Brushing teeth and shaving

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I have a 15 year old son who is severely autistic, non-verbal, and does not use an alternate form of communication to communicate (he knows some ASL signs but he will only sign what you tell him to sign- he does not pick options or express any personal thoughts). Brushing teeth and shaving are both REALLY difficult with him and he is now 6'4" and he's a teenage boy so you know he's really strong too... I'm shorter and weaker than he is (his dad doesn't live with us, so it's mostly me here). He has severe tactile sensory problems, especially around his head and mouth. He also has a fine motor delay so holding these things is a bit difficult for him.

Teeth: I've been brushing his teeth since he had teeth (don't remember when that was, but around 3 months I think) so it's not like this is anything new. They started doing teeth brushing in OT around age 5. They try to get him to brush his own teeth with hand-over-hand, but it hasn't worked- he still does not brush his teeth at all, so I do it. What they've taught me in OT is to do it for 10 seconds and count down, then give him the brush for a few seconds, then try again for 10 seconds. Repeat until 2 minutes have passed or you get punched in the face and see stars.

Shaving: He started growing facial hair at 13 so this is 2 years later now. We are using an electric razor because it's faster. At first they held the razor on his hand upside-down so he would get used to the feeling- they moved it up his arm for longer periods of time..then we tried the face. He also won't do this himself. They do hand-over-hand in OT but he's not picking it up. So I am left to do it...

He seriously injures me. This morning while brushing teeth, he violently elbowed me in the face and broke my glasses so the glass cut my cheek, and he also left my left arm completely bruised from being pinned against the wall. I'm feeling pretty discouraged. He's just too big.

This might sound like a silly thing to care about, but I don't want him to look like nobody cares about him. That's why this matters. He has a lot of problems, but at least it's obvious someone cares about him. So basically I'm just wondering if anyone has any ideas if you find these tasks uncomfortable and found something that makes it better, or anything really.

Can he do mouthwash? At least his teeth can get coated with protection that way.
Does he reject an electric toothbrush too? Maybe he will like the vibration.

Does he look nice in a beard? That might be the way to go. And you could maybe trim it with scissors in his sleep.

I use an electric tooth brush. Can't stand regular brushing....makes me gag for some reason. Haven't started shaving yet....but has already been decided that it will be an electric shaver.

I'm concerned for your safety. Is there anyone you know who can assist? Is there any support for daily living available through disability services?

I can't really advise on the shaving because I've never personally had an issue with that, but I absolutely hate brushing teeth and never did it. However, I'm the only one in my family without any cavities. Have you tried oil pulling? If you swish a food oil (I recommend coconut because it's sweet and anti-microbic) around your mouth for twenty minutes and then spit it out, it pulls out everything that's bad for your teeth without any of the unpleasant feeling of bristles or the absolutely awful taste of toothpaste. Perhaps you could ask your son if he is willing to try this?

Different toothpaste (children's toothpaste, natural toothpaste, SLS-free toothpaste, different flavor of toothpaste, homemade toothpaste)? No toothpaste (plaque removal is done by the toothbrush, not so much the toothpaste)?

I find most standard toothpaste has a disgusting taste and smell (something about it reminds me of paint thinner), and it burns the inside of my mouth. I use an SLS free "natural" toothpaste with fluoride in it -- it is the only kind I have found that doesn't burn and it tastes okay.

Smaller toothbrush, different type of toothbrush, softer toothbrush?

Ear defenders to block noise from the electric razor, if he has auditory sensitivities?

I don't use electric razors partly because mine was so loud and partly because I found it pulled and that hurt -- whether I used shaving cream or not, no matter how obsessively I cleaned and rinsed it.

I encourage the idea of trying to let him grow facial hair and trimming it (either while he's awake or asleep -- using either beard trimmers or scissors).

Thanks!

Skibum & Kaedatiger- I think he would swallow it. I try to get him to rinse his mouth afterwards with water, and I show him 1, 2, 3 spit! but he doesn't - he always swallows it. He also would not swish it around in his mouth- he'd either swallow or spit it out immediately. I don't think anybody his age looks good with a beard but I'm leaning that way.

Ezra & Animalcrackers- he doesn't like the electric toothbrush..however it might be the noise. For some reason I've never thought of that...noise cancelling headphones is a good idea to try!

Raleigh- short answer: no. Long answer: I don't think staff could really help me. Not sure if such a thing even exists or that there are any available (waiting list for residential care is 10 years, so I'm thinking not) and I'm not sure they'd do it anyway. Staff would probably need to tranquilize him and I'm not up for that yet (he's only 15..). He's fairly gentle with me and his dad- he's 10X more violent with everyone else. I know it's not ideal but there is nothing better at the moment.

Yeah, I think if the options are you having concussions or him wearing a beard I would probably go with the beard!

He pulls his hair out though so I worry about him pulling out his beard hair. And it seems like a skill he needs to get used to and the best way to get him used to it is do it. I was hoping that eventually he'd get used to it because he's ok now having his nails cut (he used to go crazy) so doing it over and over DOES sometimes work. But it's a gamble and one I seem to be losing.

Clay Marzo pulls his hair out too. He does it all the time. That is one of his stims. I don't think it hurts him though so it might not be something you have to worry about too much.

You can try and see what happens if you let him grow his beard out for a while. If he pulls the hair out and it's painful for him, shave. If he only pulls out the hair from his scalp and leaves the beard alone, there's little reason to get rid of the beard and it would save you a lot of trouble that way. The only way to find out is to let it grow for a while.

Wow, that's tough trying to take care of him like that.

I use an electric toothbrush and I have a beard. I shave under the neck with an electric shaver every day and trim the beard every 10 days or so.

Maybe you can try finding a sympathetic barber who can take care of the facial hair stuff once a week. Not sure if your son would be OK with that.