Bizarre.

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Something bizarre happened today. I went out with my mum and I talked. A lot.

Admittedly I was monotone and expressionless for the whole time. And most of it was about science or similar.

I then went home and had a meltdown due to the exhaustion of talking.

Should I embrace speech or reject it?

It might be a good idea to find a happy medium between the two.

You do have the capability to verbally communicate, therefore use it to your own advantage and then take time out of it to recuperate your strength.

I have to talk all day long for my job and it is exhausting. When I'm at home I barely utter a single word.

I have the same problem with meltdowns when I talk a lot, so I try to limit how much I talk and socialize with others. Usually I'm pretty quiet, but there have been days when I have become more talkative than usual for some reason.

Talking is extremely exhausting for me.

I keep having to apply deep pressure as I keep having meltdowns and head banging.

I need to find a way to not let this happen again.

I want to be in my own world, not others.

This chatty world has temporarily f***ed my head up.

How can I keep quiet I don't want this to happen again.

I think I'm going to vomit.

For me, too, even if it's with someone I'm comfortable with like my mum, I find prolonged conversation tiring. I always have to cut the person off or it would go on forever.

I seem to not be monotone, though. I intone and gesticulate very properly, it seems.

I would embrace the fact that you went out with your mother and had a long conversation with her. Admittedly you say that most of the conversation was about science and you did most of the talking. I would love somebody to talk about science to me. I think your mother let you do most of the talking because she is interested in your life and career. Maybe also she is proud of what you are achieving in your life. Why turn a positive into a negative. Practically all scientists have a monotone and expressionless way of talking. And your having a meltdown afterwards is your body's way of releasing tension and unwinding.

SteelMaiden, from what I know about you, I think it is good for you to limit your speech as much as you can. But there are times when you should allow yourself to speak. Even though speaking to your mother was exhausting today, it was fine because you needed to do it. It was not like you were forced to, your mind just needed to talk about what you talked about. It might have been an emotional release for you. That is good. But since speech usually is very strenuous for you, I would just talk the least amount possible except just to keep in practice, like just a few sentences a day maybe. But if you feel the urge to speak about a special interest or something, then you should. But make sure you can get plenty of rest afterwards.

I guess the important thing is being able to talk as much as possible as truly needed. That's what my speech therapy is about....not trying to get the gift of gab. I don't like to talk and don't when i don't have to. Too much trying to talk will cause me to meltdown.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I was quite over-caffeinated on that day (she convinced me to try some coffee drink) so that could have been the factor.

I ended up having a screaming and self harming meltdown late last night.

Back to limiting speech now, and I am glad to return to quiet world.

So sorry about your meltdown SM. I hope you are feeling much better now. Definitely stay away from the strong caffeine.

Thanks. I might be seeing my psychiatrist soon, because my anxiety has become debilitating. And the voices are worse.

Oh goodness, let us know how it goes.

What is a meltdown?

This is a phenomenon that happens with those of us who struggle with with sensory overload. Other things like emotional overload can cause it as well. I am sure there are other triggers for meltdowns other than those two but those are the two most common causes for me.

What happens is that our brains are constantly processing sensory input at a much slower rate than a regular NT brain, so we can only process so much information. But because we don't filter information coming in as well as an NT brain, some filter even less than others or not at all, the information coming in that the brain has to process can get to a point where it just becomes too much and it is completely overwhelming. When that happens, the brain can no longer process and it has to shut down and reboot just like a computer crashes when it is overloaded. When this happens, because the Autistic Limbic System in the brain does not work like it does in an NT brain, the emotional behavioral systems go haywire during this rebooting or resetting process. This can make the person have all kinds of behavioral outbursts that resemble a child's temper tantrum or screaming fit. It can include headbanging, screaming, crying ,throwing or kicking or breaking things. This process will last from anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours depending on how over processed the brain is and what it takes for it to reset itself. Sometimes we can train ourselves to control the onset of a meltdown and hold it off until we are in a safe place to have it but usually once we have to have it we have to. We can't prevent it entirely. We can also set ourselves up to throw or kick or punch pillows rather than breaking everything in the house but if a meltdown is coming you really just have to let it happen and ride it out.

Usually when it is over you feel physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and sometimes embarrassed or ashamed if it happened in public. But at least your brain feels a bit better.

^qft

I tried to commit suicide today. It is about university. My mood has been all over the place. Now I am so depressed that this morning I was walking to a motorway to jump in front of a heavy goods vehicle. My friend talked me out of it. I have been prescribed Clonazepam. I will be pursuing legal advice on the university situation, with the help of my support workers, friends and my dad. I had a really bad meltdown today that the neighbours were going to call the police on me. I am suffering.