Why don't I stim?

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I really don't stim very often. The only thing I have noticed is that I play with my hair almost constantly. Basically whenever I have one or both of my hands not doing anything I am playing with my hair, especially when it is longer (like it is now).

I also noticed something that I've done for a while. I respond to unexpected loud noises or other sudden strong stimuli by hand flapping and bouncing on my toes, but only for a few seconds, then usually I'm calmed down. For some reason it always felt like a totally natural reaction, it never even occurred to me until about a month ago that I'd never even seen another person do that, ever.

But anyway, other than those two things I don't really stim, even if I feel extreme anxiety like I do at work somewhat frequently. I feel like I am going to lose my mind half the time at work, it is just very loud and fast-paced and people will yell out multiple directions at the same time which confuses me, not to mention getting sprayed with water unexpectedly. Over the course of the day that stuff starts to take it's toll. Then there's the fact that I am also almost constantly obsessing over something other than work while at work, usually something that causes me more stress, like my upcoming evaluation, or how many other random tasks are piling up on my to-do list, which I still need to actually make (add that to my to-do list as well).

Point is, words can't describe how horrible I feel at work sometimes, but I hold it in because I don't know how to get rid of it. My first choice would be to get away from the stressful stimuli and do something relaxing, but that isn't an option because I'll get in trouble if I just walk out randomly at work for that; I got yelled at for taking 3 minutes to go to the bathroom (in my opinion some of those guys need to calm the heck down).

My next and seemingly only option then, is to stim in some way to relieve the anxiety. But I don't know what to do. I avoid hand flapping; even though I have noted that it helps, those guys at work probably would tease me about it, so I only occasionally and briefly do it if no one is looking, which doesn't do a whole lot. I'd probably have the same problem with teasing for any stim, really. I know they wouldn't take it extremely far, but it would still bother me a lot as I am kind of sensitive to teasing.

Anyway, I just found it odd that I didn't seem to have any go-to stimming behaviors like many on the spectrum (except playing with my hair, and my reaction to sudden strong stimuli). It seems to me that most do have certain stims that they do a lot, like rocking or hand flapping, but I never have done these things even as a child, at least not in my memory. But if I consciously stim, it usually helps quite a bit. So I'm just wondering, why did I never learn to stim in the first place (maybe that's why I had a lot more meltdowns)? Also, do you have any suggestions for what to do at work so I don't lose my mind?

I only stim at home. If I get really excited or hyper, I clap my hands and laugh weirdly, like I'm applauding myself almost. I also tend to flap my arms and make squealing noises. The only stimming I've done in public is rocking myself, and people don't really seem bothered when I do it. It seems like you have a lot more self-control with stimming. I know it's hard to do in public without people looking at you as if you have some kind of disease too.

I think I have the same problem as you. I find that rocking in public is never enough for me. One of the things I do that helps, and I consider as stimming is vigorously shaking my head. It's almost like it numbs my brain and clears up any anxiety I have. I don't do it too often unless other things have proved useless for me though. D:

At work I chew gum. The chewing action helps keep me calm. Also I swivel on my chair the entire lunch break or I go for a walk. This pretty much gets me through the rest of the day.

I learned a good stim from my daughter (although as a ADHD'er and not a ASD'er, my stims are called "fidgeting" LOL!) My normal fidgeting involves a lot of leg movement and others find it very distracting, but if I don't do something, I can't follow the conversation for long.

Here's what I do: I take my index and middle fingers and rub them together very quickly and very lightly. To give you a mental picture, with my daughter, it started out as what I called "piano fingers" as it looked like she was playing a really fast song on the piano, but over time the movement lessened until it was mostly her index finger moving and rubbing slightly against her middle finger. I find I can do this in most settings with no one noticing at all. In meetings, I hold my hands below the table. It serves both the purpose of helping me focus and the purpose of self-soothing.

I still prefer full-on leg movements and sometimes rocking, but when I can't do that (i.e. other people are present), I have found this to be a good replacement.

^ I also do something similar to this where I rub my fingers with my thumb. The piano fingers are like a regular warm up for me because quick fingers are important in my job. This is one stim I was taught to do (and it's encouraged)

I've been going to school for autistic kids since I was six....meaning have been around a lot of autistic people....and not everyone was classic stimming.