, just had to interject this:

so when they say that, if she's someone who you would consider flirting with if you did understand, try replying with something like, "Yes I am, but i'm not very good at it." it would be a (kinda flirty actually) way to express both your interest and that you require more direct, less euphemistic interaction.

I find this lady's techniques/advice most helpful.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lYP_wpdNh0[/youtube]

lol, that's probably cause the interviewer already knew he wasn't going to give the person the job for other reasons unrelated to eye-contact/staring partway through the interview. And felt like a creep looking into their eyes and lying to them.(i.e. pretending like they have a chance when they don't, which is the norm during job-interviews).

I'm sure that's often when their whole "eye-contact/staring obsession" thing suddenly goes out the window, depending on how good of a liar they are at least.(and how intimidating the person they're lying to is)

I can never look people in the eye. My siblings are the definite exception to this, because I know them well. My ex-girlfriend, whom I am still close with, is also part of this for similar reasons.

I can look my autistic friends in the eye, but at times, we will stare at each other for a couple seconds before realizing we just spaced out.

As a kid I often used to get told I stared at people too much. I don't think I tend to do it so much these days.

These days I tend to give quite good eye contact when someone is speaking to me, and nod appropriately. However, when I am talking I tend to avoid eye contact more. I often seem to talk to people while facing away from them.

I think eyes can be very expressive and "staring" can probably be considered as one of the expressions. When you are absorbed in what the other person is saying and are having natural eye contact, you are not really staring at the other person's appearance etc. It's like eye language sending certain signals.

When you stare, you might be paying unwanted attention to the other person's appearance or showing a rather negative feeling/intention towards the other person (e.g.eyes saying "Are you an idiot?").

When you are not good at using different eye expressions, you tend to want to avoid having eye contact. When I think about eye contact while talking with someone, I become self-conscious and that awkward feeling shows in my eyes, which in turn makes the other person uncomfortable, too.

Yes I know it is way too complicated. and eye contact is painful and distracting anyway. I just look at mouths.