Anyone find it difficult to explain concepts?

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psot2
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25 Sep 2014, 6:26 am

Does anyone ever find it difficult to explain concepts to other people, because when they don't understand it immediately you just lose patience?

Worse yet... someone asking you to learn a new concept that you couldn't care less about, only so you could explain it to them.

I have the ability to do it, but it makes me feel terrible. Half the time I imagine ripping the other person's head off as I am making the explanation. Am I a bad person for not wanting to explain things to others when they ask me to?



Campin_Cat
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25 Sep 2014, 12:46 pm

I THINK I know what you mean, but I figured-out I wasn't angry / frustrated with THEM, I was angry / frustrated with MYSELF that I wasn't able to explain it in a way that they understood, no.1; and no.2, I decided that I was explaining so much because I was trying to get them to see MY side, or take an interest just because I wanted them to. I learned to accept that either they weren't going to be interested in what I had to say about whatever subject, no matter how many different ways I said it (explained it); OR, that they had their own opinion about it and it was ME who wasn't listening to THEM / accepting that they had a different opinion than MINE.



Tiffany_Aching
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25 Sep 2014, 4:06 pm

in my experience, when explaining things to NTs they attach all this baggage to the words you use. So I can explain something exactly the way I mean it, but they interpret my words in a completely different way and then when we figure out there was a misunderstanding they blame me because apparently I should have known they would do that.

Still, if it's something I care about, I won't give up trying to explain. I've been told I'm very patient, although I think I just repress my frustration.

I've never had someone try to make me learn something so I could explain it to them, though. That's weird.

Also I've read a lot of posts by autistic people about how they think in pictures or meanings, so when they use words it's kind of like an interpretation of what they mean. Whereas apparently a lot of NTs think in words and place heaps of importance on word meanings, so that could be causing some confusion on both sides.



kirayng
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25 Sep 2014, 4:29 pm

I find that what's in my head doesn't come out of my mouth. Words are nearly a 10% approximation of a thought to me. So much more, and little ability to convey it meaningfully to others. Something's just lost in the translation...

Try as I might, I'm too me-oriented to see someone else's point of view as I'm speaking to them. It takes a few seconds to a minute or two to register they are telling me something other than what I'm saying. Have had some embarrassing moments of not getting it when someone is arguing back at me because they think my explanations are arguments. :roll:



James_Ladrang
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25 Sep 2014, 4:44 pm

Is it because language is the problem, not the concepts themselves?

I know I struggle to find the words I need to convey what I'm thinking. Words are so linear, concepts so multi-dimensional.

And how much of the problem is the listener's preconceptions, hearing what they want to hear despite what is being said?



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25 Sep 2014, 8:49 pm

I can explain things fine, its just other people have trouble understanding what im trying to explain


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olympiadis
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25 Sep 2014, 9:43 pm

Tiffany_Aching wrote:
in my experience, when explaining things to NTs they attach all this baggage to the words you use. So I can explain something exactly the way I mean it, but they interpret my words in a completely different way and then when we figure out there was a misunderstanding they blame me because apparently I should have known they would do that.


+1

If a concept isn't very directly related to something real, then my brain filters it to the waste bin.

I can still learn and work with those concepts, but it means mentally digging around in the waste bin. Since those concepts are imaginary, it's a lot like talking about a TV show as if it were reality.
I haven't watched TV in years. I think my brain is filled up with too much garbage already, so I don't crave any more.

The "baggage" thing comes from the fact that NTs filter everything through their identity.
Instead of asking "what does this word mean?" the filter asks "what does this word mean to me?"



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25 Sep 2014, 9:53 pm

Yes, so much. It seems that no matter what it is people misinterpret what I am saying. Ironically it seems to be because they will focus too much on one little thing I said rather than the big picture I am trying to illustrate for them. Maybe it's because I explain with details, rather than in a big picture sort of way, and they don't understand that they are supporting details rather than independent concepts. It is extremely frustrating. Especially because sometimes I do say something I don't really mean, because I can't find the words I'm looking for, and then they will not let it go even if I say that it isn't what I meant to say.

I worry a lot in situations where I have to explain something to others, as 99.9% of the time it comes out wrong. I find it very hard to just say what I'm thinking without going off on tangents or over-emphasizing details that are relevant but are not critical points. As you can probably tell, I have a lot of problems with the "focusing on details" part of Asperger's.


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nuttyengineer
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25 Sep 2014, 10:47 pm

kirayng wrote:
I find that what's in my head doesn't come out of my mouth. Words are nearly a 10% approximation of a thought to me. So much more, and little ability to convey it meaningfully to others. Something's just lost in the translation...


This. Which has gotten me into trouble at work or at school more than once. I often have the problem where I can perfectly visualize a concept, but I just can't find the right words to describe it.

Edit: Fixed typo


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25 Sep 2014, 10:48 pm

What is it about verbal language that makes it so difficult to express oneself? If I could write the thing down, or draw a diagram, send an email, a text message, use sign language or braille I would find it easier than trying to get the words out of my mouth in the right arrangements before the day is over.
It's the same when someone's trying to explain something to me. I would much rather read a report or email or look at a diagram than have the stress of having to stand in front of someone and make the appropriate? responses while also trying to listen and figure out what the person's saying.
As soon as stress comes into the equation, much of my understanding evaporates.


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26 Sep 2014, 3:36 am

It usually takes me ages to grasp new concepts but once I have I can explain them very well to people, usually in layman's terms, so people grasp it a lot easier than I did.

I like to make things simple, in other words.


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