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Joe90
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19 Oct 2014, 4:51 pm

Have you had people say this to you? At home I can lose my temper over things, which involve swearing, yelling, slamming doors, etc. When I used to have rage outbursts, I always had them at home. But my partner and all my friends think that I am a very patient, placid girl, who would never get angry about anything. Often when I talk about my emotions to people, they say ''I can't imagine you being angry!''

I often feel like there are two sides to me. I try to tell close family (who have seen my angry side many times) that everyone behaves a certain way when they're at home to when they're with their friends or whatever, but my mum is like ''yeah, but you're the extreme!''

Does anyone else have this?


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QuiversWhiskers
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19 Oct 2014, 5:16 pm

I am ashamed to say that I am the same way, though since allowing myself to stim, to not be perfect, to not expect myself to be someone I am not (the do-it-all sort of woman who is the picture of perfect womanhood), to allow myself to take breaks and to monitor my emotions and recognize them as emotions, and reading my Bible to remind me of what I really need to be, I hope I am making it better. I hate myself for it and feel guilty every time someone says that to me, that I seem so laid-back and patient, but no amount of telling them otherwise seems to make them believe me unfortunately. They seem to think that you are not aware of your own good parts. It is true that we all, all people tend to focus on our negatives, but I need practical advice for this, not just "Oh, I can't imagine you being angry!" It's worse if I don't respect my limits as far as sensory exposure or underexposure are concerned. It's mental overload too, like all that results from executive dysfunction. I also notice that I "borrow" or absorb other people's emotions and feel them as my own and consciously acknowledging that those emotions are not mine, helps. It was a tendency reinforced by the household I grew up in; I wasn't trained to deal with it then and couldn't then because I had too many needs myself and too many demands placed on me. So there are a lot of things I am having to deal with now.



NiceCupOfTea
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19 Oct 2014, 5:23 pm

Yeah, occasionally. One was a counsellor, as well. I can't remember exactly what I was talking about, but it had something to do with feeling anger. She just laughed and said those exact words to me. That was when I was in my late teens. The reason why her words have stayed with me for all this time is because I'm one of the angriest people I know. But at the time I could only express my negative emotions in public through sulking/withdrawal. I was timid and shy, and probably did come across as not being able to say 'boo' to a goose.

But underneath I was a seething mass of resentment, rage, and turmoil for so many reasons. The internet finally allowed me to finally express my "true" feelings in anonyminity and for a few years I went nuts with it. There were no brakes on my behaviour. I had gender dysphoria and lied about my gender. What finally made me stop was a combination of things, but I think the biggest reason was shame. I didn't want to be a liar anymore, I didn't want to have these verbally violent outbursts.

So, uh, yeah. Two sides indeed.



franknfurter
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19 Oct 2014, 6:20 pm

yeah people have said that to me a number of times, it always shocks me because at home I can be really grumpy and angry sometimes, its strange.



LocksAndLiqueur
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19 Oct 2014, 7:33 pm

I get that a lot actually. I pretty much always have what most people describe as a "calm, contemplative" demeanor. I've been hanging out with a punk rocker girl for the past couple months who's commented on how I'm "always so zen". The thing is the thing is that I DO get pissed. In fact, most of the time we spend together there's been something going on where we were at that had me in a bad mood. I just don't typically express it in a "normal" way. When I'm really, truly enraged by something, I'll just eat a tiny bit of Kava Root to relax me (even though I'm well aware of the health problems that it can potentially cause) and do more or less whatever it is I would normally be doing on my laptop while silently conspiring against the person/people responsible. I'm not really expressive & have been told that I speak in a sort of monotone most of the time so it'd be hard for people to tell the difference.



MadHatterMatador
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19 Oct 2014, 9:00 pm

This is me too. A lot of people see me as this nice, harmless guy, like a little kid. My family and some close family friends would beg to differ.


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MjrMajorMajor
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19 Oct 2014, 9:22 pm

This sounds familiar. I'm not leading some double life, but rather snap suddenly. After some stomping, swearing, and venting it's usually out of my system. When someone made a pleasant comment about me to someone I had worked closely with for a few years, he rolled his eyes and said "He hasn't seen your temper." :mrgreen:



MatchingBlues
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19 Oct 2014, 11:44 pm

People say this to me frequently and are aghast when I swear in public or have unkind words to say about others. I'm at the point to when it concerns anger, I just don't care about what's socially acceptable and if I scare people or not. I will let you know if I am angry and often I am not apologetic about it.

I am the angriest and perhaps most unhappy person I know.



Skilpadde
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20 Oct 2014, 2:17 am

No.

But I've been told online that I come off as "typically Scandinavian laid-back as long as no one messes with your turtle friends".


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dragonriko
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22 Oct 2014, 2:10 pm

yeah, people generally say that to me, they've never seen my temper. neither has my partner, for some reason i can't really get angry around him, maybe i don't want him to see that side of me, dunno. he doesn't think i could ever get that mad lol